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Original poster

I hate DH's hair!

100 replies

Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 14:06

I am late 40s, peri menopausal, self employed, with two pre-teen kids so I admit that sex isn't exactly high on my list at the best of times.

DH is an attractive man, very fit, dresses well etc. He went grey very early but looks good with it .

Currently, he's letting his hair get long. It's in excellent condition, has a bit of nice curl/wave to it and he keeps it clean, neat etc. I 100% believe he has every right to have his hair however he likes it. But I am (irrationally) completely repulsed by it. I really really hate it and it is turning me off him completely. I am literally fantasising about him getting it cut short - I think I'd haul him straight into the bedroom for a full on session if he did.

What do I do? I can't tell him I hate it. I can't ask him to cut it. How do I get over the "ick"?

[for the record, I've never liked long hair on men and in fact the only man with long hair I've ever so much as snogged was lovely, gorgeous, brilliant in bed... but I just couldn't get into it and after the world's shortest fling while we were all away, I had to end it.
And amusingly, I was taking a mental catalogue of friends etc recently and realised I have just one friend with properly long hair. Most have short hair or shortish hair. And thinking about it, I can honestly say that mums on school run with long hair are ones I actively avoid. I clearly have issues!]

OP posts:
Backstreets · 26/06/2023 15:28

DH sounds gorgeous honestly

HoistWithHisOwnPetard · 26/06/2023 15:33

yeah, I also do not like long hair on men, its so unattractive, DH had curly longish hair when we met, not something I really liked, he is bald and shaven now, thank god! 😂

so many men look better with short hair eg:

The film Hanna, at the beginning Eric Bana with long hair, just nope, in no way good looking, but then he has it cut very short and wow, hubba hubba what a difference😁

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 16:09

just imagine if a man wrote here about a woman giving him an ick because of her hair....

OP get a grip...

TheMurderousGoose · 26/06/2023 16:10

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 16:09

just imagine if a man wrote here about a woman giving him an ick because of her hair....

OP get a grip...

on every thread I'm on there's a stream of 'imagine a man posted this..'

maaaaaaaake it stop.

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 16:14

TheMurderousGoose · 26/06/2023 16:10

on every thread I'm on there's a stream of 'imagine a man posted this..'

maaaaaaaake it stop.

Show quote history

no, because it is a raging hypocrisy. I've seen a thread where women got mad that some people prefer shaved private parts - a purely hypothetical conversation

or another one where woman assume her partner didnt fancy her because she gained weight (while admitting he never said such thing) and told her she looked better with blonde hair - pages of abuse thrown at the guy followed

you're all for "my body my choice" until its you talking about someone else's body

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/06/2023 16:14

I'm the same with dh's beard, I loathe it and it's his pride and joy. I don't want it off just needs to be not channelling Willie Nelson 🤢

Pinkhairedlaydee · 26/06/2023 16:16

StellaLaBella · 26/06/2023 14:41

Use your words OP

Do you think OP is a toddler? 'Use your words'....was that the best advice you could think up?

TheMurderousGoose · 26/06/2023 16:19

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 16:14

no, because it is a raging hypocrisy. I've seen a thread where women got mad that some people prefer shaved private parts - a purely hypothetical conversation

or another one where woman assume her partner didnt fancy her because she gained weight (while admitting he never said such thing) and told her she looked better with blonde hair - pages of abuse thrown at the guy followed

you're all for "my body my choice" until its you talking about someone else's body

Show quote history

I've already said that I'm more than happy for my partner to express an opinion on my appearance as long as it's said nicely. I can choose whether to say 'okay then' or 'too bad, fella'.

All the hand wringing on every thread with the 'what if a man said this'. So very boring. Men don't always need to be centred in every situation.

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 16:21

its not about centring men - its about how awful it is for one partner to be moaning about "getting an ick" because the other partner is growing out their hair

and what would that solve if she told him and he refused to cut his hair? she's still have her ick and now he would know she has it

lifeissweet · 26/06/2023 16:25

I'm baffled a bit by none of your friends having long hair. That can't have been a conscious choice by you, can it? I mean, really?! You don't need to find your friends attractive.

Original poster
Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 16:40

@lifeissweet I'm a bit baffled too. I had never realised it until I started thinking about it in the context of DS' ick factor with his hair! But yes, my friends all have short, or shortish hair. Probably not true when I was younger, but it is now and I can honestly say that when I meet women on the playground with very long hair, I realise now I often seem to have an instinctive, yet irrational, non-liking. It really is weird.

At the end of the day, my response to his long hair is far more visceral than "I prefer the blue shirt darling" but I think I need to act like I would in a blue shirt vs green shirt situation. I can state my preference. But I'm not going to tell him I have the ick because that is totally shallow and will just make it worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 16:42

DH's ick factor. There is no ick factor with DS. Although I guess I better hope he doesn't try to grow it when he's older! I might irrationally not want to be out in public with him! Grin

OP posts:
Nomoredamnmats · 26/06/2023 16:46

I’m imagining Trent Crimm from Ted Lasso…

Nannyfannybanny · 26/06/2023 16:47

How long is long? "Getting an Ick", seriously, feeling nauseous and sickened,2 year olds feel this way about vegetables! I prefer my DH hair about an inch long,he likes it really short in summer. I've had just about every colour and length since we've been together. If I comment.on his hair,he would be completely entitled to complain about mine,works both ways.

lifeissweet · 26/06/2023 16:50

It's so awkward because it is really affecting you - and will affect him too when you're a bit off with him for no reason. It's something he could fix in 5 minutes.

This is not a preference for you. It doesn't seem that you prefer it short. It's that it's actively repulsive to you long - and it's fixable.

Has he talked about why he's growing it? What look is he going for? How long does he want it to be in the end?

Tricky.

Original poster
Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 16:53

Nomoredamnmats · 26/06/2023 16:46

I’m imagining Trent Crimm from Ted Lasso…

Not entirely dissimilar... except DH's hair is objectively much much nicer!

OP posts:
Original poster
Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 16:53

He wears an Alice band sometimes. You know - the sort of thing footballers wear except somehow it looks more like the kind of Alice band DD would wear!

OP posts:
lifeissweet · 26/06/2023 16:58

Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 16:53

He wears an Alice band sometimes. You know - the sort of thing footballers wear except somehow it looks more like the kind of Alice band DD would wear!

I like long hair on men, but this has given me the ick.

TheMurderousGoose · 26/06/2023 17:02

Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 16:53

He wears an Alice band sometimes. You know - the sort of thing footballers wear except somehow it looks more like the kind of Alice band DD would wear!

an alice band.

that's quite the look...

AutumnCrow · 26/06/2023 17:03

TheMurderousGoose · 26/06/2023 16:10

on every thread I'm on there's a stream of 'imagine a man posted this..'

maaaaaaaake it stop.

Show quote history

And from the same resident contrarians. Tedious.

Original poster
Triffid1 · 26/06/2023 17:03

I am not sure whether to be happy people get it, or sad that this level of ick is a thing!

On plus side, this thread has taken a lighter turn and I'm feeling better for it.

OP posts:
guineacup · 26/06/2023 17:09

@Triffid1

If he told me that he found something very unattractive about me, I'd be devastated. I just don't feel I can do that.

But it's not like saying: "I don't like your teeth and think your face is ugly"... he can get his hair cut very easily, very quickly.

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 17:10

maybe compromise and ask him if he'd consider leaving the headbands to the kids :P

guineacup · 26/06/2023 17:11

PaintedEgg · 26/06/2023 16:21

its not about centring men - its about how awful it is for one partner to be moaning about "getting an ick" because the other partner is growing out their hair

and what would that solve if she told him and he refused to cut his hair? she's still have her ick and now he would know she has it

But that would be his choice to continue! It's no wonder so many relationships fail when people can't manage the most basic communication!

BreviloquentBastard · 26/06/2023 17:19

Ha, want to swap? My husband just cut off his gorgeous long wavy blonde hair and I'm devastated, he's gone military short and it hurts my soul. He's said he'll grow it out again when it stops being so hot and humid. Roll on a bitter winter so I can have my scruffy viking back and get rid of Captain America.

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