To not want to dress up during sex

[Justdontwantto]

Am I the only one who hates dressing up during sex? My DH keeps pressurising me to dress up in different outfits (maid, nurse) etc and buys them for me. Says he’s bought me a present but it’s a present for him. Or wants me to do a striptease dance/send him photos of myself but I feel ridiculous. I’ve never enjoyed doing any of that even with ex partners but feel embarrassed to say no. He also wants to play sex board games and I just don’t want to. Im up for sex in general and doing different things/positions/using toys etc but this stuff just makes me cringe. Am I abnormal?

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Ugh, awful. Does he do embarrassing dances too or is it just your job?

It's not awful to have a sexual preference. It's awful to pressure someone else to indulge it.

I don’t think I’ve met a single woman in my long life that would go for this. They’re obviously out there but I wonder how much women do it for their partner rather than get anything out of it themselves?

Life is far too short to put up with shenanigans op. And quite frankly, any man who thinks being a nurse or a maid is sexy is a misogynist arsehole who should spend a day in either of those professions and see if he still has a hard on. He sounds like a basic sexist moron. You are worth more.

Cringe af🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️(unless it's someone's "thing")

Instead of focusing on the specific request, think about the underlying message. Talk to him.

Is he trying to add a bit of fun and humour? Looking for variety?

What he's suggesting is clearly not your thing, but perhaps explore what might be your thing. You might find something that interests you that meets whatever he's looking for.

If it's a two way conversation then you're probably fine.

If it's still all about what he wants you to do, then not so much.

It sounds as though he's interested in the clichéd mysoginistic Benny Hill view of sex, rather than sex with you. Almost as though he's acting a role himself.

Nurses? Maids? Has he any idea how demeaning that is to women with these actual jobs? I hope 'schoolgirl' isn't on his list as well .

I don’t think I’ve met a single woman in my long life that would go for this. They’re obviously out there but I wonder how much women do it for their partner rather than get anything out of it themselves?

You know the sexual interests of every woman you've ever met, do you?

Lots of women enjoy it. Burlesque classes, which are all about dressing up and striptease, are very popular and women don't even care about there being a man there to see it. It's not for everyone but it's very common, no more "cringe" than whatever you find sexy and nothing to look down upon.

But of course OP doesn't have to do it if she doesn't want to and her husband needs to respect that.

Does he dress up? Maybe you could ask him to sand you pics of him wearing a sailor suit? See how he likes it.

Fuck that! Sounds like an appropriate response. I'd bin any man off for that, it shows a bad attitude all round and denigrates genuine serious jobs that some women do in the process.

Per my first sentence. If she doesn’t want to do it then don’t do it.

Tell him you will dress up as a fire fighter.

Tell him to watch less porn

or tiktok. that shit has softcore porn

Each to their own all the best op

😂

Why have I never seen this episode.

@MrsJHarker the episode is called Sleepless In Peckham 😂

I’ve got some “bedroom only”, as in I don’t wear it under clothes because it’s not that sort of stuff underwear that I like and it makes me feel hot as a hot thing. I don’t like the uniform thing, we tried a nurses outfit once and we just ended up laughing.

It's not prudish to not enjoy a sex act. Whatever that might be

It doesn't matter if the activity is "tame" or not. These words are essentially all words uses to pressure people into sex

If you enjoy a sex act, you enjoy it. If you don't you don't. It doesn't matter how many others do that act, how many others would consider it something they would enjoy.

But him an outfit. Expect similar from him. Make it ridiculous and when he refuses say ok then I don’t have to. The most important part is to come back and tell us what happened!!

I don't blame you. It's a lot to do just for a few hundred pumps (if so) at the end of it. Always ends the same way. People just like to feel like they’re doing something with all these extra sex stuff- 'spicing things up' just to end with the same pumping action, because you can't thwart nature at the end of the day.

You're incompatible, simple as that. You don't need to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

but feel embarrassed to say no.

I’d feel more embarrassed to dress up and pretend to be a maid or do a striptease, tbh! If you know someone enough to have sex with someone, surely you can have a conversation about it!

It's okay, as you've said, for him to want it or find it arousing. But the bottom line is that it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to do it. So you shouldn't have to. It's perfectly normal for partners to have different "turn ons" - and it's okay to experiment with those and say it's not for you. How about exploring together something you both enjoy and are comfortable with? You're not saying you aren't sexually interested in your partner, simply that you don't enjoy that element of what he's into.

I think a fair few of the posts on here have missed the point TBH.

I'm wondering @Justdontwantto why you say you feel embarrassed to say no? It's totally fine for you to express your preferences when it comes to sex. If you find all the dressing up and games either too much faff - or cringe - or for ANY reason you don't like it - you need to tell your husband.

Hes not a mind reader - and if you've done his sort of thing for a while - he probably thinks you're enjoying it as much as he is.

In answer to your question Am I abnormal? Of course not!! But your Husband is not abnormal for having his preferences either. You need to have an open and frank discussion with him about what you like. Sex should be equally fulfilling for both sides. It sounds like you two have difference preferences so you both may need to compromise a bit but open and honest discussion is whats needed here.

If he doesn't listen or tries to insist you do things you're not comfortable with then its time to re-think your relationship.

Nurses? Maids? Has he any idea how demeaning that is to women with these actual jobs? I hope 'schoolgirl' isn't on his list as well.

Well put. I think he shows a warped attitude to women - is he fantasising when he is at the hospital? - makes me shudder.

What happened to loving relationships with loving and fun sex between two individuals?

The fact that women sometimes feel unable to say a firm no to the things that they do not like is so worrying. And sadly these demands are often porn generated.