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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Widower and necklace

76 replies

Anon6454 · 09/06/2023 12:06

Just wanting some general advice. Please no negativity or nasty comments!

I have been dating a widower for just over two months now. It's been lovely and he has expressed that he wants to get serious /in a relationship. I would really like this too.

However , I have noticed that he wears a chain around a neck with a ring on. I can't be certain but I am assuming it is the deceased girlfriends ring. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, particularly when we are cuddling and I'm laying my head on his chest.

Do I have any right to bring this up ? Will it end badly if i do ? Am I being stupid ? Should I just say nothing? I dont want to ruin what we have.

Please no negative comments!

OP posts:
Burntouted · 04/12/2023 22:16

Please leave him alone, and perhaps revisit the relationship maybe 3 years or more if he's up to it still.

It's been less than a year. You are a rebound that he is trying to process his emotions, grieve, and fill the difficult void and absence in his life. .and perhaps his child's. The last 6 years or longer, he's had her. He isn't use to being without a woman. That's where you come in.

It was a bad idea knowing all this information to actively pursue him.

It was a terrible disrespectful idea for him to pursue a relationship with a woman right now.. and have this woman of 8 weeks in the house they all shared and lived as a family..I am assuming the child resides there too..but grief is often complex..perhaps he is not aware of the severity of his actions, and he's very vulnerable.

He and his child need time, adjustment, space, healing and perhaps therapy...

It kind of sounds like you may be preying on a very vulnerable man. . and trying to erase his past, in hopes of quickly establishing a future with him.

I mean, it's only been 8 weeks. You barely know him.. but you know enough to not be involved with him now.

You are being totally unreasonable, distasteful and disrespectful. No, don't bring it up. He has a past, he has cherished memories, and his love for her will never be erased. She will remain embodied within him and his child forever.

That is something you will never be able to change, nor should you make demands or question.

Please leave this man alone.

He isn't in a good mental and emotional space and mindfulness currently.

Also, please keep out of his house.

There are billions of single, unattached, emotionally available men who aren't grieving..

Pick one of those...

but please work on yourself, perhaps in therapy..because getting involved with him in the first place, was a terrible idea.

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