Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To not want to dress up during sex

92 replies

Justdontwantto · 22/06/2023 19:17

Am I the only one who hates dressing up during sex? My DH keeps pressurising me to dress up in different outfits (maid, nurse) etc and buys them for me. Says he’s bought me a present but it’s a present for him. Or wants me to do a striptease dance/send him photos of myself but I feel ridiculous. I’ve never enjoyed doing any of that even with ex partners but feel embarrassed to say no. He also wants to play sex board games and I just don’t want to. Im up for sex in general and doing different things/positions/using toys etc but this stuff just makes me cringe. Am I abnormal?

If you've found this page in your search of adult games and sex games that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex games useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 22/06/2023 20:27

To be fair I would try it for my partner if he wanted but I'd laugh too much for either of us to get turned on 🤣

jojomamanbebe · 22/06/2023 20:30

This reminds me of Only Fools & Horses when Rodney dresses up as Russell Crowe and Cassandra as someone from The Bill 😂

DrSbaitso · 22/06/2023 20:30

WilkinsonM · 22/06/2023 20:25

I'm the absolute opposite of a prude 😆 threesomes, orgies no problem but dressing up for a striptease is just cringe!!

Show quote history

To you. To some people, group sex and sex parties are "cringe". I'm surprised that someone who loves orgies doesn't understand that different people have different turn ons and none of it is objectively any more "cringe" than anything else. If you're in a big room full of people having sex, odds are that at least some of them enjoy striptease and dressing up. They're much more common than orgies.

But the point is that OP doesn't like it, and nothing more needs to be said, except for communicating this to her husband.

Mischance · 22/06/2023 20:32

If you don't want to do it then you simply do not do it ... you say a clear NO. It does not even matter if it might be seen as "normal" or not ... although I share your view as many others will ... YOU do not want to do it so don't.
Spell it out to him ... I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS.
If he keeps on then he is not the man for you.

Marteenie · 22/06/2023 20:33

As with anything sexual if you're uncomfortable then don't do it! I used to enjoy it when I was younger but only when we mutually wanted to, I'd hate to feel pressured into it.

WilkinsonM · 22/06/2023 20:34

DrSbaitso · 22/06/2023 20:30

To you. To some people, group sex and sex parties are "cringe". I'm surprised that someone who loves orgies doesn't understand that different people have different turn ons and none of it is objectively any more "cringe" than anything else. If you're in a big room full of people having sex, odds are that at least some of them enjoy striptease and dressing up. They're much more common than orgies.

But the point is that OP doesn't like it, and nothing more needs to be said, except for communicating this to her husband.

Show quote history

That's the point!
OP doesn't like it, it makes her uncomfortable. Finding this kind of thing uncomfortable isn't 'prudish'. It's performative, awkward and one sided.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/06/2023 20:34

jojomamanbebe · 22/06/2023 20:30

This reminds me of Only Fools & Horses when Rodney dresses up as Russell Crowe and Cassandra as someone from The Bill 😂

😂😂😂

BBYBjorn · 22/06/2023 20:34

bonzaitree · 22/06/2023 19:56

If you don’t want to do a bedroom activity then don’t do it!

i do think you’re getting a lot of MN prudes on here though, brace yourself for lots of « oh I’d much rather have a cup of tea », « I can’t be arsed » answers.

for what it’s worth this is quite a normal request. If you’ve never said you don’t like it, he won’t know that you don’t like it. So tell him.

That's not prudishness, that's personal taste, seriously.

EarthSight · 22/06/2023 20:35

Cringe. It's one thing to do something like tat for fun every now and again, but he seems more into it than that.

The board games thing is more funny than it is sexy. It would really amuse me if anyone got aroused by playing that. I'd be cynical enough to think that a guy is secretly hoping that it will land on anal or rimming or something.

LaylaLjungberg · 22/06/2023 20:37

You do only what you’re into no more. Tell him you want him dressed as a maid and deep cleaning the house and see how willing he is to indulge you!

FKATondelayo · 22/06/2023 20:41

It's all a bit Benny Hill and dated isn't it? Dressing up as a French maid and stripteasing. Nothing wrong if you like that sort of thing but if you don't, you don't.

I remember that scene in Modern Family when Phil & Claire did role play at a hotel and it was like nails scratching down a blackboard. Those 2 don't have much sexual chemistry at the best of times but I nearly died from cringe.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 22/06/2023 20:42

I had a partner like this- was with him for several years. It was exhausting and really boring (and often uncomfortable) I was so grateful when my next partner just liked naked women. My now DH isn't into dressing up at all and I don't think I would have married him if he was. It's gross to me now.

Justleaveitblankthen · 22/06/2023 20:42

jojomamanbebe · 22/06/2023 20:30

This reminds me of Only Fools & Horses when Rodney dresses up as Russell Crowe and Cassandra as someone from The Bill 😂

I haven't seen this one! Sounds hysterical 😁

Anyway, what does your DH wear for you? How often does he perform a strip even?
That's probably lol unless he is a Magic Mike tribute act I realise 😂

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/06/2023 20:44

Justdontwantto · 22/06/2023 19:17

Am I the only one who hates dressing up during sex? My DH keeps pressurising me to dress up in different outfits (maid, nurse) etc and buys them for me. Says he’s bought me a present but it’s a present for him. Or wants me to do a striptease dance/send him photos of myself but I feel ridiculous. I’ve never enjoyed doing any of that even with ex partners but feel embarrassed to say no. He also wants to play sex board games and I just don’t want to. Im up for sex in general and doing different things/positions/using toys etc but this stuff just makes me cringe. Am I abnormal?

If you've found this page in your search of adult games and sex games that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex games useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Have you actually told him you don't like doing this?

I bought a sex board game a few years ago for me and DP as a surprise. We played it a few times over the years, she always said she'd had fun.

We moved out last week and were sorting out stuff to bin. DP mentioned that she didn't like the game and wanted to get rid of it. I felt like shit, if she'd just told me she didn't like it in the first place, we'd never have given it a second go and binned it.

If from his perspective you're happily doing this stuff for him, how is he meant to know you don't like it? If he brings it up again after you've told him, then he's an arse.

Butterwouldmelt · 22/06/2023 20:46

@Justdontwantto how long have you been married? It sounds awful. The sex board game would be the final straw for me God I wouldn't even want to sleep in the same bed as him.

Why did you feel you can't speak to your DH? What does he actually do for you physically... I hope there's an actual point to this for your benefit too OP.

Watchkeys · 22/06/2023 20:46

Have you told him it makes you uncomfortable? If he respects you, that would be the end of the matter.

If you've said, how did he respond?
If you haven't, what stops you?

HotPenguin · 22/06/2023 20:48

@FKATondelayo nailed it with "Benny Hill"

DrSbaitso · 22/06/2023 20:50

It's all a bit Benny Hill and dated isn't it?

Well, sex isn't a new concept.

jojomamanbebe · 22/06/2023 20:53

@Justleaveitblankthen the episode is called Sleepless In Peckham 😂

Butterwouldmelt · 22/06/2023 20:53

FatNoMoreSue · 22/06/2023 19:30

Ooh I could absolutely not be arsed with any of that nonsense! How cringey and embarrassing.

I'm not sure why people keep saying its cringey. Dressing up isn't cringey for some. But her DH is clearly taking the piss buying OP alfits she didn't ask for!

OPs husband sounds like a .... and she has said she is a people's pleaser. I think its quite a sad post and all these people saying its embarrassing... are not helping OP.

StarDolphins · 22/06/2023 20:54

Despite me not wanting to look like a sexy secretary/prostitute, my ex used to buy me underwear for Christmas & Birthdays, I never wore it & he kept buying it. Explained so many times, I like nice m&s ones etc & he still got some polyester crap from love bunny. It really put me off.

Just tell him it’s not for you & to please stop pushing the issue.

WilkinsonM · 22/06/2023 20:57

Alfits?

AdoraBell · 22/06/2023 20:59

Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable so No, you won’t do it again.

BCBird · 22/06/2023 21:07

I dressed up occasionally in my last relationship because I wanted to. I felt good and he was all over me🤣. I did say it would not be all the time. I also asked what he was going to wear for me. His nervous laughter was the answer. Was gentle with him.with a hunky waiter ensemble. Happy days🙂

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 22/06/2023 21:10

i do think you’re getting a lot of MN prudes on here though

There is no need to call other’s with misogynystic slurs.
Women are allowed to have different likes/dislikes and boundaries.
Doesn’t make them ’prudes’.
And this comment really didn’t make you cool or edgy, just a garden variety misogynist.