Who is in a happy long-term relationship? What's it like?

[Abbi634]

Who is in a happy long-term relationship?

Do you feel content? And loved? What's your favourite thing about your relationship? Is there respect and love?

There's another thread going on called 'why do people stay in unhappy relationships'.

Just wanted to hear about the opposite - i.e. those who have been together a long time, and still bring each other joy.

Thank you.

We have been married 28 years. We are extremely happy and my husband is the best man I know. He’s completely selfless and kind and he adores me.

I’d say I’m lucky, but most of my close friends are in really happy, decades long relationships too. Great marriages are not as rare as MN would make you believe.

Been together 38 years married for 36, we have our disagreements like everyone else but he is the person I most like spending time with

Married very young. Had 49th anniversary, and heading toward our 50th. There have been (long periods!) of times when I could have given him away with a packet of cornflakes, especially during our 30s and 40s when his career was so important to him, and no doubt he felt like that about me, too when I was so taken up with raising our children. We are polar opposites in every way, but we are both Christians and take our long ago vows very seriously. Now we're old (haha!) I appreciate him more than ever. He's my rock, always supports me in every way - is always there for me. I wouldn't swap him for the world and love him more than the day I married him. And I'm so glad that neither of us bailed out when things were tough. Our children benefitted hugely from being in a stable relationship, even when it was a bit choppy!

This is so lovely - also makes me feel a bit sad as my 20 year marriage is full of lies, apathy and cheating. Maybe in my next life I'll have something wonderful happen.

Yes I'm genuinely really happy with DH. We met at 21 and have been together 18 years, married for 9.

This is a great thread idea OP.

My marriage is happy because we don't view it as 50/50, it's both giving all we have at that time and being willing to pick up the slack when the other needs it. We don't keep score because it evens out.

Intimacy is important to us and we communicate. Neither of us believes in the idea that one person should be able to take sex and intimacy off the table indefinitely with little to no communication about it.

He's also an active parent and husband so he doesn't babysit or help around the house. It's easy to fancy a man who doesn't bum around like a teenager moaning about having to unload the dishwasher.

I was for 38 years but sadly she died 4 years ago :(
We met as teenagers and the first time I saw her my heart missed a couple of beats. Along the way we had many challenges (hers being MS) and nothing is ever perfect but till the day she died I never stopped loving or fancying her & she seemed to feel the same.
Even now I tear up thinking about her and our almost childish relationship we enjoyed.

I’ve been with DH 36 years, married for 32. We were young when we got married. We often had months spent apart when the children were small and DH was off doing his thing around the world but there’s never been a day that’s he’s not called numerous times. I’ve felt very loved and cherished every day of those 36 years and we’ve had to overcome some obstacles along the way. You can’t control what the press write and it was difficult at times to hear or read things about us when he was on the other side of the world. He’s encouraged and supported me to be my own person, fiercely guarded our privacy and even now there’s not a morning I wake up to either him telling me he loves me or a FaceTime/message. He’s my best friend, counsellor, voice of reason, an amazing father and my soulmate.

There are definitely some common themes coming through from these happy long marriages! Green flags waving everywhere. ☺️

Yes, I think the common themes are: mutual respect, kindness, honesty, humour.

I'm always in awe of people who marry well first go. I was too damaged and immature to find a decent partner until I was in my 50s!

Making up for lost time now, though.

We laugh all day and don't argue because we just see things the same way. He's incredibly considerate and listens carefully to everything I say, even when I'm talking crap!!!

Married for 20. He's a diamond - I knew so immediately, a good man, solid, reliable, has my back. We don't argue much, probably only once a year. He can be quite irritating (I know I myself am!) controlling, but as I'm no shrinking violet I won't tolerate nothing and he likes that a lot. I like my own company, like going away with the girls, but the thought of him dying and me having to live without him fills me with dred.

Together 53 years,married 50 years in Nov. this year.Always an easygoing relationship and survived 4 teenagers,

20 years. There is no one I would rather spend time with than him. He is generous, intelligent, funny and thoughtful.

He is also a anxious, hugely stubborn, and struggles to understand that my preferences and wants are just as valid as his, and not something I would change my mind about if I just saw things rationally, or was more adventurous, or thought about it more...

On the other hand, I can be tempestuous, and grumpy, and not very good at communicating.

I love him, and he loves me. I am happier with him, and probably a better person because of him. He grounds me, in a way. I hope I show him every day how much I love him.

But we are two people with strong personalities - no one would ever describe either of us as easy going! So while yes - a very happy relationship - not without its struggles, for both of us. Entirely worth it.

I’ve been with dh for 22 years and married for 19. He’s my best friend, my person. The one I want to call to tell stuff - good stuff, bad stuff and just boring day to day stuff.

This year has tested our relationship because when life is good, a good relationship is easier. This year, my work life has been indescribably miserable. I’ve come through the other side and our relationship stood the test. He’s been my absolute rock more than I think he even knows. I felt broken but he help me mend and picked up the slack to allow me time and space to mend without a single complaint. It’s made us both focus on what’s important - our family.

most importantly, we like each’s company. Dc are getting older so there’s more occasions when just the two of us go for a dog walk and end up in a country pub just the two of us. We’re way off retirement but in those moments we see what retirement will look like together.

"He just makes life better in every way. He has some irritating habits (procrastination!) and there are things he does that gets on my nerves (untidy, disorganised, whistles cheerfully very early in the morning). He's crap with money and is far from perfect. But I would not swap him for anything and I occasionally lie awake at night hoping I'll die first, because I'm genuinely not sure how I'd cope without him. I'm tough, practical and like my own company, but he's my other half and I'd miss him dreadfully."

This!
I hope I'll die first, as I don't think I could live without him.
Together 35 years, married 30 years.
We are each other's rock. ( And we haven't killed each other yet after 10 weeks in a campervan going across Europe and the Scottish highlands).

I'm in a happy long term marriage, but he still annoys the flip out of me on occasion because we are separate people and I'm highly strung! However: his core is good. He has no malice. He is kindly and clever and funny. He tolerates and embraces my foibles, in spite of the fact I tolerate but struggle to embrace his.
He is nicer than me.

He's my second (and last) DH.

We reach for each other when we're sleeping, even on the nights when it's too hot to cuddle while we're awake.

Can I ask everyone who has happily been together a long time whether your dad was a good guy too?

Do you think you were better able to spot the signs of a good guy more easily because of that/tolerate nothing less than a decent man because of that?

I sometimes wonder whether having had a good dad gives you a leg up in this regard. I wonder what others think.

I feel so blessed by mine. And I never take it for granted - this isn't my first marriage and I know what it's like to be unhappy in a relationship.

It's a wonderful, safe feeling to know he has my back and will support me whatever. We laugh a lot. Fancy each other loads. Have similar ideas about what's important in life, and a similar approach to work and home life. Share the load equally so we get the same amount of 'down time'. I'm eternally grateful that our respective DCs have got along brilliantly from day 1 so we've not had any step-family stress either. Respect and laughter and shared effort.

We've been together 13 years. Relatives drop hints about us getting married but we don't see the point as we're happy as we are. We are 6 days apart in age and have lots in common such as reminiscing about stuff that happened when we were young etc. We've never had a serious row and enjoy time on our own as well as together. He's very much a pub and socialising person whereas I'd never go to the pub and am not comfortable in large groups.

Been together almost 4 years, married for two weeks. So not massively long term compared to some so far but a completely different relationship to any other I've been in for me.
He makes me feel loved every day, he makes me feel secure. He treats my children like his own, he makes an effort with my friends and family.

He's like having my own personal cheerleader, he's pleased for me no matter how small the win.

He shows me off to his friends because he's genuinely proud of me.

I've never been so happy and I honestly hope we get many years like this.

My dad is an alcoholic and his mistake with my mum was, shall we say, chaotic and explosive. They split for good when I was 4 and my eldest sibling and I would have to stay over every Saturday night and I hated it.

My mum remarried when I was 6 and my stepdad was lovely though.

Together two years today (getting married next year!)

Again, not as long as some of you! But I was with my first husband for 15 years. And I was miserable.

With my OH I love every min we spend together! I can't tell he loves me by the way he looks at me, we make a good team together and he has taken on my two boys as if they're his own. He makes me laugh and smile every day and I miss him terribly when he's not here! (He works away 2 months at a time)

Sex life is great! Life is just easier since I met him in the way I feel supported. I can't wait to marry him!

@Dacadactyl my dad was basically a good man, but I don't think he gave me a good example and I had a few wrong turns along the way. I finally found a lovely man, we laugh a lot and share a lot of important traits, but respect and honesty have to be the main factor. It doesn't matter if we have different preferences or want to do different things, we talk about it and work out a way forward we're both happy with. We both like our own space but love spending time together too!

26 years and counting...

Yes definitely I feel loved and respected and supported. With DH 13 yrs married 9 have an 8,6 and 3 Yr old, all girls. Life is hectic but DH pulls his weight, equal childcare, does food shopping, washing, cooking etc. We both work full time and we both spend time with our friends individually when we want ans together when we want. He has never let me down, nor I him. We have been through hell and back, mil died tragically while we were on honeymoon and fil passed recently, both experienced death of other close relations, money worries, job concerns, sick kids etc. But we communicate well and talk about anything and everything, we very rarely have a cross word. We are similar in some ways and different in others. It works for us. I adore him and he adores me.

Previous relationship was 6 years, we were young and out grew each other, he realised before I did but we had a good strong solid relationship. We are still friends if we happened to meet each other and he was a lovely guy. I was let down at times but I put it down to youth.

I kisses many frogs in between and when they didn't share similar qualities, priorities, expectations, respect, love and passion I walled away. My advice is don't settle it was better to be single and kissing frogs than coupled up and miserable.

I too am pretty ancient, and we've been together for forty years.

He makes me laugh and is good at talking things through. When our children were small he used to walk in the door and just start helping sort things out. He supported me every day and still does when I need him to.

We have mild spats every now and again, but never anything serious.

I love spending time with him, whether it's just going for a walk, or out for dinner. We just adore each other.