Strip do, 9 months pregnant. Am I overreacting?

[Buttercup199]

First post here, long time mumsnet watcher

My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost two year, I have a 5 year old son who live with us and he has a 9 year old who shares custody with.

This was a planned pregnancy and I’m now due in 18 days.

Bf was invited on a stag do to Benidorm when I was about 4 months, he knew how close it was to due date and I didn’t want him to go. Went and booked flights anyway. Luckily didn’t go into labour early and dismissed the fact that I have a traumatic delivery last time.

I’m usually pretty confident, attractive, happy with myself but obviously really very pregnant now. I didn’t call
or message while he was away. He checked in with me in morning and said he’d be on a flight straight home if anything happened with baby. He was away for three nights

My issue is that he went to a strip club, lied that he walked straight out (after seeing on bank statements, I know this isn’t true). I feel it’s kind of disrespectful when I’m this heavily pregnant and doesn’t make me feel great about myself. Maybe this is my own issue. He insisted he hasn’t done anything wrong and it was just a stag do and the normal. His friend joked infront of me a few weeks a go about brothels and strip clubs and bf told him to stop talking like that in front of me.

I haven’t raised it with him yet, obviously he didn’t walk out and they weren’t all ugly like he said lol. Tempted to get an sti test and we’ve had sex since he’s been back.

No idea how to feel, maybe pregnancy hormones but I don’t usually like this kind of thing anyway due to life experience and past relationships. Friends and family are raising eyebrows why he was in Benidorm when I’m about to drop

Would you be okay with bf or husband in strip club in Benidorm when you are 9 months pregnant?

I’m sorry your DP is such a turd OP.

He left you to go away for a stag he didn’t know that well. He was happy enough to potentially miss your daughter’s birth. For drinking and strippers. You might have had to make your way to hospital in labour without him. Maybe even make your way back home afterwards.

I wouldn’t be able to get over how he didn’t want to be by my side every day as the due date approached. So thoughtless. I bet some of those mates even thought he was an arsehole leaving you for that stag do.

I wish you all the best with the birth and hope you manage to get rid of DP at some point that suits you. 💐

Strip clubs are one of the biggest red flags ever, awful. You need to sit him down and have a serious talk about this.

I don’t think strip clubs are worse when you’re pregnant, either it’s an issue or it’s not and it’s perfectly valid to have an issue with it. I’d probably be more upset he went in the first place tbh. There’s no way my OH would be traveling abroad that close to my due date because he wouldn’t want to risk not being there for me when I needed him, nor would he want to miss the birth of his child.

What's the betting that it's this attitude to how he treats pregnant partners, that contributed to why he split from his first DC's mother?
What is the history there? Did they split soon after birth or even during pregnancy? Do you know her at all or would it be too odd maybe to ask her pov? - I'm sure he has a different explanation from the reality of it.
The going to a strip club, I wouldn't love, but it depends on the circumstances and what occured there, I could deal if just part of the crowd and a watching bystander. However, the going away at all when so near your due date for a person not all that close to, the booking of it behind your back as he knew it was wrong but went ahead anyway, and the changing phone code and calling you his ball and chain, all show what kind of a man he is. Not a man who is good enough for any woman. He will never be good enough for you and your family, he is a complete fail unfortunately.
It's ducks in a row time after your birth, a horrible thing to have to consider when you just want to be surrounded by love and security at that time. However, it's best to create your own security by planning ahead for your DC. Factor him out, I have a notion that he will be standing back and not really very involved when your DD arrives unfortunately.
Meantime, there is a big difference between going to a strip club and having sex with someone else, but if you really think there is a chance that could of happened, then an sti check is wise prior to birth.

When his pregnant girlfriend is being unreasonable, yes.

I worked in a strip club many moons ago. Usually this poor little darling men who were “forced in” or “hated strip clubs” were the most rowdy touchy feely gawking types and the ones most of us would try and avoid.

OP I’m so sorry he’s made you feel like this. He’s shown so much disregard and disrespect for you. Unfortunately so many men show their true colours when they get a woman pregnant because they feel like they have her trapped so she just needs to put up with his behaviour. You sound very strong, keep that. Enjoy your new baby and get a great support network around you in case you do decide to leave later. He’s ruined what should have been one of the happiest moments of your life, arsehole :-( best wishes with the birth

She's not.

He sounds very low quality indeed.

Shes not being unreasonable, unless you think it would have been fine for her to have a guy round whilst he was away to strip naked for her and grind all over her and then lie to his face about it?

No, don't agree with that. You were vulnerable.

Weirdly enough I was in a relatively new relationship with ex and he was on a stag do, fairly drunk, saw someone got hit by a bus and was very upset.

Then the group wanted to go to a stag club and he didn't want to and phoned me in a state of hysteria. I had to calm him down, say he didn't have to go and get him home.

Same

This.

Definitely

Love this

Definitely wouldn't be ok with him going anywhere just before baby came and wouldn't be happy about a strip club full stop.

I don't think now is the time to fall out with him op as you need his help and support but you'll need to have serious conversations about what help you expect and how he needs to put you all first now. Decide what to do about him lying to you etc later.

Good luck with your delivery xxx

Yes if he was reasonable...all of this and changing passwords on phone, calling her a ball and chain... wtf no.
She can be alone, i was a single parent and so glad i was. I loved it.

@Loubelle70 me too from pregnancy, and it's hard! Unless he's abusive or won't take care of her (in which case kick him out and get a family member to come and stay instead) then I'd keep him around to be a waiter and chauffeur and cook for now and get rid of him later

OP must have had her baby months ago.

@Buttercup199 how are things now?

Oh yes good point! Would love an update op

Sorry you are feeling like this and as others have said not right that he went away when you are so close to having your baby. It is also not even a close friend. Most men will go to those places and say they didn't. Why do so many choose to go to Vegas, hardly going for the desert sun. I really don't know what to say to you but I would not be happy at all but just try not to dwell on it and the stag probably had a stag do and they were probably pissed and went back to hotel. Men think different than us and I think I would have given him an ultimatum to not go as baby due or to leave. Talk to him calmly and see what reaction you get from him but try not to let it overshadow the joy of your new baby.

This is quite an old thread and the baby must be about four months old now.