What, in your experience, were the earliest red flags for narcissistic behaviours from a man

[ithinkyoureright]

Just that really?
My current boyfriend has been told by his ex, who is angry with him for finishing their relationship after months of discontent, that he is a narcissist.
He had told her that it was his worst fear as he thinks they're the worst type of people. I don't think I know any narcissists , which is why I'm asking.
Thanks.

He is telling you all of this and you don't know if it is true. I don't even know why you are posting. You do know a narc but you haven't realised it yet.

Why would
You say that? When
You do not even know him !!!!
Not that I do either but you have diagnosed him a narc based on what I have said ??
Projecting?

You did rather raise the topic of narcissism.

Op with all due respect, you're on here asking how to spot if your partner is a narcissist.
You wouldn't be on here asking if you didn't have suspicions of your own already. THAT is a red flag in itself.

So why are you attacking people trying to help you?

'You don't even know him!' Sound like the sort of thing we'd say to our mothers as love struck teenagers when they were warning us against the new boyfriend who is an obvious wrong'un but we just don't want to see it because we are smitten.

Narcissist often inspire a great deal of misplaced loyalty. They make you feel its you and them against the world. And before you know it, you're conditioned to think the world is out to destroy your relationship too.

You're right, we don't know your partner. But we're trying to help you. There are plenty of people here who know these sort well and can spot potential red flags of them from what you are telling us.

But the biggest red flag is that you yourself suspect something. Or you wouldn't be on here asking about narcissism in new relationships.

This 100%

OP, it was worth you posting as you now know some of the things to be wary of.

Take care, keep your eyes & ears open (as you would in any relationship).
If this guy is perfect then great no damage done by posting.
But remember it can take quite a long time to really get to know a person & someone with these traits is usually pretty slick & practised at it. It takes time to 'see' what is happening & by then you are usually fairly entangled. You can unentangle yourself of course but it's time & a lot of energy wasted.
If it doesnt work out with this man then you know what to avoid next time.

In terms of NPD and numbers, is it not a well known phenomenon that they do not seek therapy nor do they tend to acknowledge there is anything 'wrong' with them

Re how to spot one. I remember a Richard Grannon video, something like '20 signs of narcissism ' and the first one was 'you're searching the Internet for signs of narcissism'

Whether they are or aren't diagnosably NPD is largely irrelevant in the end. They likely never will be dx and you can't change them anyway. What matters is that something feels off and only gets worse. Red flags happen in your gut. It doesn't matter if the Internet lists it as a red flag in bullet point form. Or if person B would be fine with a behaviour. If you feel uncertain, unsafe, undecided, 'off', that's (to me) the basis for whether to trust. And it doesn't matter if they're npd or not

@supercali77 my stbxh is seeking therapy. Not for narcissism though.

He's a violent thug who is trying attribute his awful abuse to ADHD and a nervous breakdown so that he doesn't look shit in the divorce and an attempt to deflect conviction when prosecuted for assault.

@BlastedPimples yeah I get it, I meant more - seek therapy genuinely with any hope of being diagnosed for the real condition. Therapy becomes another form of denial/victim complex/excuse. When we were together I made going to anger management as a condition of my ex staying in the house, within 2 sessions he came back claiming that everyone gets angry and my passive aggressive washing of dishes was just as bad as his kicking doors in/physically threatening behaviour. Everything becomes 'not my fault'. And therapy is just another weapon

@supercali77 it's just such headfuckery trying to navigate with these people.

My stbx found my copy of Why Does He Do That? and accused me of trying to frame him as an abuser when only three weeks earlier he had floored me and twisted my head until I started to see blackness descending over my eyes.

And he read the book and sneered at it as bullshit and he was nothing like that. A proper piece of shit that one. Luckily he's away living with his new gf now, claiming he's a victim of my abuse. 🙄 Can't wait for the prosecution.

@BlastedPimples Ah yes, the classic reverse psychology. 'You're the abuser'. Mine did the same, claimed I was financially abusing him because I refused to keep financially supporting him and his bullshit 'business'. The reality is he owes me 40,000 that i'll never see again. He's done the same grifting with his mother, his sister. Keeping it in the family...where law tends not to go, where it's easy to extort and exploit. They are pieces of work.

I actually reckon the very easiest way to spot one is just to say a simple 'no'...to something. See what the reaction is. Because 'no', in my experience, is a grievous offence for someone like that.