@drpet49 No, my body reacted poorly to all contraceptives I tried. But he just got very drunk, said if I'm leaving him why not have one last drink together and part as friends. Well that turned into him pouring so much rum into my rum and coke that I got very very drunk, and back then I just agreed to do whatever if I was drunk. But he used it as an opportunity to not use a condom because I was too drunk to check.
The second baby came from me feeling like I can't leave anyway because I didn't feel like I could raise a baby alone at 19 and ended up pregnant again. The third came because I told him I didn't think I wanted to be with him anymore, but agreed to work on it for 3 months. By the end of the three months when he realised he'd done nothing to change his behaviours and I'd be leaving, I'd just got a job again and was planning my exit I went out for a work do, got drunk with a friend, came home and he used my drunkenness because he knew I'd just agree to stuff and he pretended the condom split, which it didn't since he didn't even wear one. I didn't plan on keeping that baby, I didn't want to be pregnant again and I was tired of feeling trapped. But I ended up keeping her, which I don't regret now because I love her. But it took me until she was 7 months old to finally leave him.
It's not as easy as everyone makes out to leave someone who gaslights you constantly, makes you feel horrible about yourself and constantly tells you no one else will ever love you. It was right after lockdown ended for good I got pregnant with my third, and he knew I wanted out, and he knew I didn't think I'd be able to cope on my own with 3 under 4, one with ASD and one with ADHD, plus a newborn because I was already suicidally depressed from the stress of him telling everyone I was a horrible mum, rubbish partner, etc and he never helped with the kids. Plus he'd get drunk and violent all the time. He thought I wouldn't leave if we had another because I would be too overwhelmed. I wish I'd left sooner, it is so much easier with them on my own. But you can't see that while you're in it. I was scared of him coming home, I was scared if I didn't manage to have the house spotless he'd scream at me and throw things. And at 18, 19, 20 and whatever you're not that old, it's totally overwhelming being in that kind of relationship especially when you keep getting trapped further into it.
Having 3 kids by 23 to a horrible person wasn't something I planned to do, he just made me feel like I'm the worst person ever and that no one could possibly love me so I stayed. Plus he'd use my childhood traumas to his advantage (my mum abandoned me and my siblings), so he'd act like if my mum can't love me why would anyone else.
In any case, I had three kids with him. That doesn't make him now moving onto the next teenager okay, it's wrong and I'm genuinely terrified for her. At 18 you think you're so mature and an adult, but you're not. He'll just get her into the same situation I was in because he seems super charming and nice on the outside, it's only when he drops the act that he becomes vile. Even my family were shocked by what I said he did because he'd always put on a nice act whenever we were around people and then be horrible if we were alone. And as soon as you say no to sex for him he'll guilt trip you, tell you he won't be there for you emotionally, and say if you loved him you'd have sex with him. He told me multiple times he wouldn't take his own kids just so I could shower because I wasn't having enough sex with him so he wasn't motivated enough to take them. I often had to sleep with him just so he didn't get angry and take out his anger on me and the kids the next day.