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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

She wanted to show everyone how much weight I gained.

56 replies

Toobusybee · 01/07/2023 07:01

I recently connected with an old friend, we kept in touch on social media but hadn’t seen each other in around 4 years. In that time I’ve had a baby and went on anti depressants that caused a lot of weight gain. I am overweight right now and feel so uncomfortable. I’m probably around 2-3 stone heavier than she last saw me.

She kind of gestured when I saw her that I gained weight, something like wow you’re curvy, I laughed it off and mentioned the medication I was on. We had a really nice time and she messaged to say her friends wanted to come along to our next meeting which I thought was a bit strange as they are more really her friends we arranged it but then could not make the date we agreed on.

Last night I was out for dinner with a mutual friend she said I am glad you didn’t meet up with them as friend number 1 said everyone needs to see how different I am with weight on.

I feel really sad and like a freak show, i’m now off the medication and I hate seeing myself look like this. I don’t even want to confront my friend, I feel like i’m back at school with the mean girls

OP posts:

Chocolateship · 01/07/2023 07:02

You don't need people like her in your life, she sounds incredibly pathetic.

Stickmansmum · 01/07/2023 07:02

She’s a horrible human. That’s on her, nothing to do with you so don’t let her make you feel bad.

SilkySuky · 01/07/2023 07:04

What an absolutely horrible woman she is, block her. You don't need people like that in your life.
You can lose the weight if you want to, it's much harder for her to change her awful personality.

strawberry2017 · 01/07/2023 07:43

Sounds like she's still in school with rehab behaviour. What an absolute bitch.

strawberry2017 · 01/07/2023 07:44

Sorry no clue how that turned in to rehab 😂

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2023 07:55

She’s a nasty bitch. One of those utterly shallow types that thinks who you are as a person is everything to do with your outside presentation and how you look. Which, obviously, is total bullshit. Delete. Block. Ignore. Don’t let one shallow dumbass affect how you think about yourself, she’s not worth it.

boobot1 · 01/07/2023 08:00

She sounds very sad and insecure

HuckingFellHire · 01/07/2023 08:03

What a cunt

honeynutcornfllakes · 01/07/2023 08:09

Block her number, and block and remove her from any social media you have.

She is a nasty bitch and you don't need that in your life.

Guaranteed she is stalking you online looking at photos if you have any profiles, she will get a shock next time she tries to look if she can't see!

Surround yourself with kind people and don't give her another second of your time

DrSbaitso · 01/07/2023 08:11

I bet you were absolutely stunning back then, she was jealous and insecure and now she wants to gloat that you've gained a bit.

And if I'm right and you were stunning before, two or three stone isn't going to make much difference. You're just a stunner with a different dress size. But jealous and insecure people will latch on to the one thing, which is the least important thing about you.

knitpicker · 01/07/2023 08:14

A word of caution- how much do you trust the friend who told you that? Is there a chance that she is the toxic one putting words in the mouth of the other? I know a woman who wouldn’t hesitate to use an opportunity like that to put a wedge between friends. Sad but true

toomanyleggings · 01/07/2023 08:15

Seriously who needs brainless shallow people like this? Just block and move on. More fool anyone who wants to be friends with her

Missingmyusername · 01/07/2023 08:16

HuckingFellHire · 01/07/2023 08:03

What a cunt

This right here

Shes also shallow, pathetic and jealous- because no one acts like that without a reason.

If you want to lose weight, if you feel you would look better and feel better, then if you can use this situation to your advantage! I’d be so angry I’d be taken the anger out at the gym or pavement!😂 Seriously - this friend is awful!

Harryyourenogoodalone · 01/07/2023 08:19

What a cow. She's jealous of you. She obviously knows you were beautiful back then and I bet you still are.
People think people like you (who they envy) are fair game for some reason.
Dump her.

VashtaNerada · 01/07/2023 08:21

This isn’t normal. I’ve met up with friends after a few years who look a bit older or heavier and I keep that the fuck to myself. Not normal to tell others about it and invite them to come and see! She sounds completely unhinged.

Chartreuse45 · 01/07/2023 08:27

@knitpicker I think you are being too generous. Circumstantial evidence of the woman (i dont feel she's a friend) motioning as to how "curvy" she'd become teamed with a meet up with people the op doesn't know well gives me reason to think that it was exactly that. If it quacks etc. Pure poison I'm afraid. I'd agree with posters saying she felt inferior and now wants everyone to see that you are heavier. If they came along with the same idea then her friends are just as bad.

TheoTheopolis23 · 01/07/2023 08:31

She's not a friend.

She's a shallow bitch and nasty and stupid.

I don't know why you're letting it make you feel bad ...she's just a shit person and would be like that to anyone about whatever. It's nothing to do with you.

If you'd like to lose weight for yourself, what can you do to get some exercise in? How many calories are you eating a day and how can you reduce them if you're eating too many for a woman? Youv e stopped the meds but I'd be careful about that if they were helping you.

TheoTheopolis23 · 01/07/2023 08:35

Also personally I find women who fixate on weight (their own and other people's) and go on a kit it all the time so incredibly boring and shallow and one dimensional and irritating. I've had it everywhere I go - work, general socialising, school Mums etc. Ive met women who don't (the minority unfortunately) or if they do, they talk about it minimally and it's just themselves. I enjoy hanging out with them so much compared to the boring as fuck weight and diet and weight watchers and weight loss meals and gym discussions. Try to meet less shallow, boring people.

I think the woman who told you about her is potentially a v good friend btw.

TheoTheopolis23 · 01/07/2023 08:43

VashtaNerada · 01/07/2023 08:21

Yes. If you're a decent human being, you are focused on the person, how they are, reaffirming a bond etc.

I have an acquaintance who's possibly on the spectrum, also very competitive, she can also be a bit of a bitch. She has good qualities and that's why I try to keep in contact. I arranged to meet up with her and another girl when back in our home country... Hadn't seen her in 4/5 years. I found her noticeably different/aged facially but of course I would never have said a word about it, on any platform. I could see her taking in my face etc and no doubt I looked older too - it was nearly 5 years since we'd met and it's the time you start to age more noticeably (40s).

She had to send me a message later randomly asking what age I was now .... I rolled my eyes when I saw it; just thought, you shallow, tactless idiot. (I also know what age she is because I actually pay attention to basic facts about people and retain them, she does not,because she's so self absorbed etc.)

Some people are good friends, many are not.

Meeting · 01/07/2023 08:44

You should have left there and then, personally I'd send her a message letting her know that she's a nasty bitch.

TheoTheopolis23 · 01/07/2023 08:45

Meeting · 01/07/2023 08:44

You should have left there and then, personally I'd send her a message letting her know that she's a nasty bitch.

I wouldn't send a message like that - she'll spin it.

Just put her at the end of a very long arm

Crimeismymiddlename · 01/07/2023 08:47

Oh wow. Luckily you won’t need to see her again. How nasty. There is something so incredibly juvenile and awful about people who feel the need to talk about others appearance. It’s really embarrassing when grown adults pick all art someone’s appearance like they are in year 9.
I have put on a lot of weight, so much it takes me by surprise sometimes and honestly people don’t really comment or if they are good friends or family they do, but it’s due to worry over health. Not because they are so shallow they need me to make them feel better valour themselves.
The nice thing about being a bit fat is you can lose weight but a terrible personality stays forever!

lastminutewednesday · 01/07/2023 08:55

She's an incredibly nasty bastard. Avoid.

ChaToilLeam · 01/07/2023 08:59

That is horrible, and bloody weird as well. I wouldn’t usually ditch someone based on hearsay but it was already odd for her to try and arrange a meet up with you and her friends whom you don’t know.

No drama needed - she’ll only make something of it - just have nothing more to do with her. You’re wise to her catty little games.

Original poster

Toobusybee · 01/07/2023 09:06

Thank you so much for your kind messages it means a lot.
I suppose i’m more hurt because its my biggest insecurity right now. I really wish it didn’t affect me in this way. I am feeling so much better mentally which is why i’ve come off the antidepressants.

I’m working to get the weight off but i’m not being the strictest. I suppose none of that matters really, i’m hurt because we have been friends for a really long time, supported each other through hard times. To be so bitchy and childish I’m disappointed

OP posts:

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