if we got married by just signing a bit of paper by ourselves, would we regret it later?

[bohemianbint]

I've been with DP for 5 years this year and we have an 18 month old son and a baby due in August.

I've never really seen the point of getting married and have avoided it because I don't see why I should! However, recently, it's started to make a bit more sense, but only for practical reasons, cheaper car insurance, yadda yadda. It's not very romantic but then I don't feel the need to make a massive expensive gesture to prove we love each other- I reckon bearing two children probably gets the point across!

I've also never wanted a big wedding and the thought of a trad do and saying all that stuff while everyone we know watches makes me feel sick with fear! It's just not for me, and whilst DP isn't that fussed I think he'd like to make a bit more of it than I do.

But recently, for some reason that I can't explain (probably pregnancy hormones) I feel like I just want to sign the papers asap, before the baby is born. I couldn't give a crap about it beign "born in wedlock", DS wasn't and I don't set any store by that because I'm not religious. I'd just like to be married by then, for some reason, and maybe have an informal party to celebrate, perhaps a year on when things aren't so manic.

Has anyone done anything like this? Does it feel "not proper" if you sneak off and just sign the papers? Would I regret not doing something more memorable in years to come? I can't see me ever changing my mind and wanting a ceremony in front of lots of people, but should we have at least parents? But then, that would lead to faffing...Will stop waffling, but can anyone offer any advice/anecdotes please?

We had a big wedding, wasn't really what we wanted but felt pushed into it by Mum. That was 14 1/2 yrs ago and I wish we had just gone on our own and done it with no fuss etc.

We are currently thinking of re-doing vows and it will definitely be just us and maybe dc's.

Just do it how YOU want to. It isn't for anyone else. x

It's the feeling different afterwards that I find particularly off-putting, tbh.

Thank goodness it's not just me.

I got married abroad to avoid the fuss of a big wedding here.The thought of church, reception, etc was enough to make me nauseous.

I was FORCED in to having a party afterwards, when we got back but insisted on casual dress and no fuss. It was low key and fine.

That was 14 years ago and I have never regretted it.

We had a very small wedding, just me, dp, my mum, (NOT her husband, my step father, as we weren't speaking at the time) my mum's adopted daughter; my sister, her husband and 2 children; my other sister and her boyf; step sister, her dh, their 3 children; best friends x 2 and their 5 children, dh's mum, dad, brother and niece.

We went to the registry office and then for a Pizza afterwards then off to friend's house in evening for Champagne and Waitrose delivered food.

I wanted to BE married, not GET married and I'm glad we jsut got on and did it. If we'd pondered we might never have got around to it.

So no, I don't think you'll regret it. I don't although we did have immediate family there. It was a lovely day.

Message withdrawn

Oh good. I don't want to be married, but I can see that there are advantages to caving in to state blackmail.

"I wanted to BE married, not GET married"

Exactly how DH and I felt, WWW.

we had a small wedding - 5 weeks ago. I got a dress from ebay and we married in a registry office for £93. We had a meal out after for 20 and an evening do. Whole wedding was less than £1500 inc alcohol, cake and flowers.

I am preganat too and nderstand the sentiment - didnt really bother me before but now i want the secrity more than ever.

totally agree with BE married not GET married - its so much more than a day IMO

Motherinferior's right - I did it exactly this way. Got the bus to the local registry office one Saturday - took our two dds (then 4 months and 3 years old), also took a couple of friends to avoid having to beg for witnesses on the street. But that was it. Then home for cake (cos I like baking!).

Not a big deal, I have no idea what the date was, and it is never marked in any way as an anniversary. It was simply a case of sorting out legal stuff, pension rights etc. We investigated the alternatives as I was very very unkeen on marriage, but even just making each other next of kin was going to cost more than the marriage licence. So it was the cheapest, easiest way to get peace of mind.

The words 'husband' and 'wife' are never used in our house. Some of our friends still don't know we did it, though we don't lie if asked. It was just a day to sort out paperwork for us, and I'm aware that it's very much more than that for some people, just not for me.

We lived (in sin!) opposite the Registry Office for 11 years, and finally decided to get married just before I got pregnant. It was really to tie up the legal loose ends - life insurance, kid's welfare etc. We had two friends as witnesses, got dressed up, did the deed on a beautiful April morning, and went to the local Wine bar afterwards. We didn't even tell our parents,- if we had, the whole thing would have snowballed, and I'm too mean to spend the money! I have no regrets at all, it suited us, and come this July, we have been together for 21 years!!!! As my DH says, you get less for murder!

Message withdrawn

yes i did that last year, just parents, sister and couple of friends for witnesses, all arranged in a few weeks. drank rather a lot of fizz afterwards, off to local vietnamese restaurant for a feast and that was it. we did have a party for friends a while later, but that was also a very overdue housewarming party.

it has made no difference at all to our relationship (we've been together 15years). it was about £100 for giving notice, licenses etc which was more than i'd expected, although of course this is nothing in the face of the £20k some people spend.

Sorry haven't read the whole thread.
Dh and i got married 5 years ago, we invited 4 friends and didn't tell anybody else about it including parents (we are both very close to our parents). We have never regretted it.
We went to the registry pffice and then went for a chinese, it was perfect.

We got hitched in the registers' office. Cost less than £100 (64?) - can't remember exactly. (I didn't want a big doo unless it was in church with my father giving me away, which due to his health wasn't possible, and lots of other things) We just had parents there and went for lunch at a very nice country house. Spent loads on rings which will last, and would rather spend money on things that will last more than one day anyway. In the future we may well have a church blessing and a big party, but tbh we'd been together for ages and it was a legal thing for us and our future children rather than anything else - it was moving tho - DH was almost in tears putting ring on my finger )
Anyway, I think it's a shame that so many people feel pressured into spending more than they are happy to afford on one day fgs - I've been to a number of weddings which have been very simple and personal - family pitching in with catering/ marquees on friends' farm etc and they have all been very lovely occassions.

Anyway, if you want to do it, you have to register two weeks in advance then turn up at your appt at the registers' office with max 4 guests, I think, then it's around £100-150 if you want the ceremony room but you don't have to have this.
So, can be sorted quickly and inexpensively, and then you could have a summer party at a local village hall or something at another time.

Do I seem really tight?

Hi MI- know what you mean about 'feeling diferent'- we had to get married after not sure how many years and 3 kids, it was to do with pensions. Anyway I had a good friend whose partner's visa was due to run out- they'd been together ages- they had got married, and she reassured me it had made no difference, and it didn't to us either. We took the kids, had 2 witnesses (friends) a small party- I tied white ribbons on the double buggy for a laugh. Don't worry, if you need to do it, just do it, you can makeof it what you will and like Pidge said, no one need ever know. I do sometimes call DP DH (IYSWIM) if it's going to make things simpler, but not usually.

Thanks MLE

I fear Mr Inferior would do the tears thing and I'd have to walk out

I got married to DH quietly in a register office when I was pg with DS1.
We had our parents there to act as witnesses then went home for cake and champagne. Later on in the evening we went out for a meal to our favorite resturant and it was lovely.

I have to say it wasnt a romantic kind of wedding, it was just to tie up the loose ends before DS1 was born.
I had been married before and still had my firs husbands name and we wanted it everything to be more neat IYKWIM.I have no regrets about the way we did things, it saved us an absolute fortune. I just wished that on our way back from the wedding we had stopped off at a photographers and had some pictures taken. The register office wasnt very picturesqe so we just had some snaps taken by our parents, though with hindsight we really should have had some professional ones doe.

oops done

Me & my dh did a similar thing. We got married at a beautiful registry office on our own with just one witness each. (my best friend and dh's best friend) Afterwards we had a meal and then they drove us up to our airport hotel where we spent the night before going off on honeymoon the next day. It was totally brilliant. No fuss, no bother. The reason behind it was that dh's parents were no longer alive and it didn't seem right to have a wedding with my parents there and nobody for him.
We also did plan to have a big party to celebrate with family and friends upon our return, but unfortunately dh's sisters boycotted these plans saying if they weren't invited to the actual wedding itself, then they wouldn't be coming to just a party and neither would their sons
Bitches!

Anyway, that attitude just reinforced it for dh & me, that we had made the right decision to just get on with it ourselves.

My parents at first were a bit put out (I am an only child), but then they too saw that it was what we wanted, and respected our wishes. (Think they were also a bit relieved at the saving of the expense too. LOL)

So, I would say, go for it. If that's what you decide. Just be sure before you do it and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

im in same position as carmenere, faintly humiliating as it is to say
id like something small. but the longer he prevaricates, the more luxurious i think it ought to be .
still no big day tho - yuk.

another quiet one here, we didnt want all the fuss. SIL was very dissapointed but nicely told here she could have her wedding as wanted but we would do it the way we wanted.

Went to registry offic (Saturday 9am!) with 2 friends and DS and had greasy breakfast afterwards. Would do the same again.

We got married on our own. Wearing jeans. Told family beforehand though.

I have absolutely NO regrets whatsoever (though one day will just try on a wedding meringue, just to see what it looks like). IN fact, my brother is currently organising a wedding (or rather his girlfriend is) and while I am excited for them, I just don't get the whole "special day" "celebration of love" thang.

I think I am the wedding grinch. But I would baulk massively at forking out for photographers and wedding favours and the like.

We got married for practical reasons really. Knew we loved each other and wanted to be together. And wanted to have children and wanted to be married before having children. So was time to get married.

i knew a couple who just sloped off and got married in their jeans. still happily together now. have to admit, i thought it was terribly romantic, and the wedding pics looked very rock 'n roll, helped along by the fact that the bride would've looked gorgeous in a binbag