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Original poster

Need help encouraging my boyfriend to feel less bored with life

61 replies

clickyourfeet · 06/07/2023 22:45

My boyfriend is currently working full-time in a retail job he hates (with no consecutive days off) but he can’t afford to leave, while studying a masters full-time online. He has tried to apply for other jobs but hasn’t been successful, and is now taking the time to build his portfolio for future employers in his field.

He says he’s happy with every other aspect of his life except his employment but often complains about being bored. I try to reassure him that this is only temporary and remind him of the things we have to look forward to but they have no real bearing. We’re both in our mid twenties and are moving to Dubai next year so we really do have a look to look forward to but it’s harder for him to realise this as it seems so out of reach.

I’ve decided to make him a “How to Cure Boredom” bag with suggestions inside:

  1. Book for Bored Adults (suggestions on how to fix boredom)
  2. Adult colouring book with markers
  3. Whale crochetting kit
  4. Madras spices with recipe
  5. Yoyo 🪀
  6. Breathing and mediation guide
  7. 1 month work of mindfulness journaling
  8. 101 awful jokes (one liners but bad one liners)
  9. Face mask and bubble bath (to encourage a self care spa day)
  10. Mason jar with solo activites for boredom
  11. Mason jar with date night suggestions

The idea behind it was he would develop some new skills i.e. cooking, crochetting, mindfulness etc., and I know he may snub some of the contents and feel they’re a bit feminine!

Has anyone any suggestions? Ideally things I can stick in the bag.

OP posts:
NutellaNut · 07/07/2023 00:00

Your idea for a boredom bag sounds great if those are the things he’s into. If so, crack on.

Maybe I’m being a bit sexist and ageist but I can’t imagine many young men who’d get into crochet and colouring to be honest. It would certainly give my DP a big laugh if nothing else. Are these things he’d really do in all seriousness?

Think what he’s really into, or used to be, and try to develop ideas around that. Maybe get him some books on Dubai and neighbouring countries and get him to plan lots of trips and excursions and places to see/visit when you’re out there.

UsingChangeofName · 07/07/2023 00:05

My thoughts were the same as pp.
I read it twice to see if I'd misread something the first time.

However, if he is

  • doing a masters FT and is
  • working in retail to earn his keep, as well as
  • normal tasks to live (shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, etc), and
  • socialising with you and with his friends, and
  • planning for this international mood, and
  • applying for other jobs , and
  • building his portfolio
how does he really have time to be bored ? Confused
Frogger8395 · 07/07/2023 00:30

Why is his boredom your problem to solve?

Pinkhairedlaydee · 07/07/2023 00:34

I'm honestly shocked reading this. It sounds like you're his support human. Good Lord, so he's bored......it's a job not entertainment. If he can't understand it's just part of the journey to get where you both want to be then I have to hold my hands up in dismay.

DowntonCrabby · 07/07/2023 00:39

Frogger8395 · 07/07/2023 00:30

Why is his boredom your problem to solve?

This.

He’s a, presumably intelligent, grown-ass man. Surely he can see the light at the end of the tunnel once he has his Master’s and you make the move? Surely, also having a boring job allows him to focus on his studying without having masses of responsibility or work stress to bring home.

SoWhatEh · 07/07/2023 00:40

juggling balls
rubic cube
sudoku puzzles (weirdly calming)
Magic tricks

I think these are slightly more masculine than some of your ideas. I'd love to crochet a whale but can't see DH doing it. He is highly house-trained Wink but I have to sew his buttons on as his massive fingers struggle to thread a needle.

What you are doing is lovely. It's not your job to cure his boredom but it is a loving gesture to show you are interested in supporting him get through it.

Is he moving to Dubai without a job?

MumGMT · 07/07/2023 00:51

How on earth could he be bored?

I don't think bored is the right word at all.
Is it more that he's a bit depressed? Feeling bored could be a symptom, it sounds like he has the world at his feet, and that he is very busy...and you have big plans to look forward but you said to him they seem out of reach so it seems more likely that he's a bit depressed?

If it is boredom then it sounds like he wants excitement rather than mindfulness hobbies like you mentioned. The things you mentioned are more for people who want to chill or relieve stress.

PrayerFactory · 07/07/2023 00:55

His boredom, if it is boredom, isn’t your problem to solve.

And, not to rain on your parade, but I lived and worked in Dubai for a couple of years and, having lived in a lot of different places, Dubai was unquestionably the most boring.

cassiatwenty · 07/07/2023 00:55

What do you guys plan to do in Dubai for fun?

pinkdelight · 07/07/2023 00:57

It doesn't sound like he's the kind of bored that means he needs a puzzle to do or a madras to cook. It sounds more like he's in the mire for the time being, enduring the job and doing the masters, investing in/hoping for a better more stimulating future. It's a sweet girlfriendy thing to do and maybe it'll cheer him up but it's not really understanding the unavoidable grind and as pp says, he probably doesn't have time or headspace for these kinds of pursuits, which feel more like someone with too much time and nothing to do might try. Let him be bored and find his own way through it. You can't fix him, just be you.

Springbecamethesummer · 07/07/2023 01:00

Forget the list, kind as you are, it won't work.
He has got to change his mindset, practice gratitude, he would be a whole lot worse off without this job and it's only temporary, maybe look at it as building resilience and tolerance, which are useful skills to master.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 07/07/2023 01:06

Your idea is super sweet, you are a very kind person.
However if i were the recipient, i would run a million miles.
If he's bored, let him sort himself out, while you find someone who is not bored with a lovely soul like you in their life

Opentooffers · 07/07/2023 01:19

Hmm... offer a person who's got lots on and yet claims to be bored, a bag full of really boring stuff to do. That's going to work 🙄Are you not bored with not being able to see much of him as he's doing so much?

Mmhmmn · 07/07/2023 01:27

clickyourfeet · 06/07/2023 22:45

My boyfriend is currently working full-time in a retail job he hates (with no consecutive days off) but he can’t afford to leave, while studying a masters full-time online. He has tried to apply for other jobs but hasn’t been successful, and is now taking the time to build his portfolio for future employers in his field.

He says he’s happy with every other aspect of his life except his employment but often complains about being bored. I try to reassure him that this is only temporary and remind him of the things we have to look forward to but they have no real bearing. We’re both in our mid twenties and are moving to Dubai next year so we really do have a look to look forward to but it’s harder for him to realise this as it seems so out of reach.

I’ve decided to make him a “How to Cure Boredom” bag with suggestions inside:

  1. Book for Bored Adults (suggestions on how to fix boredom)
  2. Adult colouring book with markers
  3. Whale crochetting kit
  4. Madras spices with recipe
  5. Yoyo 🪀
  6. Breathing and mediation guide
  7. 1 month work of mindfulness journaling
  8. 101 awful jokes (one liners but bad one liners)
  9. Face mask and bubble bath (to encourage a self care spa day)
  10. Mason jar with solo activites for boredom
  11. Mason jar with date night suggestions

The idea behind it was he would develop some new skills i.e. cooking, crochetting, mindfulness etc., and I know he may snub some of the contents and feel they’re a bit feminine!

Has anyone any suggestions? Ideally things I can stick in the bag.

Quite a lot of men are just never happy with what they've got. Just ..be aware and keep your eyes open and don't get dragged down. Maybe plan interesting things to do in and around Dubai, make damn sure he definitely wants to move there so you don't get a nasty shock.

MrsElsa · 07/07/2023 01:31

Don't get sucked in OP. He's an adult he has to sort his own head out, you can't do it for him.

Cook him a nice steak as a surprise, that's all. And stay out of his headspace. You have your own life to live

MintJulia · 07/07/2023 01:39

I was always told that being bored said more about the person than it did about his situation.

How can he be bored while doing a masters? And why is it your problem to solve. He's a grown up!!

SillySaloon · 07/07/2023 02:13

Is he unhappy with something/several things in his life? It sounds more like thay than boredom. As others said, where would he get the time to be bored !
Surely he can see that the job is a means to and end, and he should be really excited about heading off to Dubai with you next year… So why is he bored? Sounds like fun to me! One year away should not be seeming out of reach. This year is half over already, time flies.
I agree with others who say that this really isn't your issue to solve. Don’t drain all your energy worrying about his ‘boredom’. He needs to address this himself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to him. X

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2023 03:14

Only a boring person says they're bored. Why on earth would he be bored, and why are you jumping through hoops trying to manage this for him? He's a grown man, he can stop whinging and figure this out for himself. There is literally no end to things he can find to do. You're not his mum or his handler, let him deal with himself.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/07/2023 05:34

He sounds like he's fed up with his routine, not-very-challenging job. And that's okay, it's a means to an end. And however he's feeling, it's not up to you to manage or fix it, like PPs said.

chocobaby · 07/07/2023 05:40

Yet another woman being a mother and nanny to a GROWN ADULT MALE.
a boredom bag?! I did that when my kids were very young and we were going on a long car journey.

Monty27 · 07/07/2023 05:47

Are you hoping he would rather stack shelves than crochet? I would
I see your strategy. I raise you an Embroidery set 100 small wild flowers 🌺🌷🌺🌷

HerMammy · 07/07/2023 06:14

Deary me, you're not his mummy, colouring in and lets make a whale?? sounds like you're entertaining a 4 yr old.

Forestdweller11 · 07/07/2023 06:39

It seems hugely condescending. Is there anything you can do together that's outside normal stuff you do? I don't know, but go to an open mike event, paddle boarding, nature ramble, pub quiz, bingo, agricultural show, few hours volunteering at a food bank, carboot sale, small local festival/show?

Clymene · 07/07/2023 06:50

chocobaby · 07/07/2023 05:40

Yet another woman being a mother and nanny to a GROWN ADULT MALE.
a boredom bag?! I did that when my kids were very young and we were going on a long car journey.

Yes. It's what you do for small children to stop them being disruptive on long journeys, not grown men who are feeling a bit sorry for themselves.

He sounds really whiny

Ragwort · 07/07/2023 06:51

Early 20s, working full time and studying for a Masters full time Hmm ? and he is 'bored' .. I would run a mile from someone like that. Where is his zest for life? His enthusiasm?
What attracts you to him? Does he really have no hobbies or interests?

You can do so much better ... or even enjoy life on your own ... rather than thinking up activities for him ... he sounds seriously unappealing.