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Original poster

End of friendships, can I just dump it all here please?

55 replies

Tootsietwo · 14/06/2023 17:03

I just need somewhere to leave this.

I feel utterly heartbroken. My dear friend of 30 years doesn't want to be in my life anymore. Nothings happened, she feels its drifted. Not for me it hadn't.

I feel sick about it. I cant imagine the rest of my life without her in it. Its so sad and feels so unnecessarily cruel.

I know there's nothing I can do. I just need to let it go and move on. Focus on the people who love me.

Wow though it hurts.

OP posts:
RandomRandomness · 14/06/2023 17:49

@Tootsietwo, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No wonder you’re heartbroken. Did she give a fuller explanation about what she meant by ‘drifting’?

You're not alone. I’ve just had to step back from my longest standing close friend because she’s befriended my recent ex who was also a childhood friend. I have a thread about it so I won’t go into details but I just feel utterly bereft. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone Flowers

Stratocumulus · 14/06/2023 17:55

I had a friend of 30 years who was paranoid and attention seeking before and during Covid. It became so tedious and bad for my own mental health I had to go grey rock and she’s not bothered since.

I miss her and wish it was different but looking back if was always me arranging get togethers, she had stopped reaching out so we were drifting. It’s a loss as we were such good mates for so many years. You have my empathy OP but sadly like many relationships and friendships things run their course.

Original poster
Tootsietwo · 14/06/2023 18:29

Thankyou both.

No real explanation just that the friendship has drifted. I've had friendships drift before but it was always a mutual thing and never such a long standing friendship.

I feel bereft. I'll miss her and her family dearly.

OP posts:
3littlebearcubs · 14/06/2023 19:02

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this heartbreak @Tootsietwo , sending gentle hugs your way, the loss of a long term friendship is so deeply upsetting 💐

MagnificentDelurker · 14/06/2023 19:10

I am so sorry you’re going through this. You need time to grieve and you will be able to let go in time.

hugs

Original poster
Tootsietwo · 14/06/2023 20:04

Thankyou both. I really appreciate the kind words. I cant imagine doing life without her.

OP posts:
Stickybackplasticbear · 14/06/2023 20:09

So has she said she doesn't want to see you anymore? Rather than maintain a more casual or less frequent friendship? I feel like without a falling out this is a bit odd.

EmmaEmerald · 14/06/2023 20:18

I have waffled on this subject endlessly on MN

All I can say is I'm sorry, I know how much it hurts. Hugs to you.

Mary46 · 14/06/2023 21:20

So hurtful feel for you op x. Hard when its a long friend too

5rosebud · 14/06/2023 21:32

So sorry this has happened to you. It has happened to me too and it is heartbreaking. Took me years to get over it tbh! I recommend reading the book ‘friendaholic’ by Elizabeth Day who goes into great detail about the effect of friendship breakups. I don’t think it’s acknowledged in the same way in society as romantic breakups.

EmmaEmerald · 14/06/2023 21:34

5rosebud · 14/06/2023 21:32

So sorry this has happened to you. It has happened to me too and it is heartbreaking. Took me years to get over it tbh! I recommend reading the book ‘friendaholic’ by Elizabeth Day who goes into great detail about the effect of friendship breakups. I don’t think it’s acknowledged in the same way in society as romantic breakups.

Thanks, I think i need to read this

anythinginapinch · 14/06/2023 21:36

Ooooff that is painful just to read never mind live with. I'm so sorry.

Livelifelaughter · 14/06/2023 21:36

Has your friend actually said she doesn't want to maintain your friendship? It sounds really strange. I can understand a friendship drifting but to make an announcement sounds very dramatic. I don't really feel the full story is being told.

DorritLittle · 14/06/2023 21:41

I had a friend who slowly stopped replying to me until I finally realised she didn’t really want to be friends. I confronted her and she denied it and the friendship is over. I sympathise. I think about her more than any ex boyfriend.

Tipintorecession · 14/06/2023 21:46

It's very hard when you drift apart, we all change as we get older though. My oldest, closest friend was drinking a lot and as I got older I struggled more and more with her aggressive behavior. She's stopped drinking now but I just can't get back to how we used to be. 46 years we've been 'best' friends. I wish we could magic wand our ways back to how it was before, all of us on this thread and the many others on here 😔

Peakypolly · 14/06/2023 21:46

I'm sorry to read this. I got dropped by my longest standing friend pre Covid and I still miss the laughs we used to share. Her DS has also achieved a great accolade and I long to tell her how wonderful he is, and what a great parent she has been.
No solution but empathy.

Circumferences · 14/06/2023 21:47

I also find it odd to be honest.
There must be more going on from her point of view because the excuse "the friendship has drifted" is a total cop out.
Were those her exact words?

YukoandHiro · 14/06/2023 21:50

Hmm, "drifting" apart doesn't usually require a statement from one side or the other and is more of an organic thing.

Does this seem very sudden to you? How often do you see each other usually?

I wonder if she's in therapy? Some therapists can be very odd about closure and telling "your truth" with scant regard to the damage this causes others

YukoandHiro · 14/06/2023 21:52

Peakypolly · 14/06/2023 21:46

I'm sorry to read this. I got dropped by my longest standing friend pre Covid and I still miss the laughs we used to share. Her DS has also achieved a great accolade and I long to tell her how wonderful he is, and what a great parent she has been.
No solution but empathy.

You could still do this, as long as you state that you don't expect her to reply. I would actually.

JollyMollyPolly · 14/06/2023 21:54

I'm sorry this has happened OP. I drifted away from my best friend over COVID, she had another single friend in her "bubble" who she grew close to and ours never recovered. I still see her but as part of a friendship group and while it's sad, I'm ok with that. But to announce the end of a friendship without a fallout is odd. Have you been asking for her time and she's not willing to give it?

SaturdayGiraffe · 14/06/2023 21:54

While sad, perhaps you can take comfort that you had a good friend for 30 years. I’ve not had that, and never will.

Original poster
Tootsietwo · 14/06/2023 21:54

YukoandHiro · 14/06/2023 21:50

Hmm, "drifting" apart doesn't usually require a statement from one side or the other and is more of an organic thing.

Does this seem very sudden to you? How often do you see each other usually?

I wonder if she's in therapy? Some therapists can be very odd about closure and telling "your truth" with scant regard to the damage this causes others

She's had counselling and CBT over the years.

Thankyou all so much for the kind replies .

Those saying it's odd are right, i just can't get my head around it.

I feel disposable.

I'll read the book recommend. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tootsietwo · 14/06/2023 21:55

SaturdayGiraffe · 14/06/2023 21:54

While sad, perhaps you can take comfort that you had a good friend for 30 years. I’ve not had that, and never will.

That's true, thankyou.

OP posts:
Suckingalemon · 14/06/2023 21:58

I want to end a long term friendship. When we were teens she was always the dominant one, always happy to be the more successful one, always had such great self esteem. The boys loved her.

As we get older I just don't want to live in her shadow anymore, I find her overbearing, and realise that I'm the support act to her starring role. The last couple of times we met I found her loud extraverted behaviour embarrassing, I find some of her parenting style questionable, and realised my kids were having a miserable time trying to get along with hers. I've realised what she does offer is support through difficult times, but that she likes to believe I need her and depend upon her.

Suckingalemon · 14/06/2023 22:00

Posted too soon!!

I'm sorry you're sad OP, is there a chance your friend is trying to place some new boundaries in her life. Like someone else suggested, is she in therapy?

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