Help me find the courage to say "Hi".

[walthamalltheway]

I'm feeling like a teenager all over again. I'm 29!! Please help me get a grip.

For the first time, in 6 years, I finally fancy someone. I was stuck in an abusive relationship for many years, so my eyes were firmly on ex, so was scared of the opposite sex and did not have any interest in them at all (thought that I could be gay).

Anyway, back to the story, there's a very good looking man who works as a train guard of some sort, he has worked in my local train station for years- so I'm often bumping into him. Thought he was initially gay, no idea why I thought that, so didn't really pay him no mind. Sometimes, I think he glances my way, but I doubt it as I am way over his league and probably loads of women fawn over him. But I do have a peculiar dress sense, more pinkish, so he could be just admiring my style. There was one point I saw him out of work and he was dressed in full head gear black emo style- so figured that the reason why he was glancing at me was just because he liked what I was wearing.

For the first time, I had to ask him a question as my DD left to go to school by herself on the train (she didn't tell me and forgot her phone at home) so I was walking up and down the platform, looking for her like some lunatic. So I saw the train guard (the one I have a crush on)-whether he had seen DD. He told me "Oh! The little girl your always with? Yes, I saw her past. I wanted to tell her to wait for you but I didn't know what to do"... so after that short conversation, we exchanged pleasantries and off I went.

This morning I wanted to have the courage to say "hello" to him but I just couldn't. I looked straight ahead and walked off. I don't know, maybe I am overthinking this, I just want to muster the courage and say "hello". I'm not expecting a date or a relationship. I just want to be confident but also don't want to miss opportunities.

Bump :)

TBH you sound a bit scary, but hopefully that's just your excitement coming out and you wouldn't be so full on IRL.

You have the perfect in now, just say thank you for helping you when you were so stressed ot apologise for getting in a state.

This sounds a bit weird

Compliments are great e.g. you seem jolly today! You have a great smile etc etc

You can also just them how they are, most people love to talk about themselves!

I suspect their job is normally full of people being angry at them so if you want to bring a quick chat about what you’ve both been up to, I’m sure they’d be delighted to talk.

Well thanks for dampening my spirits 😒

I don’t think it’s weird or scary to strike up conversation with someone you think is good looking and has happily chatted to you in the past. Ignore the previous unhelpful comments!!

I think it's just the pink and black bit that sounds a bit strange maybe?

OP, as a pp says you have the perfect excuse to talk to him. Just thank him again for his help with your DD.

Your sound lovely op! I’d just start with the casual, “Hi, how are you?” And see how he responds, you could do this a few times before you strike up more of a conversation.
When you catch his eye, smile at him!

I fully understand how nerve wracking this must be for you, you’re taking the first steps into something new, with or without this guy, you’re doing it all for you and trying to move on from the past which is great!

I don't think you sound weird or scary OP.

Sorry... ask him what platform the next train to ... is

I agree with a simple hi, how are you?

don’t over think it. You’d say it to anyone. Then when he says hi back you can continue building little bits of chit chat over the following days

MN is so mean sometimes. What is the use in kicking the op when she’s clearly needing encouragement? I don’t think anything in your op sounded weird fwiw and I can totally imagine myself in this situation. I struggle to make eye contact with people unless they’re actively engaging in conversation with me and it’s even harder when you actually fancy them! In the right mood and circumstances though, I can be outrageously flirty 😏

Could you use a little humour to break the ice? Something like ‘fancy seeing you here’ or ‘we must stop meeting like this’. You can probably think of something that’s more ‘you’. Maybe an emo ‘in joke’?

Putting yourself out there is always nerve wracking since you’re potentially risking rejection but you have to face the fear and do it anyway. Maybe treat it like a friend situation to take the pressure off. Good luck op. Please come back and update us. We’re rooting for you!

@JellybabyToes fully agree - I don’t think that there was anything weird about your post and you can do this! Let us know how you get on.

You don’t sound weird at all !! And nor does he

maybe approach as a friend not a crush ?

sounds like you both have an alt style and he looked out for your DD

two positives !

Ignore comments that you're weird. It's normal to find someone attractive and it's normal to want to speak to them. After all, the world would be full of single people otherwise!

Tbh, I'd start small and simple. All you need to do is make eye contact and smile. A couple of times of doing that and a hello is normal. A few times of that and small talk/pleasantries are normal. Conversations generally just emerge out of that.

It's how everyone gets to know anyone.

You've already spoken so glancing at him as you pass and smiling if he looks at you is completely normal.

You said you’re ‘way over his league’…?

Couldn’t you just say something like ‘thanks for helping me out the other day’? Or was ‘the other day’ weeks ago?

'...and probably loads of women fawn over him.'

Take the whole sentence into consideration, and it's perfectly clear what OP meant 🙄

Why are people being so horrible? You don't sound weird at all, please don't think that you do. I think a simple Hi in the mornings will work, and after a few times it will most likely lead to an actual conversation. Good luck!

You don’t sound at all weird, OP. Some people just come here to make rude remarks, not worth noticing.

I’d take this opportunity to thank him for looking out for DD, and see if this leads to a chat. And I’d get into the habit of saying hello each time you see him. When he’s working, he may not always have time to respond, but it gives him a chance.

Good luck!

I also don't know why people are picking on you but it says a lot about them, so just ignore them. Your post may have had errors in it but anyone that's not stupid could work out what you were trying to say.
Anyway, I agree with others. Just start with a smile and a 'hello' and see where it goes. Good luck!

or if you don’t want to approach him and say hello, maybe a smile and small wave when he glances at you on the platform? I think that says ‘hey I’m approachable if you wanna chat’.

Just smile at him Op. If he smiles back, say hi.

Thank you everyone. I was going to ask MNHQ to delete my opening thread as I was starting to feel embarrassed posting it on here.

I'm going to work up the courage to look at him in the eye and smile at least, and just utter a "hello". I just don't want to embarrass myself if he does not say "hi" back and I look like a fool.