Daughter arrested

[Alwaystoblame]

Some might recognise my username from my long thread about Dd. She's 16 and been arrested for theft. There's cctv. 4am ffs. She lives with her feckless father. I'm so angry with him. I'm at the police station waiting to see the custody sergeant and see what's what. She's been arrested with a group of others and will be bailed or charged and wait for a court date. She's been failed by so many professionals to date and SS have only just closed her file. I knew something like this would happen but nobody would listen. She's vulnerable and naive and making poor choice after poor choice and I'm scared for her. She must be terrified. I'm not downplaying what she's done in any way before anyone says that. I'm shocked and upset and she must be too. Here for a handhold really and to vent. Her dad says he didn't know she was out all night. The police couldn't get hold of him at all. He's a disgrace to fatherhood.

Thank you everyone. She admitted everything in interview and has been bailed to work with the youth offenders team. She was with 3 friends but no idea what is happening with them. She's vowed to cut ties but she's said that before.

Well said, Sprinkle Rainbow.
Don't know what the police are like around your end, but one of our community support officers used to spend most of his time with kids that age that had got into trouble. He used to show them round a cell and explain what consequences of behaviour might be. Many lives turned around.

You can't win on this site. Look at previous posts and you get slammed for it. Don't look and you still get slammed for it. It's your judgy pants that are the problem. How about sticking to giving advice and not having a go at other posters for what they have or haven't done?

OP I'm sorry that this is happening and causing you so much upset, but since just about every post so far is criticising the other posters for having not read stuff from other threads, and they seem more interested in having a go at people who don't know the history, I can't really offer anything but sympathy. I haven't read the other threads and clearly replying to this one isn't good enough for some people.

This is good news, isn't it?
Yes, I'm sure you would rather it hadn't happened. But Youth Offenders team have proper training - and trying to prevent reoffending as well as finding other pathways...getting some help at last?

So sorry, how stressful and shocking for you … annd all involved.
I hope she can make amends and turn her life around and learn from this

I'm hoping the youth offender team will be just what she needs. The police were very good with her and she's had a very stern warning about her behaviour and where she will end up if she chooses this path.

Can someone link or summarise the previous threads? I will say though that generally speaking social services can’t just wave a magic wand. There may well be specific failings in this instance but broadly speaking Parents are usually the best adults to improve their children’s behaviour, mental state and keep them safe, so it’s no wonder if they are unable to that social workers etc may struggle to as well.

Advance search and you will find them.

Very good. Stand firm OP. That sounds like progress.

OP can do nothing because her DD is old enough to chose and now lives with her Dad, OPs abusive ex. Dad is a Disney Dad and couldn't care less about boundaries or school or school work or his daughter's future. DD has skipped school more and move over time, moved in with Dad, had a managed move which failed due to DD still not turning up for school. OP has spent years trying to get DD support and get her to attend school and get an education. DD has very little to do with OP and her and her Dad like to blame OP for all their issues. OP has spent so much time trying to help her DD and get her support. She still attended school meetings after DD moved out even though DD and ex rarely bothered showing up. She's done everything she could and until DD wants support or at least steps away from her father's influence there's nothing more OP can do. This is all from memory having read OPs previous threads when first posted

@EliflurtleTripanInfinite thank you, that sums it up very well!

I'm wondering what the youth offender team will decide. Maybe community service?

She's back to her normal self like yesterday never happened at the moment.

So sorry so often this happens after authorities fail. Can she live with someone like a grandparent or aunt? Maybe being arrested may help her realise reality or if it unfortunately goes to court help may be given to her I would seek legal advice so you can be prepared for all eventualities

Family Rights Group may be of help.
Get Help and Advice - Family Rights Group (frg.org.uk)

@Alwaystoblame I don't know if this is helpful, but I think that when people are making bad choices they are often choosing between 2 bad choices and they are choosing the least bad of the 2, at least from their perspective. I'm not saying that theft is ever a good choice, I'm saying that looked at from where are is standing the choices look different.

Does a tone know if an automatic referral to social services gets made? I would think so but not sure.

She made a conscious and deliberate choice to steal from a vehicle and left the site to return with a stolen large receptacle to carry the items home with the plan to sell them to make money. This wasn't a random oooh I like that, no ones looking quickly put it in my bag sort of impulse. That wouldn't be ok either but this was much more calculated.

Oh dear. you must be so worried. Why don't you phone your local social services and ask for advice. They may be able to suggest resources that you don't know about. Why did she want money? Is she drinking, using drugs, or doing it for someone, ie boyfriend? I do hope it works out for you both.

She said to pay off her dads debts! SS have received a referral from the police and have said they will be in touch. Her dad was in the house but was asleep and had no idea she had several friends over or that age went out at 3am. He then left for work not knowing where are was. He was only annoyed because she was supposed to let a workman in! No concern for her safety at all.

He is unbelievable. Perhaps the services will encourage her to live with you. She is still really young and immature to have a free rein like that. xx

No, she's blaming me and despite saying on Monday she wants to live with me again she's back to saying all my fault. It's my birthday today too and she's not coming because I won't accept it's my fault.

Many Happy Returns from me to you. Keep your chin up. xx

In Scotland she would be over to the Youth Justice team at 16 years (they are part of social work). Essentially she is now going to be held more and more accountable for her actions and this is how it should be. Certainly she needs to find a peer group who are interested on staying this side of the law. Really it is little good blaming her Dad since you are also not able to set and maintain sensible boundaries for her. But I wish you well.

All the best op, seems like there's a long road ahead

And happy birthday @Alwaystoblame

If its any comfort OP, I was arrested at 16 for nicking some lippys from Boors and received a police caution. It put the fear of God into me and I was very upset that my parents were upset. (I was in the interview room with an officer and heard a woman crying outside. I knew straight away it was my mum and said it to the policewoman. She tried to calm me down but I started crying as I was so upset that she was upset.) Anyway I never did it again. Having said that, I did not have the same difficulties your daughter appears to have.

I hope it goes OK for you xxx