Want to hear from women in large age gap relationships

[hammie46i]

I have an opportunity to get into a relationship with someone 16 years older than me.

He's mid 50s.

We've been friends for a while and I do love him. But I have been asking myself, what is it going to be like to be in a relationship with someone that much older than me.

He's in good health and both of his parents are in their mid-late 80s and amazingly still healthy, so it looks like he has good genes for longevity. He works out, takes care of himself and has a great physique and is just gorgeous. He says he plans to keep taking care of himself as he gets older. I'm attracted to more than just his appearance though...I am attracted to who he is and I don't think my attraction will change as he gets older.

I am late 30s and don't want children.

I'm most interested in hearing from people who have actually been in this situation - in a large age gap relationship with a man who is getting on in years.

Part of me worries I'd be short changing myself getting into a relationship with someone who is that much older since men don't live as long as women anyway, but then again none of us know what is going to happen in the future and how long we'll live.

Well I have a relationship with a 12 year age gap, except I am the older party! All the issues raised here have been fully discussed between us and I nearly stopped it so many times. But we are incredibly happy 4 years in and not being blasé here, but my partner had total free will and he chose to be with me, knowing all it might entail. None of us have any guarantee of good health. We may have 5 more years, 10 more years ...who knows? I do know we love each other and for now, that's enough.

I do meet plenty of people through various hobbies and I've done online dating on and off for years. I think I'm a bit different from the average person. I'm quiet, private, bookish, spiritual, and with a weird sense of humour. In Myers Briggs I come up as the rarest personality type & he has the same type (which is even rarer among men.)

I think it's because we're so similar that I feel a strong connection to him. I would say he is the person I've met who I've been most compatible with to date.

My DP is 15 years older than me, we've been together 24 years. Its been lovely, its a second marriage for both of us. Its a bit different now, he has had a major heart attack and has other health issues, I can see myself becoming his carer in the not too distant future. I was always aware that this situation might be on the cards, and of course this can happen whatever the age group. I still wouldn't change anything, I will gladly offer any support I can, they are my beloved. But be aware that this is a more likely scenario with a larger age gap. Also you might not get a long retirement together, and you might be looking at a long widowhood.

I only work part time and have done for years. I have my own business. I'm not expecting to retire at any time, even when I'm older because I work minimal hours anyway. He will be retiring of course in several years, but seeing as I'm already semi retired I don't think it will be a big difference in our lifestyles.

That’s a good sign, imo. The couple I know have 18 years between them but because she was a SAHM, when he retired they were both free to do things together. He was in his 80s before he started having any health issues so it’s not always a case of being a carer for decades.

I'm 36 and my husband is 54. I've never been happier. It's how you feel not what other people think that matters

i would not normally recommend age gap relationships but in your case I don’t think it will be problematic. That store of decades of working out will stand him in good stead. He will not get a lot of the problems of ageing that other men will. He’s actually likely to age better than a man your age who is not active. And he seems to have good genetic inheritance too.

Given there seems to be loads you like about him, I would not be throwing him back in the sea just because of the age difference.

I also wanted to add the physical relationship is fantastic. He is an amazing lover. So there's that, too.

Good sex is always a bonus. 😜

In your shoes, I think I’d go for it and see what happens, don’t over-think it too much.

I had a 16 year age gap with my late DH. We were very happily married for 40 years. I was younger than you when we met (early twenties) and we had children together.

DH always looked and acted much younger than his age, and worked full time until 71. The age gap only became very apparent when his health declined and his mobility was affected, which restricted our lives for the last couple of years. I always knew that the likelihood would be that he would die before me. I also knew there was a possibility I would have to be his carer. He required little in the way of actual care, but ill health changed his character somewhat in the last two or three years, making him grumpy sometimes which led to tension between us. We still remained extremely close though, and mostly still enjoyed each other’s company. I never regretted marrying him, he was a wonderful, caring and very loving husband, my absolute best friend. I would do it all again.

Don’t be afraid of the age gap if you are truly compatible, we none of us know what life will throw at us whoever we marry.

It's rare enough to meet someone who is a great fit for us, people whose wave length we are on effortlessly come along a handful of times in a lifetime if you're lucky.
You can't get better than being in a relationship with someone who completely 'gets' you, and with whom you have an easy understanding and respect.
I'd take however many few (or not) years of that kind of rapport over decades with someone likely to have good health for longer but who isn't as good a fit any day of the week.

Stop asking questions and enjoy it.
Better to have loved excellently well and wonderfully and lost than never to have loved at all.
Throw yourself in.

Similar age gap here. I've always been attracted to (dishy) older men and that's exactly what I've gotten with my partner of nearly 17 years, I'm getting more attracted to him with every grey hair and laughter line.

Like your fella, he's in great shape, looks after himself and plays football twice per week with men literally half his age (he also plays occasionally with a 50+ team). We qualified in our chosen profession together (that's how we met - he was a career changer whereas I was a recent graduate) meaning there are many levellers in our relationship (salary, status, mutual colleagues and friends). It's a healthy, balanced, respectful and loving relationship.

Yes I'm likely to outlive him but that's the price I'm willing to pay.

Age gap of 24 years!! Met when I was in my 30s. Still together 10 years on with 2 little ones. Ups and downs like any couple but just take mickey out of each other about our relative ages!! Didn't go looking for an older man, just who I clicked with.
As an aside I am currently the one with more health issues at the moment......but will let the future look after itself.

Just go in with your eyes open, OP.
I'm 51 with a 67 year old partner. We've been together five years (and three years five years before that, iyswim!)
We get on really well and I'm not considering ending things, but we are at different points in our lives (my DCs are teenagers; his are nearly 40. I'm about to restart FT work; he's retired).

Although he'd earnestly tell you he's a busy as ever, I suspect he is slowing a little now. Having me around is, I think, forcing him to be more active! We don't live together for many reasons (my DCs being the main one!), but also because I'm too selfish to want to be his carer. I don't want to finish raising my kids and then have to care for an elderly partner for the rest of my days.
Every relationship is different, OP, but just make sure you have considered every eventuality.

Think I can say she didn't sign up for this seeing as I've had conversations with her and been involved in the situation that was about 10 lines in writing but a good few years in living.

Think it's actually pretty rude and dismissive to tell me that I don't know my own story better than you, apparently

16 years age gap relationship here. Met at 24 and 40. 8 years on we have 3 DC including a week old baby. It can work but age gaps do cause issued. In a way I feel iv missed out on a lot of growing up. My husband being older has always naturally taken the lead and sorts everything out while I deal with matters about the children. The morgage is in his name only and i have no idea how much money he/we actually have or what goes in and out of his account. He is also appearing to be more cynical and judgemental as he gets older which I sometimes find difficult. He has suffered with ED the past few years but that doesn't bother me as he can get tablets. On the flip side I guess he was far more mature than 24 year old men at the time! And he does seem to love me very much and is the most amazing dad despite being one year off 50! By all means go for it OP but just be aware of potential issues.

I think people often underestimate the importance of actually loving the person vs them ticking the boxes.

What if you give that up because you’re trying to be rational and think of the future that may or may not be the way that people paint the picture for you? Finding someone you love is far more important that going round with a tick list and settling for someone similar age that triggers no great feelings.

I’m with someone more than 10 years older and yeah, I could date someone more ‘suited’ but that’s the person I love and you don’t fall in love with someone that many times in your life. If he becomes unwell due to age later in life then of course I’ll look after him even when it’s hard cos that’s person I love.

There’s 18 years between me and DH.

Ours is a good, long, strong relationship but it is changing in nature, he’s in his 70s now and not in great health and I am his carer now as well as his wife. I’ve had to revise a lot of my hopes and plans for things we’d do together downwards as he simply isn’t up to things we used to take for granted any more. He’s been retired for a while, I’m still working FT. I worry about being widowed before too many more years have passed. It can be tough these days, I won’t lie.

But I still don’t think I would have changed anything, he’s made my life immeasurably happier by being in it.

I have NC'd for this- been here about 7 years.

I am in a 'huge' age gap relationship (26&53). DP is lovely, we get on very well, have lots of mutual interests, have a lot of fun together, are generally very happy. But that's how it is rig

Pressed send too soon!

But that's how it is right now. A lot could change in the next 15 years and I may well need to end up caring for him when I'm in my 40's. That's not an ideal scenario for most people, myself included but the feelings I have for DP, my life with him etc make all of that worth it. I would never leave him if I became his carer. On the flip side, if I become unwell (which is also possible) there's no one else I'd rather have to look after me than DP. On the other flip side () if I became unwell after he passed, there'd be no one to look after me. But that could happen in any relationship or for people that are single. Having weighed all the possibilities up, and my feelings for DP, I decided that it was worth all of those possibilities because no one knows what life is going to throw at them, and I just want to be with my DP for as long as I can be.

18 year age gap DH is 59 and in very good health. We are married 13 years together 16 and friends for 20. He's my best friend in the world and I couldn't imagine life without him (even if I could cheerfully strangle him at times and I'm sure he could me!) We also have 2 DC, lots of pets and a business. For context about those who say about becoming a carer, I'm 41 and became disabled due to an accident and have chronic illnesses so not what he "signed up for" but in sickness and in health he stepped up and slept on the sofa with me for 6months when I was first injured rather than going up to bed, even though I told him to. He told me it was in case I needed anything during the night but later told Dd1 it was in case I was sad or lonely. We just take what life throws at us and face it together, and I will gladly return the favour if needed.

@wellyouasked 👌