I hate DH's hair!

[Triffid1]

I am late 40s, peri menopausal, self employed, with two pre-teen kids so I admit that sex isn't exactly high on my list at the best of times.

DH is an attractive man, very fit, dresses well etc. He went grey very early but looks good with it .

Currently, he's letting his hair get long. It's in excellent condition, has a bit of nice curl/wave to it and he keeps it clean, neat etc. I 100% believe he has every right to have his hair however he likes it. But I am (irrationally) completely repulsed by it. I really really hate it and it is turning me off him completely. I am literally fantasising about him getting it cut short - I think I'd haul him straight into the bedroom for a full on session if he did.

What do I do? I can't tell him I hate it. I can't ask him to cut it. How do I get over the "ick"?

[for the record, I've never liked long hair on men and in fact the only man with long hair I've ever so much as snogged was lovely, gorgeous, brilliant in bed... but I just couldn't get into it and after the world's shortest fling while we were all away, I had to end it.
And amusingly, I was taking a mental catalogue of friends etc recently and realised I have just one friend with properly long hair. Most have short hair or shortish hair. And thinking about it, I can honestly say that mums on school run with long hair are ones I actively avoid. I clearly have issues!]

An Alice band you say OP? With long grey hair?

Dear me.

Ai Floyd

But which ones are generally the first to start whining in disbelief that their wives seem to go off DTD with them as they're sat there, farting, scratching their balls doing their best Jim Royale impression???

Sorry OP, serious turn taken 😅

Judging by some of things I read on this forum recently, I’m going to guess it’s women ?, complaining that their husbands don’t want to DTD with them anymore while doing their best Nora Batty impression???

whenever my partner grows his hair long I always tell him how much I hate it. Makes his forehead look massive. I also tell him his head looks huge when he grows his beard too long 🤷🏼‍♀️ honesty is the best policy right? 😂

Hmm I love long hair on a man!! I am however slightly turned off by facial hair. I guess you can tell him bud ultimately it’s his choice and if he likes it in his new style you’ll just have to get over it.

Avoiding women with long hair is also a bit weird and you possibly do have issues. I’ve friends with so many different hair styles I couldn’t actively avoid anyone with a specific length. My best friend recently with from goth bum length hair to having it cropped into a pixie cut so she could grow out the grey. I think she’s currently growing it back longer though. She’s late 40s. I’m mid 40s with longish hair - it got bum length during lockdown but I struggle with it that long so keep it below shoulder length. But you couldn’t compare to to the next person you met with hair the same length - we would be totally different. My DM is of the opinion women should have short hair from their late 30s onwards but I’ll keep mine long as long as I can. Sadly my cousin who always had long hair has just had to shave it off due to losing it through chemo. Definitely don’t judge people on their hair length.

Long grey hair with an Alice band isn't a great look really, it's hard to think of anyone who could rock that. I'd tell him to bin the Alice band first, see how he takes it? you could then throw in that you don't like long hair.

Each to their own. Personally I love long hair. I love what it (usually) says about a person, that they’re laidback and carefree, a bit different and they’re not bothered what other people think of them.

im not fussed how my husband hair looks as long as he’s a good person, that does it for me.
why Would you avoid women with long hair? That’s strange

My now ex grew a beard. I hated it (for various reasons which are irrelevant). It made me shudder just to look at it. Couldn’t bear the feel of it at all. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, I genuinely tried to get past it and couldn’t. In the end he had an affair. He said it was because he felt I was no longer attracted to him. We had a long talk, and I explained how his beard made me feel. He cried and asked why o hadn’t told him.
We’re divorced now, and it wasn’t the only reason, but sometimes I wonder “what if”
If you’re “getting the ick” then what have you go to lose by telling him how you feel? Because if you don’t sort it out, then it’ll be the beginning of the end. You can be honest without being nasty.

Are you married to Bill Bailey? Such a nice man, but his hair is ick!

Why can’t you tell him you don’t like it your entitled to an opinion doesn’t mean your controlling what he does with his hair. I mean your married and your worried about telling him you don’t like his hair long…. My partner grew his hair out I told him I didn’t like it long

this

I wouldn't tell him I hate long hair but you mention [deep throaty voice on] how much you want to jump his bones when you see his short hair

Works every time chez nous

you're all for "my body my choice" until its you talking about someone else's body

This really isn't it.

The posts I have read, and quoted, are not suggesting his choice be removed, rather that he is made aware of the consequences of his choice.

Then he can make select the consequences that suit him. Simples.

No, because it's a valid point.
One poster recently referred to all men as 'desperate to shag anything given the chance'.
Can you imagine the kick off if a man said that about all women? Do you think it's acceptable?

Just tell him!

If he loves it and it's enjoying the wave of nostalgia it involves I think you should leave him to it and not pour cold water on it.

Lose some chewing gum in it one night.

My DH has short hair, and a very light goatee. He has grown a full beard in the past and it has repulsed me so much that I wouldn't kiss him, or have sex. After about 3 months of no sex, he couldn't stand it any longer, and shaved it off.

Long/long-ish hair wouldn't bother me, but you have a right to be repulsed @Triffid1 You MUST tell him.

No! Certainly don't pour cold water on it. Imagine it all limp and soggy!

People can't help what they get the ick about though. It's not like she's doing it on purpose or doesn't love him - she just finds it very unattractive and she can't control that!

Tell him but in a way that is not criticism, like when will you cut it again because you find it really sexy shorter.....

So many things sorted out if you just talk to each other!

It's not all men but there are stereotypes that a large percentage live up to and to pretend otherwise is disingenous.

Have you ever seen the shit that gets posted about women on mens forums? 😳

I would only say something if I was willing to hear it about myself

I wouldn't necessarily call it hypocrisy. It might not be the same posters who say that things are ok for women and not ok for men. So a group of people aren't hypocrites because a different group have a different opinion.

The example about pubic hair tends to provoke a visceral reaction, and many who think men are gross for having that preference also direct a lot of nasty comments at the women who remove it too. They often just don't like removal of pubic hair in general, whether the man or the woman is the one who prefers it.

Personally I like to remove mine, but for women who don't want to then their partner asking them to remove it can be quite a big ask, and it's not just a one off, it requires a lot of maintenance, some women have very sensitive skin or get ingrown hairs etc. so it's a 'preference' that can be stressful/painful and require a lot of ongoing maintenance.

Also the weight gain ones provoke a visceral reaction, often because the weight gain came from having babies, and then the body changes etc. some women experience so it can be a very sensitive, emotive topic.

It's also something that is not easily changed, and the person often has tried many times to lose weight, they often already don't like their body and have a lack of confidence so it's a major kick when they're down if a partner says anything or they feel like their partner is not attracted to them because of it.

But for things like hair etc. there has been plenty of threads on here over the years from women whose husbands/partners have expressed a preference or said they find a hairstyle unattractive and they're asking AIBU to not give a shit? and while some will make out the men are controlling, many posters say the OP is indeed being unreasonable because she should want her partner to be attracted to her and that it's odd not to care if he isn't.

I wish DH would get his hair cut. I really hate it. Glad I found this thread as I was about to start my own!!

He has been growing it out for about 18 months or possibly longer. He has a beard too🥴😫

I just can't stand it. OP I get it. I just said that I don't like him with long hair, he said he does🤷🏻 what can you say to that?