Am I a terrible person?

cassiatwenty · 18/06/2023 19:35

No.

chipswitheveryting · 18/06/2023 19:36

It's bad, you really shouldn't be that reckless with your husbands feelings.

You should aim to never get that drunk again when he's not there if you can't control yourself.

GoldDuster · 18/06/2023 19:37

You're not a terrible person, you were a drunk person that did something you regret.

Gcsunnyside23 · 18/06/2023 19:38

Not necessarily, if this is a one time thing and you've learnt a lesson then don't tell him and make sure it doesn't happen again. But if you even come close again then do the right thing and let him find someone else

catsnhats11 · 18/06/2023 19:42

No, you made a mistake, but interesting that if a woman was on here saying their husband did the same thing, everyone would be screaming that he should leave him immediately and he's a cheat, probably having an affair, can never be trusted etc.

Is there any chance your husband might found out? If so it might be best to confess now than him find out from someone else.

manipulatrice · 18/06/2023 19:45

You cheated on your husband.

I can't validate you as a person, I don't know you. But what you did was shitty.

MaggieBsBoat · 18/06/2023 19:51

You aren’t , but you need to question why you allowed yourself to get into a situation which opened this door.
Do not tell your husband. Do not do it again.

Satinthemiddle · 18/06/2023 20:01

Sorry to say but talk about double standards
If this was a guy you would all be saying what a low life piece of shite he is and how he deserves to be thrown out and lose everything
But because she's a woman it's ok to sweep it under the rug

Sorry but your husband deserves better than someone who can't control themselves when they have had alcohol

cassiatwenty · 18/06/2023 20:11

Satinthemiddle · 18/06/2023 20:01

Sorry to say but talk about double standards
If this was a guy you would all be saying what a low life piece of shite he is and how he deserves to be thrown out and lose everything
But because she's a woman it's ok to sweep it under the rug

Sorry but your husband deserves better than someone who can't control themselves when they have had alcohol

Are lots of people able to control themselves when drunk? 🧐 I agree, we should all be unforgiving and serious about this. One mistake, and off to the nunnery.

Satinthemiddle · 18/06/2023 20:16

I'm pointing out the double standards
If it was a wife saying he cheated he would be hung drawn and quartered
If it was a guy admitting it he would be scum of the earth low life piece of shit that deserves all he gets
A woman goes out gets drunk and cheats and it's oh we all do silly things don't do it again don't tell your husband and he'll never know

AnonKat · 18/06/2023 20:23

Yeah switch the sexes and the answers would be completely different. MN is a funny old place.

Drinking doesn't excuse bad behaviour.

Throwncrumbs · 18/06/2023 20:26

Did you cheat as in having sex or just kissing and dancing , it’s not really clear from your post tbh

YouLittlePlonka · 18/06/2023 20:26

You got drunk and behaved like a twat OP just like most of us have done and will do again many times.

If you really didn't know what you were doing and it meant nothing I'd tell your husband, just to be honest. But that's just me and guilt would eat me alive, I doubt many of my friends would confess!

Just learn from it x

bibbityboppityboo · 18/06/2023 20:43

I mean I'd probably class you as a terrible person, only because you broke your vows so easily after a few drinks! Id say the same to a friend in real life.

Are you going to be honest with him? Or live a lie?

hugefanofcheese · 19/06/2023 00:51

Was it kissing and dancing or went further? Assuming the former, I don't know whether you're a terrible person but that isn't good behaviour at all so I'm not going to reassure you. I'm not sure whether you need to blow your marriage open over as this would cause your husband a lot of pain but you definitely need to work out how you came to do this and how not to do it again. Yes I would say the same to a man.

MrsDukeOfHastings · 19/06/2023 00:58

I would judge based on how I would feel if partner did that to me, would I consider it cheating? Yes. Cheating isn't forgivable in a relationship in my opinion but I wouldn't say you were a terrible person, you made a mistake but I agree with above that being drunk doesn't excuse bad behaviour and if I got that as an excuse, then automatically I would assume that my partner would do the same again if in the same situation and then the trust is gone.

Vodandtonic · 19/06/2023 01:09

Agree with the double standard comments 🙄 I wonder if all those minimising it would be so open-minded if they found out their DP had been out to a club and danced and snogged another woman 🤔 and if they'd be so understanding of his 'indiscretion' ? I doubt it

PaintedEgg · 19/06/2023 01:51

i dont know you, but getting wasted and cheating is a terrible behaviour so at the very least you're a terrible wife

momtoboys · 19/06/2023 02:35

Did you ride him?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 19/06/2023 02:39

I'd want to know so I could make the decision to stay or leave!!
It's your husbands decision to make for himself not yours to make for him by lying to him.

EllaRaines · 19/06/2023 02:49

You are not a terrible person but your reckless behaviour was.

EllaRaines · 19/06/2023 02:49

Was terrible ^

CheekyHobson · 19/06/2023 02:56

I think the more important question you should be asking is “Why did this happen?”

You’re not a different person when drunk, you’re the same person with fewer inhibitions. If you were completely happy with your relationship or completely secure in yourself, you probably wouldn’t be a) getting way more drunk than you intended to, b) making out with someone you’re not really attracted to and c) cheating on your boyfriend.

So you should be reflecting on whether you often act in ways that are out of alignment with how you think you “should” be acting, why you’re “going along with” physical involvement when you’re not attracted to the person, and whether you’re not really getting what you need from your relationship, and why.

GarlicGrace · 19/06/2023 03:22

Vodandtonic · 19/06/2023 01:09

Agree with the double standard comments 🙄 I wonder if all those minimising it would be so open-minded if they found out their DP had been out to a club and danced and snogged another woman 🤔 and if they'd be so understanding of his 'indiscretion' ? I doubt it

Disagree. People would be asking how sure she was it was "only" dancing & kissing, and how regretful he was.

Obviously it was wrong and stupid. OP realises that and says she feels terrible.

Despite being frequently rat-arsed, I've only ever done this when I was already on my way out of the relationship, but OP says she really does love her husband. I've had friends who would do all sorts of out-of-character things when drunk - it sounds like OP's the same. The only thing to do, then. @Alwaystiredzzz, is to make sure you NEVER get drunk without your H.

And ... either confess, or be extremely confident you'll never drop a hint about it for the rest of your life, even during a row!

SunflowerTed · 19/06/2023 04:07

Alwaystiredzzz · 18/06/2023 19:34

I went out last night with some friends and I ended up getting sooo drunk which Iwasn’t my intention then I ended up cheating on my husband with some random guy I didn’t even like by kissing him and dancing with him for some of the night. I feel terrible and wracked with guilt and has made me realise how much I love my husband. The thought of him finding out makes me feel sick. Am I a terrible person?

I wouldn’t want to be married to you., you’re not terrible, just a cheat and horribly disrespectful