Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me find the courage to say "Hi".

57 replies

walthamalltheway · 04/07/2023 21:21

I'm feeling like a teenager all over again. I'm 29!! Please help me get a grip.

For the first time, in 6 years, I finally fancy someone. I was stuck in an abusive relationship for many years, so my eyes were firmly on ex, so was scared of the opposite sex and did not have any interest in them at all (thought that I could be gay).

Anyway, back to the story, there's a very good looking man who works as a train guard of some sort, he has worked in my local train station for years- so I'm often bumping into him. Thought he was initially gay, no idea why I thought that, so didn't really pay him no mind. Sometimes, I think he glances my way, but I doubt it as I am way over his league and probably loads of women fawn over him. But I do have a peculiar dress sense, more pinkish, so he could be just admiring my style. There was one point I saw him out of work and he was dressed in full head gear black emo style- so figured that the reason why he was glancing at me was just because he liked what I was wearing.

For the first time, I had to ask him a question as my DD left to go to school by herself on the train (she didn't tell me and forgot her phone at home) so I was walking up and down the platform, looking for her like some lunatic. So I saw the train guard (the one I have a crush on)-whether he had seen DD. He told me "Oh! The little girl your always with? Yes, I saw her past. I wanted to tell her to wait for you but I didn't know what to do"... so after that short conversation, we exchanged pleasantries and off I went.

This morning I wanted to have the courage to say "hello" to him but I just couldn't. I looked straight ahead and walked off. I don't know, maybe I am overthinking this, I just want to muster the courage and say "hello". I'm not expecting a date or a relationship. I just want to be confident but also don't want to miss opportunities.

OP posts:
anon2022anon · 05/07/2023 08:58

Nothing wrong with just saying morning as you walk past, I'd say morning back to a random stranger, never mind someone I see most days a week. If that's too much, start with a smile every day.

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 05/07/2023 09:00

alittleadvicepls · 05/07/2023 08:39

or if you don’t want to approach him and say hello, maybe a smile and small wave when he glances at you on the platform? I think that says ‘hey I’m approachable if you wanna chat’.

Well he always stands by the ticket barrier entry- but (as typical me)-I avoid where he is and I use the other ticket barrier.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 05/07/2023 09:06

Well done on moving past your horrible ex OP, you can do this!

Don't overthink it, you have a perfect follow-up opener.

Next time you see him I'd say something like hi, I just wanted to thank you for letting me know about my DD the other day. Then just say see you around at the end.

You will then feel comfortable saying hello and maybe having a little chit chat every time you see him, and take it from there.

Baby steps and good luck!

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 05/07/2023 09:07

WonderfulUsername · 04/07/2023 22:07

I think it's just the pink and black bit that sounds a bit strange maybe?

OP, as a pp says you have the perfect excuse to talk to him. Just thank him again for his help with your DD.

Sorry, that was an error. I meant punk not pink.

OP posts:
dudsville · 05/07/2023 09:10

Morning OP, the only way to get over the fright is to just jump in. Make eye contact, smile, say hi, or good morning, or isn't this weather dreadful. You'll feel better for it!

chrystlha · 05/07/2023 09:28

Maybe someone else is just about to do the same thing, will make the first move before you right in front of you. seize the day.
Good luck!

NBLarsen · 05/07/2023 09:43

The main thing here is not to overthink or over analyse the situation. What if this, what if that, I wonder this, you're going into overdrive when what you need is a simple good morning next time you see him. He has already demonstrated that he notices you and remembers you.

I would say at the moment you are so anxious seeing him that you are giving off a vibe that you don't want to see him - going to another ticket barrier instead of the one he is next to shows you don't want to see him.

Start off going to his ticket barrier, say "hello" or "good morning" as you see him. Always smile at him. Add on "have a nice day". Go a bit earlier so you have time before your train and when the opportunity is there strike up a conversation, even if it's asking him about his job - does he enjoy working here, does he get to travel on the train for free, leading into does he live local perhaps. Build up a friendly rapport. Then be bold and ask him if he fancies going for a drink one day. Life is too short to miss an opportunity for love.

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 05/07/2023 10:00

@NBLarsen

Thank you. I needed that. Your post really resonated with me. I was very young when I began a relationship with my abusive ex and he was horrible throughout my teens. I know I have missed many opportunities to embark on (potentially) positive relationships. There was this one guy who clearly fancied me, as his friend told me, I also fancied him but because I was in a relationship with my ex (who was still abusive back them). I didn't embark on it. I saw that same person a few years later, and I wanted to have a chat with him but I was so anxious, a few months later I realised that he immigrated abroad.

I remember one day when I was 16, I was crying my tears out at the bus stop where I was on my way to school. I was crying because my ex was becoming disinterested in me (I was also pregnant at the time) and he was just horrible to me over the phone "Fat shit, fuck off..". Anywho, a boy, who was a similar age to me, came next to me and said "Why are you crying? You are one of the most prettiest girls I've seen. You shouldn't be crying". He was so lovely. I never saw that person again after that.

But you are right, I need to get over my feet and do it anyway. I'm just going to hold my head high and muster the courage to say "Hi"- I'm going to stop avoiding him. Like I said, I'm not expecting anything, but I just want to go over the first hurdle... myself.

OP posts:
Beachhutnut · 05/07/2023 10:09

Thank him for helping you, smile and be friendly, throw in a compliment and let him know you're single ( if you have a DD he may assume not)

Billysouptin · 05/07/2023 10:19

A smile and a good morning is the thing. It’s a completely free bet. Don’t worry about how it will be received, there isn’t a person in the world who doesn’t like a kind friendly greeting. It will bring a tiny bit of joy for you both. And then go from there. I’m dead excited for you!

dooneyousmugelf · 05/07/2023 10:21

If you don't expect a date or anything then I don't know why you're anxious to say hello. You were confident enough to interact with him, but not to say hello?

Isolationendurance · 05/07/2023 10:22

You are definitely in the saying hello zone now!

tokonami · 05/07/2023 10:31

He might not even be single. I don't think you're scary. Smile and wave if you're too shy for hello.

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 05/07/2023 10:42

dooneyousmugelf · 05/07/2023 10:21

If you don't expect a date or anything then I don't know why you're anxious to say hello. You were confident enough to interact with him, but not to say hello?

Of course I do. But he is way over my league (American expression). He is very good looking and may not even single. But if I go in with the intention that there's nothing more to it, rather picking up the courage to say 'hi', have a friendly chat with someone, then there's nothing to lose?

OP posts:
Superdupes · 05/07/2023 10:54

Why not thank him for his help with your dd and tell him what happened/where she had gone.

fruitbrewhaha · 05/07/2023 10:57

How about you practice saying ‘hi’ to some other people first? People you’re not crushing on so then there’s no pressure. Just say ‘morning’ ‘hello’ etc to anyone you regognise. Pop in a shop and cheerfully say “hello, funny weather we’re having”, at the ticket office “staying dry inside?” Or whatever. You’ll find the vast majority of people will be pleased
to chat back. I was much shyer in my youth but I chat to everyone these days.

crazeekat · 05/07/2023 14:14

drop
ur phone in front of him, see if he picks it up, make a joke,
he's obv noticed u to say ooh the wee girl ur always with, so he's spotted u before.
just have fun.

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 06/07/2023 10:39

Update: This morning, I walked through his barrier and smiled. But he didn't notice as he just looked straight ahead. I then waited behind the barriers to spot DD arriving. I saw him look sideways, I to see who was behind him? Then DD arrived and then he looked at her, then turned his head towards us as we walked away.

Tomorrow, I'm just going to put my big girl pants on and smile and say "Hi!".

OP posts:
alittleadvicepls · 06/07/2023 13:03

Yay! I was waiting for an update. A smile and a hello can go a long way.

Also as a side note, he knows you have a DD so he might assume that you have a partner.

crazeekat · 06/07/2023 22:18

oooh keep
going to his barrier and smiling. u never know where it might lead to.
the romantic in me sees u two married within the year 😁

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 07/07/2023 11:23

Update 2: I blew my chance. Not only that I think it is highly highly likely that he is gay.

This morning, I tried to look towards him to say "hi" but he was looking in another direction. It was only when DD came that he looked at us to each us go.

Then after DD went to school, I was walking up and down the platform trying to look for my friend, I saw the crush and I asked "excuse me, where's platform X?". He just answered the question causally and walked away.

I don't think there's any interest on his side at all. Otherwise, he would have used the opportunity to speak to me- as we were alone on the platform and he looked less busy. I was stupid to think that there may be any slight interest in me. Not only that, the amount of women who flirt with him in the morning is outstanding. I have no chance in hell Grin. I genuinely think he just looks after the well-being of DD and nothing more. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.

OP posts:
dooneyousmugelf · 07/07/2023 12:03

I feel a bit sorry for him if a whole bunch of women flirt with him on the daily. The guy is just trying to do his job. He's at work
It probably is time to stop pacing up and down platforms in the hope of striking up a conversation now. He knows you by sight. If he wants anything he will let you know.

TheoTheopolis23 · 07/07/2023 12:07

I'm presuming you'd checked his ring finger already?

I wouldn't presume he's gay.

I'd be more likely to presume he has a partner.

Most people aren't single past early 20s (?) and above average looks people even less so.

Dotandtime · 07/07/2023 12:09

Wow, he's not attracted to you so he must be gay. Leave the poor man alone. Would it to be OK for a man to be coming on to a woman trying to do her job?

Original poster
walthamalltheway · 07/07/2023 12:51

Dotandtime · 07/07/2023 12:09

Wow, he's not attracted to you so he must be gay. Leave the poor man alone. Would it to be OK for a man to be coming on to a woman trying to do her job?

No! I didn't think that because wasn't attracted to me that he must be gay. I just don't want to put my reasons on here.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread