ExH took AND printed photo of kids in bath

[WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis]

Have name changed for this. My DC brought a photo album with some photos exH had printed and given them. One was a photo of my 2 DC in a bath with exH’s younger DD (with current wife). No bubbles, it was clearly a candid shot BUT my DD’s chest and DS’s privates were clearly visible. I messaged him immediately to say this was inappropriate and he claimed it was taken 2 years ago (which means DC were 8 and 9 and his DD was 2/3). We coparent fine most of the time but he occasionally does stuff which I really do not agree with. I feel so powerless, I have already explained to the kids why they are too old to be sharing a bath with anyone and why exH shouldn’t have taken the photo and to tell me if it happens again. I don’t want them to put up with inappropriate behaviour but I don’t want to overreact either (DS was embarrassed and not at all happy about the picture). How do I deal with this kind of crap?

I have no difficulty believing it. She said no bubbles - water is, um, transparent! Of course their genitalia might be seen.

He shouldn't have the 3 DC bathing together. He shouldn't take photos like this of them. It's very simple.

Where is the picture? Does your ex show it to people? Children of that age start to become awar of their bodies . I would have been horribly embarrassed if someone had photographed me naked at nine. I would be requesting my ex to destroy the photo

((DS was embarrassed and not at all happy about the picture)
^
This is the key point for me. If DS is not ok with the picture then the picture is not ok.

I agree at age 8/9 is starting to get beyond when a “bathtime fun” photo is appropriate. That’s the type of thing that is more appropriate for younger children not children who are moving toward bathing in privacy, getting conscious of body parts and potentially starting to see pre-puberty changes to their bodies.

Does your Ex often struggle to understand how to change/adapt as the children get older. I’m wondering if he just isn’t getting that things changed as kids get older and is still treating them like the little kids they once were?

I think 8 and 9 is too old for a bath photo particularly if it show private areas.

@EarringsandLipstick at 8 and 9 if the dad was going against the kids wishes wouldn't they have told their mum 2 years ago? On one hand OP is making dad out to be some sort of pervert which I think is also wrong.

Come on over 1 photo? If the album was full of nude pictures fair enough that is odd but it's not the case.

If your DS isn’t happy about the picture then ask your ex to remove it. Assuming she was pre-puberty and not bothered, your daughter and her chest are neither here nor there.

You aren’t being unreasonable, but you are making it bigger than it is. Your ex just wasn’t thinking by the sound of it, and also - I’d guess - grew up in a family more relaxed about nudity.

Drop him an email saying nice album but you son is very embarrassed about the bath picture so please take it out. Don’t add any outrage to this, or you will be less likely to get the result you want.

It’s not 1988. There’s plenty of home tech to print photos

Yes, they are too old. I remember my mother wanting a bath picture at a similar age and me objecting. She took it anyway and it has pride of place in the photo album even though I am visibly uncomfortable in the picture. It's not showing anything though. The point is, how do your kids feel about this? If they have any discomfort with it, they now have something to remind them of this event forever.

my dc told me when they no longer wanted to share a bath.

They might not have told if the father made them feel like they were being unreasonable about the situation.

Not every parent listens.

How on earth did anyone fit an 8 year old, a 9 year old and a toddler in a single domestic bath?

I can see the issue in printing a photo showing an 8/9 year olds genitals, but you also seem annoyed about bare chest showing. Which does does seem pretty weird. What's the problem with a child's chest?
And why do people think it's inappropriate for kids to share a bath? Pre puberty, if they're happy with it (and I guess they're less likely to be happy about it if they've grown up being told nudity is wrong...) then that bit's a total non issue.

at 8 and 9 if the dad was going against the kids wishes wouldn't they have told their mum 2 years ago?
Because nobody has ever gone along with anything an adult has told them to do before without putting a stop to it or telling a parent the next day. It's not fair to infer that they mist have been fine with it as they let it happen.

So at 8 and 9 both DC were in a bath and the water didn't cover their bits? Are you saying your EX DH deliberately zoomed the camera towards their bits in the bath? FFS OP!!
How dirty is your bath water that you can't see the the water?

Really not acceptable! I am always amazed at people who do this kind of stuff. What are they thinking?

These are people who soon will be adults with feelings. How are they going to feel in 8 years???

Would you take photos of your eight and nine year old naked now?

They may not have had the capacity to verbalise it.

I don't see OP suggesting exH is a pervert. I'm not saying anything of the kind either.

However, it is massively inappropriate. You do not, whatever your parenting approach is, take naked photos of your children, certainly beyond babyhood, and certainly not that show their genitalia.

It's not a matter of opinion. It's what is appropriate based on boundaries & understand children's right to privacy.

As teens, My dcs would be uncomfortable about seeing a picture if them naked in a Bath aged 8~9yo Too, even though they were comfortable been naked around each other and us at the time.

So several issues for ne

• how they felt then
• how they feel about the photo now.

@WhyDoesHeDoShitLikeThis when your ds says he is uncomfortable, what does he mean? That he didn’t like tte baths then or he doesn’t like tte idea if him naked being displayed like that now?

I understand your frustration and disappointment in your Ex but you could have handled this better. Are they still sharing baths? If not then you can’t undo what has happened in the past. I think deep down you know that venting to your Ex wouldn’t change things and now your children are in the middle of an argument between their parents.

Empower your children don’t burden them.

Are they still sharing baths? She's answered this extensively.

If this was any of my 4 at these ages I would also be fuming to old to take bath photos

Let's not Pearl clutch. I do not take photos on my 8 year old in the bath. However if I happen to catch his bits in the bath I probably wouldn't put in an album. However is this actually true? Because who printed the photo? Because shops are NOT allowed and secondly why isn't OP more concerned about the bath sharing rather than a picture from 2 years ago. OP is ranting as though it happens all the time it's past tense 😬

Could it be that dad is being clumsy and he will remove the photo? I'm sorry but I don't see the fuss. It sounds like a one off I'm not sure why it's being taken to the extreme.