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Original poster

ExH took AND printed photo of kids in bath

71 replies

WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis · 07/07/2023 02:23

Have name changed for this. My DC brought a photo album with some photos exH had printed and given them. One was a photo of my 2 DC in a bath with exH’s younger DD (with current wife). No bubbles, it was clearly a candid shot BUT my DD’s chest and DS’s privates were clearly visible. I messaged him immediately to say this was inappropriate and he claimed it was taken 2 years ago (which means DC were 8 and 9 and his DD was 2/3). We coparent fine most of the time but he occasionally does stuff which I really do not agree with. I feel so powerless, I have already explained to the kids why they are too old to be sharing a bath with anyone and why exH shouldn’t have taken the photo and to tell me if it happens again. I don’t want them to put up with inappropriate behaviour but I don’t want to overreact either (DS was embarrassed and not at all happy about the picture). How do I deal with this kind of crap?

OP posts:

TRexTara · 07/07/2023 02:36

Right,so are you sure these aren't just photos of your children enjoying a bath? I mean what are you saying here,that your ex is dodgy in a potential sexual way with your children?

zeldamccoy · 07/07/2023 02:37

You are completely overreacting. Why involve the children? Why are you scolding them telling them they shouldn't share a bath? Fair enough but take it up with the dad. You are one of the reasons kids grow up with issues. They are too young to know what you are blithering on about. Calm down, tell the dad to be more careful next time, but keep the kids away from your drama with the ex.

stevalnamechanger · 07/07/2023 02:39

You are overreacting .

They are not too old to share if they are comfortable .

Please seek a therapist

TRexTara · 07/07/2023 02:41

Im really confused about your point and what you are hoping to achieve here. Could you make it clearer?

ItsConfusingHere · 07/07/2023 03:01

8 and 9 years old??
That is absolutely unacceptable and I would be furious as well.

Goldbar · 07/07/2023 03:18

I thought you were going to say they were toddlers and I was going to say YABU. That said, I take lots of cute bath shots of my own little ones but am always careful with what is showing for any I share/print.

But YANBU given their ages and the fact that your DS was embarrassed by it. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with them sharing a bath if they were comfortable with it, but he hasn't respected their boundaries in taking photos and I'd be worried about the example that sets to them going forward.

Original poster

WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis · 07/07/2023 03:34

@TRexTara @zeldamccoy @stevalnamechanger DC are now 10 and 11 and starting to go through puberty. ExH says photo was taken 2 years ago - are you saying you would be fine with your DC being photographed naked in a bath at 9+?? They are definitely not too young to understand, they are already learning PSHE at school. Yes, it was no doubt a candid picture of them having fun in the bath but why tf take a photo?

OP posts:

TRexTara · 07/07/2023 03:37

Right. So if nothing else your ex has no sensitivity to how embarrassed your children would feel. I remember being embarrassed aged about 4

Original poster

WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis · 07/07/2023 03:39

@Goldbar I agree, it was cute when they were little and it would have been not so bad if they were covered in bubbles to preserve some modesty.

@ItsConfusingHere Glad I’m not the only one to think so!

OP posts:

TRexTara · 07/07/2023 03:41

Has he explained why he took the photos?how do your children feel?

TRexTara · 07/07/2023 03:42

At aged 8 I would have been super hyper aware of my own privacy.

ItsConfusingHere · 07/07/2023 03:49

@WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis
I am blown away by the posters who think this is "no big deal".

tidalway · 07/07/2023 04:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 07/07/2023 05:41

What the hell?! This is so bizarre. A parent can’t take photographs of their own child in the bath?! For personal use? I could understand your rage if they’d been put on social media, but this is a photo album! I feel that almost half of the photos in my childhood photo album are of us kids running around naked! Why would it be inappropriate for a brother to have a bath with his sibling with a parent present?!

CatsSnore · 07/07/2023 05:58

It's one of those - what was your childhood norm thing things. I wouldn't have done it and either side of the debate cringes at the other.

moneymatr · 07/07/2023 06:04

So the photo is in an album? I don't see the issue? Obviously not on social media but for family only it's not a big issue . However if you are concerned of it happening as kids go through puberty I'd say to ex not appropriate now and have Lysol chats with kids about private parts.

CreamTeaDelight · 07/07/2023 06:05

I don’t think the op is overreacting. I wouldn’t let and 8 and 9 year old share a bath with anyone. I never let my children share a bath (boy and girl, boy 4 years older). Age 5 would be my
limit if I did.
They shouldn’t be photographed either (ok if bubbles).

Rockingchai · 07/07/2023 06:07

I had a very nudity friendly family growing up - lots of bath photos of us together probably aged to about 9. I wouldn’t blink at these kind of photos (private album, not social media). Interesting how varied responses are!

Alyso · 07/07/2023 06:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Blackbyrd · 07/07/2023 06:23

Who the hell is defending this? Whatever company printed out these photos should not have done so it is strictly forbidden. It is never ok to print out images of children's genitals. I have taken plenty of pictures of my children playing in the bath, and guess what? It's really easy to not take groin shots

EarringsandLipstick · 07/07/2023 06:30

OP, YANBU.

I initially thought they were toddler age but you are absolutely correct, 8 & 9 is too old, for shared bathing & the photographs.

I would write to him clearly stating this wasn't to happen again & that you were prepared to take legal steps if it did.

AndAllOurYesterdays · 07/07/2023 06:32

My 8 and 6 year old still share a bath. And I do sometimes take photos if they do something worth photographing. I would never share them outside the family but don't see anything wrong with it.

Gytgyt · 07/07/2023 06:36

I don't believe this at all. So at 8 and 9 both DC were in a bath and the water didn't cover their bits? Are you saying your EX DH deliberately zoomed the camera towards their bits in the bath? FFS OP!!

A thread like this is a joke it's not even a serious concern you have.. has their dad got a history of doing things he shouldn't? I would be furious with you OP!!

EarringsandLipstick · 07/07/2023 06:37

AndAllOurYesterdays · 07/07/2023 06:32

My 8 and 6 year old still share a bath. And I do sometimes take photos if they do something worth photographing. I would never share them outside the family but don't see anything wrong with it.

Do you show their genital area in the photos?

That's not ok. Regardless of what you are doing with the photo

Children don't have agency in this situation. At this point, they deserve privacy & for private parts of their body not to be photographed.

Gytgyt · 07/07/2023 06:38

Blackbyrd · 07/07/2023 06:23

Companies don't print nude photos. Perhaps OP is lying......

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