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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Online dating

15 replies

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 16:45

First Post ~ been online dating nearly a yr & it's been awful! Just recently wasted 2 months chatting to a guy & never met however started chatting to new guy 2 weeks ago, both in 40s, he didn't mess about we met for a drink in a week, then met 3 days later had a takeaway at mine & slept together. Seems like we're just going with the flow really so do I ask him if he wants to meet again or what? We're still chatting but he's not mentioned it , if it was a one off I'd just like to know instead of wasting my time chatting you know???

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2023 16:55

Yeah always a mistake to chat for more than a week or two without meeting. Lots of time wasters online just looking for an ego boost.

Also, whats the point getting close to someone before you even meet them? You might not even fancy them in person

As for new guy...ask him out again to something? Like OUT not in. If he invites himself over to your house again then you'll know he just wants to shag.

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2023 16:57

And when out, ask him what he is looking for. If he umms and errs or says says doesn't know know he wants right now...he isn't that into you. And he doesn't want a relationship.

May be open to shagging on occasion of course. If that's what you want. But he could still be a knob, so, beware.

guineacup · 01/07/2023 17:00

How long ago did you meet up and have sex with him? Is this last night, or longer.
If you want to meet up again, just ask him. I'm not sure what the issue is?

guineacup · 01/07/2023 17:03

Also, were you chatting to a guy exclusively for two months? If so, my advice is don't focus on a single person until you have had a couple of dates at least.

Original poster

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 17:04

We met up on Tuesday, didn't stay over as kid was coming back from sisters.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 17:07

No wasn't chatting exclusively to other guy for 2 months. I'm chatting to another guy but not going to be hooking up with every guy I chat to, I'd just like to find out if this 1 was a one off then I'll move on .

OP posts:

guineacup · 01/07/2023 17:08

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 17:04

We met up on Tuesday, didn't stay over as kid was coming back from sisters.

Ok, if you were wanting to meet up again, that's a while to leave it.

It's simple really. If you want to meet up again, just ask him. He may be thinking you're not interested because you're just chatting online like him!

guineacup · 01/07/2023 17:09

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 17:07

Yes, if you've met twice and had sex then I'd want to know if that has potential before dating other guys.

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2023 17:11

Thats another thing to consider then - how does he feel about dating someone who has kids? I'd be sure to ask him that if he says he'd like to see where things go with you.

Seriously, don't worry about being blunt. You've slept with him already so no need to tiptoe around things. He might just say he's only looking for casual. Or he might not. Or he might not even agree to meet again in which case that's that.

But ASK. Don't wait about waiting for someone to volunteer information as to where you stand with them. Ask him out again, if he says yes, ask him what he wants whilst on that date. And listen to his answer. And if it's wishy washy or not what you want, call it a day.

Hopefully he will say he enjoys your company and would like to keep dating you and see where it goes :) if not, plenty more fish in the sea.

Original poster

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 17:17

Thank you! My kids a teenager he also has 2 teenagers staying with their mum sees them regularly.
I'm going to ask him tonight if he wants to meet again, just thought he'd have asked considering he never messed about wanting to meet the 1st time. May as well get it over with haha

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 19:17

So I've messaged keeping it lighthearted & he's replied yeah & threw in a funny comment. Will keep it casual for now it's still early days before asking what we are etc just going to let whatever happens happen. Some of the other guys I've met have had the cheek to say they didn't want to text unless arranging to meet so at least this 1s consistent. Dating nowadays eh!! Brutal!

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2023 19:20

Lol tbf I've been just like those guys. I don't enjoy text conversations so once I've met them I usually tell them I don't want to chat much via text. Usually preface it with 'just so you don't think I'm being off with you. I just prefer talking in person' though.

Original poster

LadyShasha · 01/07/2023 19:30

Haha totally understandable but he lives an hour away & with kids & work it's good having some banter & flirting nothing serious. Had 1 guy just message saying you home?for us to meet up ffs 🤣

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2023 19:36

Eeeee.

Yeah nice to have a chat distraction sometimes.

samestyle · 01/07/2023 19:56

If you want something casual fine but if you want to build a relationship, sleeping over at date two before any exclusive chat, is just setting it to be just about sex, they don't have to work at going on dates or worry if you'll mind they are still seeing others. Always mention what you are looking for and don't expect them to be honest until you know them better.

Yes a lot don't want to communicate inbetween dates so at least you have that.

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