What's stopping you from making amends with a friend/family member?

[justanothermanicmonday1]

Just that really.

I had a big falling out with a friend of 30 years and we recently had lunch and oh how I wish I reached out sooner. We've both been through so much and missed so much of each others lives and both regret it massively

Have you had a big falling out with someone or over the years and wish you could go back in time and handle things differently?

If so, what's stopping you from reaching out?

Do you ever see yourself making amends with this person?

If you believe a friendship is worth saving, but your pride is getting in the way, please please just go for it.

My brother and I had a massive falling out 10 years ago. It was too long ago to remember who was really to blame. I reached out to him a couple of years later to make sure we celebrated our df’s significant birthday together. He seemed happy with that and all went well. That was fortunate as my dm was diagnosed with cancer soon after and died shortly afterwards. After that he knocked back every invitation or suggestion and then covid/lockdown happened. We’ve had some upsetting family times and some things to be celebrated but we never hear from him. What pisses me off is it we post anything on social media he will pop up to say congratulations or well done. He then looks like a lovely uncle when he actually hasn’t seen the kids for years.
Sorry for the rant. No point in reaching out to someone who doesn’t care.

My sister. We didn’t fall out. Our relationship was collateral damage when my parents verbally abused me for the final time. I went NC with my parents for my mental health because I couldn’t take being their scapegoat a minute longer. My sister (the golden child) then told me I was dead to her and she went NC with me. I would love my sister back, but reaching out to her would just lead to even more heartache for me.

I am not in contact with my parents. My father said that I was dead to him, and then that I was every other name under the sun and many other sentiments I wouldn't repeat. This was triggered by a complicated set of events , including a bereavement. I am the stereotypical scapegoat historically.

Do I miss my parents. Yes, at times I do. Am I strong enough for any further verbal abuse and / or an emotional attack that could result from being in touch. No, not at all. I can't even answer phonecalls from unknown callers without feeling dread and panic .

I don't see a way forward or way back from it at the moment. It is a constant sadness .

My mum has tried to reach out a few times via my younger sister, one through my auntie and contacted me on social media once.

All times the focus were on my children. Messages were along the line of, ‘I’m sorry that I punched you in your head, I miss my grandbabies please can I see them?’ Like the entitlement is actually shocking. She could care less about what she did. All she cares about is not seeing my kids.

I really did consider going to the police and pressing charges. I thought about it daily for nearly 3/4 weeks. The only thing that stopped me is that my younger sister was also there when it happened. I didn’t want her to have to choose between me or my mum when speaking with the police. I didn’t want her involved at all but she would have been a key witness so I’m sure they would have spoken to her.

I dropped it in the end and radio silence means more to me then getting the police involved

My sister is currently not speaking to me over my uncle's will..He has left me his house. But I took him into my home and looked after him for 5 years . She refused to help and when she did , I paid her . I did try to warn her not to expect anything as uncle could be capricious. I wish I was in a position to share but I am alone and need it She will get some money. Plus it is in the will what he wanted. I don't feel that I deserve this as I did nothing to her.

It would be quite easy to make amends with friends/ family if only they could accept that they were wrong.
😉😁😁

My DS still has ASD/ADHD and as long as I live my father will never be near him again after the way he treated him last time. He might not ‘believe’ in his conditions and blame me for bad parenting and DS for ‘being nothing more than a little shit who needs a snack’ but, last time I checked, you can’t beat the disability out of someone. Nor can you shame, belittle or humiliate it away either.

He’s verbally and emotionally abused and controlled me for 35 years and I accepted it as that’s what I’m worth. He only got one chance to attempt to do it to my children and I’ll defend them without question. He turfed us out at 7.30 the next morning with two small children.

I’ll never see or speak to him again. I’m not angry or sad, I truly feel nothing towards him.

The entitlement is unreal.

Money brings out an ugly side to people.

It’s happened with three friends - pretty close, lots of fun times, equal relationship, then I feel they have sought to take advantage of me when I hit a low point in my life, supporting me through it to a degree but somehow enjoying seeing me struggle, and lording it over me. So I stepped completely back. Ever since, if I think ‘maybe I should reach out’, I have a strong reaction: ‘ugh’. Just that. So I don’t. There’s no going back.

It's different with family. My DB is a pathetic POS. I’ve calmly told him exactly what I think of him on two occasions. He’s heard me and apologised. It doesn’t change what I think of him and it’ll never be enough, but I can’t cut him off completely. When I think of him, I have a strong reaction: ‘ugh’. And then ‘he’s my brother’. So we limp on.

Fell out with family- not going back to them because honestly we weren't close before hand (mum mainly used everybody for childcare growing up & boy did they make us pay for it in neglect/half arsed efforts 🤣)

Now im 'at fault' & grown up I think the power play would be too much of a burden 🤔 almost groveling like when they had years of reasonably neutral behavour they benefitted from at the time

An ex friend. Because I know she just wants to come back into my life and compare herself to me . Because she will cause trouble for me . Because she will paint me as a villain and herself a victim to others and they will believe her .

i fell out badly with my lifelong best friend for 8 years. i loved her so much and it honestly felt like a death we were so intwinned together. fast forward 8 years. we get talking again, meet up, talked over what happened and were now good friends again. not to the degree we were at but in hindsight that's good, our lives are in different directions just now, but it was like a black cloud hanging over me all those years not having her. she feels the same. will never be the way we were but it's still good, and i'm happy i have her back. and btw other friends are not so happy that took sides and spoke shit while we were not talking.

Because I know that it will just begin the same old cycle again.
Good times, good times with a fe w worrying events, worrying events and poor behaviour interspersed with a few good times, then nothing but abusive behaviour and worry full stop. And there we are again.
I'm not for that merry go round again. 40 years of it was enough.

I've had various groups of friends where we've fallen out because I don't tolerate nastiness and bitchiness. Recently cut a group off because they decided to go their own way and stop inviting me. I won't back down to horrible nasty behaviour like that

I really want to know why I'm excluded from the family as I can't think of anything I've ever done to any of them. In fact, they come up to visit our hometown where they're all from and I still live, but none of them would ever think of visiting me. The only reason I know they're here is if I see them in the street.
My mother was an old cow so the only thing I can think of is that she did something to offend them and they're visiting her sins on me.