Should I take up his offer?

[ConfusedHarriet]

Can anyone suggest what I should do?

Been seeing a man for 1.5 years. It was never a relationship but we message each other almost every day and fancy each other. When I met him he had recently come out of a 4 year relationship and wasn’t really ready for anything serious.

He offered me a casual relationship but I said no, I wanted to be his girlfriend or nothing. This has been an ongoing discussion for the past year with him not being able to let me go but not committing to me either.

He is also seeing another woman but they haven’t had sex. She has chronic health conditions and sex is an impossibility in her case but they are more than friends.

She’s probably the main reason why we are not in a relationship because I have implied he would have to give her up to be with me.

In November she has taken a project in another country so won’t be around as much.

I have already had children, haven’t had much success with online dating. I would ideally like an exclusive relationship but I don’t have any aim of getting married again or moving a man into my house. My ideal set up would be, see each other 2-3 times a week. Go to the cinema, theatre, plays together. Have a sexual relationship. No combined finances or anything.

I really like this man. He makes me laugh and I enjoy his company.

Should I take up his offer of a non exclusive relationship or not?

You said you wanted to be his girlfriend or nothing. He has said he doesn't want you as a girlfriend.

So you need to go No Contact with him and get back out there. No-one can choose you as a girlfriend while you keep on choosing someone who does not want a girlfriend.

He also sounds like a real user, and if you were on the outside looking in you would see that.

But you aren’t him.

and also, to him, he isn’t leading you on. He is being explicit about the situation.

Your friend is probably even more frustrated by this than we are.

You're not leading him on. He's leading YOU on, and every time he pulls your strings you do the 'pick me' dance and give him the ego trip he's looking for.

For crying out loud.

I would never go for someone who is attached. It’s completely against my beliefs

Your self delusion is staggering.

He constantly tells me he doesn’t fancy her and that it’s doomed.

You know you're either a secret or that he tells her the same about you, right?

Maybe I expect too much, but a few shags and theatre tickets don't really equate to intimacy. And this bloke won't even give you the bare minimum.
I would go look for someone more worthy of my time. (And my body.)

She's so ill she can't have sex but she can go to another country for work?

I was once offered something similar when dating in a FWB situation. I’m glad I said no because it allowed me to meet my lovely DH later on.
Don’t do it. It will give you a heartbreak, and it will prevent you from meeting someone who would be actually happy to be committed to you.