Hope someone can advise, I don't have anyone to really discuss this with in real life at the mo.
I have a sister 5 yrs older, our parents have passed away a few years ago and as a very small family we are the only one's left who know each other. She owns her own home and is married, with one child who is now married himself.
I am not married and rent, by choice, but our circs are a bit different of course.
We get one fine.
In the two yrs before our mum died i went no contact with her as she very suddenly developed a stressful co-dependent relationship with our mum. This was new to me, and it was hard to watch it unfold. Unfortunately her anxiety dominated things to such an extent that it began to harm me.
After mum died we got back in touch and it has been lovely. We are both so pleased to have recovered our relationship and have been there for each other. She still has anxiety but unless something truly awful happened I would love to maintain our relationship permanently.
At the moment i have to move house. I am still living with my ex and will have to rent when I leave. It has been coming since covid and i am behind with my search so need to get a move on as the conditions here with ex are a strain for us both.
I have good savings and am self employed, though business has been slowing since pandemic. Due to this i will need to find a few hours work on top, so want to move somewhere where I feel i fit in and will enjoy. As I have no dependents (our child passed away shortly after birth 17 years ago) I am free to go wherever I like.
I sense that my sister is anxious about me leaving the local town. I hate the place and have never wanted to live here, so am eager to go. She does not try to dissuade me at all, but has mentioned, when pushed, that she is 'scared' of me going, that she fears losing me. I have of course reassured her.
I do feel with weird pressure, and I don't like it. I am a bit of a soft touch so don't want to mess my life up over this. To add to this, even though she has a good husband she tends to always ring me with many problems, and the calls last 3 hours sometimes. I always feel so guilty if i have to work, and cant take a call. But I don't want to just feel like a skip people throw their problems into. I have tenderly told her this in the past and she is apologetic. But her anxiety overtakes her really, and there is a new issue every week. She won't take it to her DH because he is very laid back and her style of talking is more panic/stress based.
It helps her to talk, but this can last hours and i get off the phone feeling wasted.
How would you go about this? I want to preserve our closeness as much as possible, and she has been decent to me. I just don't know if sometimes refusing the calls is mean? You can't set boundaries with this person, she just goes straight through them. I wouldnt say this is harming my life, but it does get me down.