ExH took AND printed photo of kids in bath

[WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis]

Have name changed for this. My DC brought a photo album with some photos exH had printed and given them. One was a photo of my 2 DC in a bath with exH’s younger DD (with current wife). No bubbles, it was clearly a candid shot BUT my DD’s chest and DS’s privates were clearly visible. I messaged him immediately to say this was inappropriate and he claimed it was taken 2 years ago (which means DC were 8 and 9 and his DD was 2/3). We coparent fine most of the time but he occasionally does stuff which I really do not agree with. I feel so powerless, I have already explained to the kids why they are too old to be sharing a bath with anyone and why exH shouldn’t have taken the photo and to tell me if it happens again. I don’t want them to put up with inappropriate behaviour but I don’t want to overreact either (DS was embarrassed and not at all happy about the picture). How do I deal with this kind of crap?

There has to be something seriously wrong with anyone thinking it's ok for children to share a bath (never mind taking photos, which is even worse!) at the ages of the children in question.

This isn't even just about if the parent thinks it's ok, it's about protecting the kids and their right to privacy. Girls can start going through puberty as early as age 9 and they are definitely learning about their bodies in school at that point. It may not always be the case but it seems very likely that children of that age would feel uncomfortable nude in the bath with siblings even if they haven't verbalized it. They might even start wanting some privacy from a parent.

My children were instructed on how to start showering/bathing themselves without assistance from the age of about 7. There is a point when a parent shouldn't be barging in on their kids unless absolutely necessary. I mean, at what age is your DH going to give your daughter privacy in the bathroom? 9 is already too old IMO.

Someone has kindly pointed that out already. Do keep up dear no need to be a parrot

I’ve got loads of photos of my kids in the bath when they were little, I think we had up to 6 children in our bath on a few occasions. I’m failing to understand the point here.

Surely it’s up to the children, they’ll let you know when they are ready to bathe alone.
Baths with cousins and siblings are fun. It is adults that are sexualising this, it’s very sad!

It is adults that are sexualising this, it’s very sad!

Adults are not 'sexualising' anything.

There are appropriate boundaries for privacy around matters like this - and certainly by the ages the DC were at when the photos were taken, they should have bathed separately.

Regarding taking photos, I'm personally of the opinion no naked photos of children at any age are appropriate but certainly not beyond babyhood. It's just about boundaries that we as adults need to help children establish and preserve. You don't wait for them to tell you!

Home printers ... .🙄

Same here 🤷‍♀️ they are adults now and love looking back at the silly photos, in the bath, streaking in the garden on a hot day etc..
But we don’t Pearl clutch at nudity in our house.

So I messaged exH last night and he popped over to discuss it in person this morning. Basically it seems that he sent a batch of photos for printing and apparently didn’t realise that photo was included. Photos were printed by an online shop and he admitted it’s not good that the photo ended up being printed (at least he didn’t try to downplay it).

My DC were fine sharing a bath with their younger half-sister back then, DS was not fussed about being photographed but bothered that his privates were visible in the photo which he didn’t realise at the time. DD still shares bath occasionally with younger half-sister but with underwear on.

For those of you who are fine with the idea of nudity/your pre-pubescent kids being photographed naked, I’m assuming you probably wouldn’t be bothered with them sending nudes of themselves when they’re older. That’s not what I want my kids to be doing which is why I want to set clear boundaries now.

But we don’t Pearl clutch at nudity in our house.

🙄

It's not 'pearl clutching' to believe taking photos of fully naked children at 8+ is not acceptable, much less putting them in albums.

Yes, it was more often done before tho still not that common as less photos were taken & printed. Still wasn't ok, and now it's definitely not.

The child has no agency in this situation, that's the issue.

@WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis

That's a good update, and glad he recognises it wasn't ok.

Glad you got it sorted!

Sounds like you've had a sensible discussion about with him it op which is good. I agree, it's a bit old for naked pictures showing everything and borderline for bath sharing, my kids would be mortified. On a tangent, it must be massive bath to get 3 dc of those ages in!

I’m 55 - it wouldn’t be pretty 😂 these were young kids in their parent’s home. And you will probably faint in horror when I tell you that at 8 or 9 my kids often saw me naked too!

It wasn’t shared on bloody social media! Stop being so dramatic! It went from one parents house to the other.

My kids would laugh in your face at the idea that I “struggle with boundaries”. In fact they would think you and the other drama llamas on here are quite unhinged.

For those of you who are fine with the idea of nudity/your pre-pubescent kids being photographed naked, I’m assuming you probably wouldn’t be bothered with them sending nudes of themselves when they’re older.

Oh sure because that's the same 🤦🏻‍♀️

That must have been a crowded bath!

I think the father probably didn't mean any harm, just thought it would be nice to have a picture of his three children together. But given the age of the elder two I imagine they felt uncomfortable. I stopped having baths with my brother by the time we started primary school, I'd have cringed if I'd been asked to take a bath with him when I was five or more. (There is less than two years between us.) So, the OP is not being unreasonable to be concerned. Not that there is any suggestion of her ex being some kind of perv, but because their son has expressed embarrassment. He didn't want the picture taken, and wasn't in a position to give consent in the first place. Given that, her ex should get rid of the photo.
Try not to raise the emotional stakes, if you can. It's hard, I know. OP is not being unreasonable. Handled correctly this should blow over. DCren are lucky to have a mother who is sensitive to their feelings and boundaries.

Just saw the update. (I was in a rush earlier.) Good outcome, glad you got it acknowledged and sorted.

Bath shots are a perverts treasure

At 8 and 9 a brother and sister are too old to be sharing a bath anyway. My DSD was 8 when DD was born they never got in the bath together. Much as she loved her being her only sibling at the time. Though she did with a female friend when they had a sleepover. I did take photos of DC in the bath with their privates covered. I don't think it's appropriate posting them on social media like some do. Even with just their top part of body showing.