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Original poster

Strip do, 9 months pregnant. Am I overreacting?

71 replies

Buttercup199 · 13/06/2023 21:11

First post here, long time mumsnet watcher

My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost two year, I have a 5 year old son who live with us and he has a 9 year old who shares custody with.

This was a planned pregnancy and I’m now due in 18 days.

Bf was invited on a stag do to Benidorm when I was about 4 months, he knew how close it was to due date and I didn’t want him to go. Went and booked flights anyway. Luckily didn’t go into labour early and dismissed the fact that I have a traumatic delivery last time.

I’m usually pretty confident, attractive, happy with myself but obviously really very pregnant now. I didn’t call
or message while he was away. He checked in with me in morning and said he’d be on a flight straight home if anything happened with baby. He was away for three nights

My issue is that he went to a strip club, lied that he walked straight out (after seeing on bank statements, I know this isn’t true). I feel it’s kind of disrespectful when I’m this heavily pregnant and doesn’t make me feel great about myself. Maybe this is my own issue. He insisted he hasn’t done anything wrong and it was just a stag do and the normal. His friend joked infront of me a few weeks a go about brothels and strip clubs and bf told him to stop talking like that in front of me.

I haven’t raised it with him yet, obviously he didn’t walk out and they weren’t all ugly like he said lol. Tempted to get an sti test and we’ve had sex since he’s been back.

No idea how to feel, maybe pregnancy hormones but I don’t usually like this kind of thing anyway due to life experience and past relationships. Friends and family are raising eyebrows why he was in Benidorm when I’m about to drop

Would you be okay with bf or husband in strip club in Benidorm when you are 9 months pregnant?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 13/06/2023 21:13

I wouldn't be ok with my husband in a strip club. Ever. Full stop.

Big red flag.

Daisydu · 13/06/2023 21:14

Wow. No. None of that is ok. Firstly what the fuck is he doing leaving his heavily pregnant partner to go abroad for a few days. Especially when you said you didn’t want him to. Second, the strip club would be the end of any relationship for me. So disrespectful. I guess it depends if you feel it’s a deal breaker or not. But for me it would be.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 13/06/2023 21:15

I wouldn't be happy at any time. Men who go to strip clubs see women as objects, especially if joking about how they are "ugly".

I note he told his friend not to talk about women in a derogatory way because it was IN FRONT OF YOU, not because he found it disrespectful to women.

Also, going away when you are 9months pregnant is a big red flag.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 13/06/2023 21:16

Strip clubs are a total dealbreaker.
Couldn’t be with a misogynystic man, nope, nope, never.

Izzy54321 · 13/06/2023 21:18

Time for a sit down and talk OP tell him you know he didn’t walk out of the strip club. Is he usually a liar and this selfish? Depending on his responses would be my answer to walk away or stay. He definitely has a lot of explaining to do.

LilyPark · 13/06/2023 21:19

I would do a Lorena Bobbitt on him pronto. He deserves it

Original poster
Buttercup199 · 13/06/2023 21:29

He isn’t bad in general. We’ve have a few issues but nothing like this. Glad just glad I’m not going crazy. He didn’t even know the stag that well so completely not reason to go except being selfish, kept myself busy but the whole thing has burst my baby bubble.

I had to Google Lorena Bobbitt 😂

OP posts:
HarpyValley · 13/06/2023 21:31

So he

  • ignored your very valid request not to go, given the stage of your pregnancy by then
  • outright lied to you about when he left the strip club
  • showed disrespect to you and to the women in the club

It’s not great, OP, is it?

Why do so many men start to show their true colours as misogynistic twats when their partners are pregnant?

Naunet · 14/06/2023 09:01

Nope, I wouldn’t be happy about it, and if you’d invited a man around to dance naked for you whilst he was away, I doubt he’d have been ok with that either. On top of that, he lied to your face, possibly very convincingly? That would be an even bigger concern for me.

Valour · 14/06/2023 09:07

The fact that he went abroad when you're about to have a baby is a massive red flag. It's so selfish and uncaring. And then a strip club on top of that- It's so disrespectful and hurtful to you OP. And he'll say something like, everyone else was doing it, all the other wives and girlfriends are okay with it, I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be like this.
All of it is really shit.

BodenCardiganNot · 14/06/2023 09:08

Would you be okay with bf or husband in strip club in Benidorm when you are 9 months pregnant?

No. The question is though, what is your bottom line? You say He isn’t bad in general. We’ve have a few issues but nothing like this. What does that mean?

Imnotahoarderreally · 14/06/2023 09:09

You planned a pregnancy with a man that you had only known for just over a year.
Now you have learned that he is selfish and lies. And will go to a strip club.
I wonder what else you will find out.

No I wouldn’t be happy with a man like yours. However it appalls me how many men are so bloody awful and women just accept it or dump and move on to the next equally awful man.

PlantFood · 14/06/2023 09:09

Lying about it is the worst part and the rest is bad enough.

Hoppinggreen · 14/06/2023 09:11

You being pregnant is irrelevant, it makes it no better or worse.
I would not be happy with my DH going to a strip club under any circumstances

Frogmila · 14/06/2023 09:20

It's a bit trashy isn't it, going to a strip club, spending money then lying even when its easily verifiable. I would be most annoyed about having my intelligence insulted. I personally would have strip clubs as a hard line and my partner knows. However, I'm not sure you're keen to end things over this with the baby and all so I won't push my boundaries on you. What about having a very serious council of war, asking him exactly what went on, expressing that you do not wish to be lied to ever again and if strip clubs are a hard line for you (or if you don't mind him going in on occasion but no dances to be paid for) then agree some boundaries. Do you think he might've had sex? Get a test if so. Explain why strip clubs are unpalatable to you and how you wish to have a partner who is above all that.

Icepinkeskimo · 14/06/2023 09:22

Wow a lot of 'not happy' comments, that isn't helping the op is it?

OP have a talk with him, and tell him how this makes you feel and hopefully sort it out.

Men do go to strip clubs, brothels, and assorted other establishments, and their partners aren't even aware of it until they get caught out. Thats a fact, end of story.

Dacadactyl · 14/06/2023 09:37

Icepinkeskimo · 14/06/2023 09:22

Wow a lot of 'not happy' comments, that isn't helping the op is it?

OP have a talk with him, and tell him how this makes you feel and hopefully sort it out.

Men do go to strip clubs, brothels, and assorted other establishments, and their partners aren't even aware of it until they get caught out. Thats a fact, end of story.

But OP asked us "would you be OK with this?". No point lying by saying "yeah, I'd be over the moon with it!" is there?

No man worth having goes to a strip club or brothel.

Dacadactyl · 14/06/2023 09:38

Plus, OP already told Jim before he went that she wasn't happy with it. He disregarded her feelings, went anyway and then lied about it.

BodenCardiganNot · 14/06/2023 09:54

OP have a talk with him, and tell him how this makes you feel and hopefully sort it out.
She did. She asked him not to go. He went anyway.

disturbingthepeace · 14/06/2023 11:38

Daisydu · 13/06/2023 21:14

Wow. No. None of that is ok. Firstly what the fuck is he doing leaving his heavily pregnant partner to go abroad for a few days. Especially when you said you didn’t want him to. Second, the strip club would be the end of any relationship for me. So disrespectful. I guess it depends if you feel it’s a deal breaker or not. But for me it would be.

This. pregnant or not that would be the end. The fact that you are pregnant though does feel like it makes this whole situation 100 times worse.

What the fuck kind of man leaves his very heavily pregnant wife to go on a stag do abroad and of someone he barely knows! And then goes in a strip club (and brothel by the sounds of it) and then lies about it?

The shitty lowest kind. What a selfish, pathetic excuse of a man.

And the reason it would be the end for me would be because I could never look at him the same again, let alone be intimate with him. So what would be the point? Lets hope he thinks it was worth it, ey?

disturbingthepeace · 14/06/2023 11:42

Fixed it for you:

Shitty, scummy, dishonest Men do go to strip clubs, brothels, and assorted other establishments, and their partners aren't even aware of it until they get caught out. And then wonder why their shitty arse has been kicked out of the house.

Decent, loving and loyal men do not do this.

THAT'S a fact, end of story.

Naunet · 14/06/2023 12:16

Icepinkeskimo · 14/06/2023 09:22

Wow a lot of 'not happy' comments, that isn't helping the op is it?

OP have a talk with him, and tell him how this makes you feel and hopefully sort it out.

Men do go to strip clubs, brothels, and assorted other establishments, and their partners aren't even aware of it until they get caught out. Thats a fact, end of story.

She asked, and no that’s not the end of the story, because there are two people in the relationship. If women in relationships suddenly started openly cheating on me masse, would men be expected to just accept it? Men doing something, doesn’t mean we have to be ok with it. I’m no man’s fucking doormat thanks.

Naunet · 14/06/2023 12:18

*en masse - my autocorrect doesn’t like French I guess!

Juiceboxxy · 14/06/2023 12:23

The going away is the shit bit.

However couldn't get worked up about a strip club on a stag do. People say it's terrible but at the end of the day he's not going to leave his mates and go and sit back in the hotel on his own. The stick he would get for it from his mates would not be worth it.

Naunet · 14/06/2023 12:35

Juiceboxxy · 14/06/2023 12:23

The going away is the shit bit.

However couldn't get worked up about a strip club on a stag do. People say it's terrible but at the end of the day he's not going to leave his mates and go and sit back in the hotel on his own. The stick he would get for it from his mates would not be worth it.

But the upset from his pregnant girlfriend is just fine? 🙄

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