Am I a terrible person?

[Alwaystiredzzz]

I went out last night with some friends and I ended up getting sooo drunk which Iwasn’t my intention then I ended up cheating on my husband with some random guy I didn’t even like by kissing him and dancing with him for some of the night. I feel terrible and wracked with guilt and has made me realise how much I love my husband. The thought of him finding out makes me feel sick. Am I a terrible person?

Yes, OP it seems like @Notsuchaniceguy/lessofanassholethanIwas gave you some words of warmth and encouragement.

It seems like you're already suffering, so no need to punish yourself even more over a mistake.

We learn best by making mistakes, anyway. You can't learn anything new if you never slip up.

No idea if you are a terrible person but you did a terrible thing.
Dont fess up just to make yourself feel better though

You're not a terrible person, you did something really bad though - drunk or not you cheated on your husband and if you don't tell him you'll be a liar on top of that and a person that cannot be trusted.

You 100% have to tell him what you did if you want your marriage to last.

Basically, if you cheated AND hide it, undoubtedly that is bloody terrible. Tell him today.

If he’d carried on like this would you consider him a terrible person?

Why?
what benefit is there for either of them?

Not a terrible person but you did do a terrible thing. You'll most likely be met with sympathy here as you're female rather than the torrent of LTB that you'd get if you were male.

torrent of LTB that you'd get if you were male

Sick to death of seeing this. No, that is not what happens here. We even have nuanced debates over husbands who've had a 'private dance'. A woman NEVER pays a man to stroke his genitals over her face & body, yet we still gently discuss the relationship implications of a male partner's choice to pay a woman.

My boss and I snogged on a very drunken work night out years ago. Colleagues saw us. I felt awful. Told my husband as soon as I woke up the next morning. I couldn't live with myself keeping a secret from him as well as the kiss.

Husband initially found it amusing, understood it was a drunken mistake, particularly as he really liked my boss. As time went on, he found it harder, as he couldn't stop imagining where hands and tongues had been.

It brought up the massive underlying issue in our marriage that I no longer trusted him after his second time of emotionally cheating on me and years of camming for/with strangers. All behaviours I discovered, as he covered it up for years. Hence my immediate honesty.

He's now XH.

OP - deal with those underlying issues. Don't keep going round this cycle. You're worth more and so is he.

He gets to decide if he wants to stay with her knowing she’s been kissing other men, I imagine.

Precisely @GarlicGrace, there have been threads and discussions about this and a lot of posters were understanding.

On a school night? 😱

Let those without sin cast the first stone.

So many horrible replies on here.

OP you made a drunken mistake and you are remorseful, you are NOT a bad person.

Let me make this really clear, everyone makes mistakes all the time, absolutely nobody is perfect. You are just a human being.

If you're going to tell him - no you're not
If you keep it hidden and continue living a lie - yes you are

He deserves to know. If it were reserved, would you want to carry on a relationship with this big thing he hadn't told you?

Lmao!! ~~~☆♡■~~continue living a lie~~~♤♡□☆~~~~ Phew, I was worried this was going to be dramatic

Or reversed.. even!

Hope your partner never does it to you then if it's no big deal to you!

Ty!

That’s a horrible thing to do to your husband. He deserves to know what you did.

I would never do that to my husband, I don’t care how drunk I was. It’s no excuse.

If you aren't being intimate this will 100% happen again. If things have fizzled out maybe the relationship isn't working any more and you were flattered by the attention. I assume you don't want a housemate type relationship with your partner so it sounds like you need an honest discussion before this inevitably happens again.

Are lots of people able to control themselves when drunk?

People need to be held accountable for their actions, drunkenness is no excuse. If someone can't drink without getting drunk and behaves stupidly, then they shouldn't drink.

If someone murdered someone while drunk they'd still be charged and imprisoned, why should cheating (or anything that involves wringing another person) while drunk be any different? Tell your partner what you did, your partner gets to decide for himself if he can move past it and move forward in your relationship or not.

What would make you a terrible person, IMO, is if you compound the mistake by adding lies on top and not admitting it to your partner.