Daughter arrested

[Alwaystoblame]

Some might recognise my username from my long thread about Dd. She's 16 and been arrested for theft. There's cctv. 4am ffs. She lives with her feckless father. I'm so angry with him. I'm at the police station waiting to see the custody sergeant and see what's what. She's been arrested with a group of others and will be bailed or charged and wait for a court date. She's been failed by so many professionals to date and SS have only just closed her file. I knew something like this would happen but nobody would listen. She's vulnerable and naive and making poor choice after poor choice and I'm scared for her. She must be terrified. I'm not downplaying what she's done in any way before anyone says that. I'm shocked and upset and she must be too. Here for a handhold really and to vent. Her dad says he didn't know she was out all night. The police couldn't get hold of him at all. He's a disgrace to fatherhood.

Is there any reason why she couldnt come back and live with you? if the dad is feckless then offering this, more stability etc might be something that she can use positively when she comes to court? clutching at straws for you really it must be so incredibly scary.

She's been violent in the past to me and her young brother and frequently ran away. Dads is free and easy with no rules, no discipline and no consequences for anything. So she chooses his house. I'd love her to come home. It saddens me daily that she's not with us. She needs help but no one seems able to give her what she needs.
She's missed her ADHD assessments that dad claims to know nothing about. Camhs are useless but she doesn't turn up half the time. This has been brewing for 2 years now.

I'm at that very anxious want to cry but laugh stage of disbelief.

Handholding, OP. What a stressful situation.

Sometimes, things like this are a catalyst for a change in a person.

I know that it probably doesn’t feel like it is at the moment, but it may be a wake up call for her.

They've got her on cctv, police were called and she ran. She was with friends. All arrested.

@BlinkeredBay nothing has worked so far so I'm hoping this does.

So do I! Keep up the hope.

Her dad has said he'll kill her.

Sending support

How helpful of him!

This is both you and her dads chance to put your big kids pants on and take control of your daughters life.
my older sister was always getting arrested and getting into trouble and it was because our parents offered very little to us growing up, no trips out, no holidays, nothing fun.
you need to keep her very busy and away from her friends.
my sister is now doing very well, has a career family etc. very high functioning decent human.
all is not yet lost you just need to be more involved and make a plan. Your ex needs to focus his life on your daughter and so do you.

As others have suggested this may be a catalyst for change in her! Not dismissing the fact this must be incredibly stressful for you though.

Please try not to lose hope - I know someone like this who got into trouble repeatedly in their teens, thrown out of various schools, arrested a couple of times, but as we approach our 30s they have grown into the most normal person you could ever come across, lovely and grounded with a decent job and a young a child of their own and haven’t been in any sort of trouble for years.

I know you probably don't want to go into detail and I'm sure some will say anything that gets you arrested is bad. But was it a very bad thing she did? Or just stupid teenager crap? My sis did something stupid when she was 17, had to sign into the police every week for a while (I don't really remember the details) she has not turned into a career criminal. She was punished at home too though and I think the whole thing scared her.

it might be the lesson she needs op

Haven't read your previous threads OP, just wanted to offer handhold too.

It is such a difficult age. As others have said, it might be that getting a scare leads to a change.

So hard this age.

Oh how worrying for you. It's all well and good her dad saying he'll kill her but he needs to have a look in the mirror and start to put boundaries in place for her.
Re fighting to get help, my aunt and uncle went through all this (years ago) with their youngest child but they just couldn't get him the help he clearly needed. It must be so frustrating for you.

So worrying but I have heard of cases where arrest leads to helpful interventions for kids in this position - let them know how vulnerable she is and how worried you are

opcant force her dd to live with her at that age

what did she steal

Judging much?
Have you read the others OP’s threads before judging? Or is it easier to attack someone when they SPECIFICALLY asked for a handhold.

There seems to be shortages of empathy everywhere atm.

I think this is one of those times when people could really benefit from reading the OPs previous threads before jumping in with judgement at her.

I'm really aware that this could happen to anyone, any parent, given a few unfortunate circumstances coming together. It is such a potentially volatile age.

OP I think I remember one of your previous threads and although I've never been in your shoes, I know a few teenagers who have been similar to your DD and they have all for different reasons and at different times turned themselves around so please don't see this as the path to it getting worse.
Is your DD completely emotionally closed off? Or at some times can you get through?
Work with the police, and hopefully they will work with her.
There are intervention programmes in many places to support teenagers thst just don't get on with normal teenage life, and hopefully this may be the opening of a door you and her actually need.