Would you make an effort to take children over to grandparents if they don’t like you?

[Ifyousayso1]

It’s pretty obvious my in laws don’t like me. Should I be making an effort to take the children to see them? They don’t come over to our house. I’m not really happy with them going as they make comments about me all the time. I suffer with M.E, it’s bad but I push and I can still do a lot just in exhaustion. They say I’m lazy, it gets me down as I wish so much I didn’t have this illness, there is so much more I want to do. They don’t offer any help at all. Even though we have a 7 month old who has never slept more then 2 hours at night. I get about 2-3 hrs sleep a night.

Ive just booked a small break away and he has just opened it up to his family. Someone please shoot me now.

No. Their grandchildren so they can make the effort to see them, take them out or fetch and return them.
M.E. sucks. I have CFS as part of another condition and people don’t get it. I’ve had how can you be tired when you don’t work? (Retired) It’s not just tiredness it’s mind numbing, shutting everything down fatigue.
Your DH should be backing you.

Can you catch up on sleep while the kids are with the grandparents? If so I'd say yes. Your sleep and recuperation is high priority here.

FFS, what is wrong with him? Extra people to look after his kids because he doesn’t want to? I’d cancel and rebook something just for yourself.

@Zarataralara that’s exactly how he just worded it. It’s tiring for me having to be nice and pretend I’m not exhausted and pushing it so my children have a nice time. They won’t take them anyway.

Well you can be a passenger in your own life or you can have a frank conversation with your husband.

The choice really is yours

I don’t want to upset him or make him piggy in the middle. Unless he sees it he won’t understand what I’m saying.

Why are in-laws so mean (mine are lovely so I know I’m lucky there). My advice to would-be in-laws is to treat their daughters-in-law well as she will be doing all the coordinating and scheduling you you will not be a priority if she knows you don’t like her. And yes, I’ve actually said that to someone at a wedding as the new MIL complained to me about my best friend as she got married. Awful.

Not sure how I’d handle the situation in op’s position but if they are badmouthing you to your children then I’d have to put my food down. Your husband needs to step up for you here.

In answer to your original question, hell no. If DH wants to facilitate it, let him crack on. If not, they lose out - tough.

As for the mini break he’s invited them on, tell him to uninvite them or he goes with them alone while you and the children go elsewhere.

But he doesn't see it does he

Or chooses to ignore it more like

It's ok for you to be treated like shit though?

Have you not pointed out their behaviour to him?

If not, why not?

If so, why has he asked them to come on holiday with you?

He’s happy to upset you. Just cancel the break. Tell him you’ll book one but his family are not welcome and you’ll cancel that too if he invites them. And if they turn up you and baby will go home.

No, shut this down now!! You need to tell him straight away that they’re not coming. You have booked the break - how can he open it up to them?

They won’t come, they always find and excuse.

Nope, if they can't be polite in your company you are under no obligation to be abused.

It is always a mistake to foster a relationship with someone who you know can be abusive, how do you know it's not your children next?

I find it hard to not give a crap. I spent 12 years or so in an abusive marriage where I was treated like rubbish and felt worthless. When they do this I can’t help but feel rubbish all over again. It’s not on the same scale but it has a similar effect, not being accepted for me. It brings all the feelings back that perhaps there is something wrong with me. I haven’t been unkind, I’ve been a person with an illness who is
exhausted sometimes, someone still recovering from that awful marriage. But we are happy and have this lovely little bundle who makes us so happy (even if she doesn’t sleep). He accepts me for who I am so I don’t know why they can’t. And likewise I accept him for who he is.

You need to pretend you don't give a crap. Then you'll realise that it's ok.

You need to be honest with your DH. Be very clear and spell out to him why you are unhappy with the way they treat you and your older child. It's just not good enough for him to continue ignore their behaviour and pretend nothing is wrong! Also please get some counselling for yourself to help you to build your self worth so that you can speak up and learn to value yourself more.

No I wouldn’t. If my husband insisted they see them I’d expect him to take them. Does your husband take the kids to see your parents?

@Mumtothreegirlies no my mum comes round all the time. She helps us out with my eldest and school as I’m currently struggling as the baby doesn’t sleep.

I wouldn't make the effort but I'd not be upset if DH took them.

To answer the question in the heading, no, I would not be taking my children to see grandparents that clearly didn't like me. I certainly wouldn't if they were in the habit of making negative comments to me or about me. They probably wouldn't hesitate to badmouth you to your own children.

Absolutely no way I'd be visiting, and I would also keep your own DD well away. If she is older she'll notice things like the juice etc.
You need to talk to your DH and get him to understand how you feel, let him go on holiday with his parents and you stay home and relax!

No, I wouldn’t. It’s up to your partner to do such visits

I never understand these threads, very few people have a meaningful relationship with their grandparents.

@Northernparent68 I had a great one with mine, used to have the best sleepovers. I know a lot of people with good relationships with their grandparents. A lot of my colleagues children are with the grandparents whilst they work. I know my eldest was at the time (with my mum and dad when he was alive).