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Relationships

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Insane sex drive during ovulation…worried i will cheat!

66 replies

Reba73773 · 04/06/2023 22:09

This may sound dramatic …but it’s really how I feel. Since my periods returned after having my second child I really notice that when I’m ovulating my sex drive goes from reasonably high to pretty much unmanageable. I’ve really never know anything like it before and can only imagine it’s what teenage boys feel like or something …

I don’t usually want to be unfaithful…but for these 4 days or so I feel extremely tempted. Husbands drive is lower at the moment due to general tiredness of children and I think when I’m overly keen it actually puts him off as he feels pressured and he usually likes making the move / isn’t used to me throwing myself at him. It’s hard to describe but I feel like going for a walk so i can find a man to drag into an alleyway…I’m half joking but only half! I also can’t sleep when like this and feel like it’s a deep seated urge.

I’ve discussed our mismatched sex drives with my husband and he suggested an open relationship but it was more of a ‘I’d rather do that than you want to leave’ rather than him actually being excited about the idea and for the rest of the month I can deal with it. I wouldn’t let myself cheat as I hate dishonesty but I’d be lieing if I said I didn’t really, really want to sleep with other people during this phase (which I have told him).

anyone else have this?

OP posts:
Boomshock · 05/06/2023 23:40

@Reba73773
How old is your baby?
You said your husbands drive is lower at the moment due to general tiredness from kids.
Could he be depressed too? It seems strangely passive to agree to an open relationship just so that you won't leave

ArcticSkewer · 06/06/2023 06:38

If he's stopped having sex with you and given you permission to go elsewhere, he really doesn't sound very interested in sex at all.

Would he visit his GP for a check up?

Is he possibly having an affair of his own?

Honestly, I have less and less tolerance for this, and more and more openness to different relationships, as I age. If you want to stay, I would just have a few affairs. Plenty of people do. There's a whole world out there of married people dating other married people, who want to stay with their primary partner even though the sex life between them has stopped. He's agreed to it so it's not as such cheating.

Or go to counselling together?

The one thing I wouldn't do is do nothing and expect things to improve.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 06/06/2023 07:42

Reba73773 · 04/06/2023 23:19

It makes me feel so frustrated not being able to do anything about it …I’m not sure a toy would help. I guess I’m every relationship there will always be one person with the higher sex drive. I just selfishly wish it wasn’t me!

I really don’t understand why you think a toy wouldn’t help?

I am not sure how many people could match the level of horniness you describe and if it’s causing you to think of cheating on your partner who presumably you love and care for, I would say you should be too shopping as a matter of urgency.

Eleganz · 06/06/2023 07:47

Reba73773 · 05/06/2023 23:16

I may not have been very clear in my initial post as some people commented that I may be getting regular sex and just struggling with the 4 days. Since baby 2 we don’t have sex much at all (maybe once per month) and I didn’t mind too much until my hormones went crazy and now I really do mind / find it unbearable on the 4-5 peak days.

i really wouldn’t cheat…but I hate feeling like I want to. It makes me feel trapped as I can’t / don’t want to leave or be unfaithful but I’m feeling really frustrated.

How long ago was baby 2?

What is your husband's work schedule like? How are the kids sleeping?

How is your relationship in general? What led to the point where he proposed you sleeping with other men (even reluctantly), as I can't believe that came out of the blue.

I think you need to be careful here for the sake of your marriage and have another go at discussing this with the aim of understanding him better not just to tell him that you are sexually unfulfilled.

Boomshock · 06/06/2023 15:45

Honestly, I have less and less tolerance for this, and more and more openness to different relationships, as I age. If you want to stay, I would just have a few affairs. Plenty of people do. There's a whole world out there of married people dating other married people, who want to stay with their primary partner even though the sex life between them has stopped. He's agreed to it so it's not as such cheating.

I personally have less tolerance for it as I get older because I think people should be braver and not try to stay in a relationship that can't/won't make them happy.

It's totally different for those who start off as polyamorous etc but for those who do it to try to stay in their current relationship it is generally going to fail, cause a lot of pain along the way and they're going to split in the end anyway or be completely miserable as the existing problems will just get worse.

It's likely that all sex and intimacy within the marriage will die if she sleeps with other people, even if his libido comes back when he's less tired or depressed (if he is depressed). The marriage will be permanently changed so most likely their sex life won't ever resume even though it might have with some patience and waiting for the stressor to pass.

ArcticSkewer · 06/06/2023 16:49

That's literally just life though. Shit happens.

Marriages change. Half end in divorce anyway. Leaving earlier brings its own issues, especially with children involved. Leaving later, just different issues. Not leaving at all, other issues again. In history, plenty of marriages survived without sex being central. It was often outsourced. It's not such a big deal if you choose not to make it one. If he cared that much about sex with her, he would be actually having sex with her.

Boomshock · 06/06/2023 17:00

@ArcticSkewer
It's not just about leaving earlier or later, the best thing for the kids whatever age they're at is to have parents who can co-parent in a civil way, and that's far less likely if they open the relationship and it ends up toxic.

If he cared that much about sex with her, he would be actually having sex with her.

Plenty of people who care about sex and who love sex go through temporary losses of libido due to life stress etc. As you said....that's life, shit happens.

And most of the time with patience and understanding the sex life will resume.

There's no reason to assume that things won't go back to normal in the marriage, so jumping to sleeping with others is a massive risk.

ArcticSkewer · 06/06/2023 18:10

There isn't any particular reason to think that leaving because of a poor sex life is going to be any more or less civil than leaving because one partner found other sex partners and the other partner decided they didn't like that after all.
A man who doesn't like his wife sleeping with other people but also doesn't want to sleep with her himself is hardly reasonable to begin with, but there's nothing to say things would turn toxic.
I've seen plenty of marriages split up. People get toxic over the most stupid of things. That's just their personalities. The ones I know that split after agreeing to open a marriage are by far the most harmonious. The ones that stay together in 'don't ask don't tell' are happy enough bumbling along as well. The nastiest divorces I've seen have been where the man ran off with younger women - that doesn't go down so well.

Op knows her marriage and husband best. If she thinks her sex life with him can be resurrected to something vaguely satisfying to her, then great, wait it out if she wants to. He doesn't sound that invested in changing his libido, that's all. The big clue being agreeing she can sleep with other people rather than him do it. I wouldn't waste my time these days on trying to change someone else's libido.

Boomshock · 06/06/2023 18:30

@ArcticSkewer
There isn't any particular reason to think that leaving because of a poor sex life is going to be any more or less civil than leaving because one partner found other sex partners and the other partner decided they didn't like that after all.

Yes there is. And it wouldn't be just a case of 'deciding they didn't like it. No doubt there would be an incredible amount of hurt and pain and anger.

A man who doesn't like his wife sleeping with other people but also doesn't want to sleep with her himself is hardly reasonable to begin with, but there's nothing to say things would turn toxic.

That's why I asked if he was depressed, he sounds passive and defeated. That's more likely than him being unreasonable.

And saying there's nothing to say things would turn toxic is just ridiculous, there is a very high chance that it would, the vast majority who have successful open relationships say that they only work for specific people with specific relationships and the rest fail catastrophically.

If you ever take a look on reddit at the dead bedrooms sub where people have tried this there's only a very rare person who said it worked for them, everyone else said it was a disaster which magnified their problems further and they regretted them.

Op knows her marriage and husband best. If she thinks her sex life with him can be resurrected to something vaguely satisfying to her, then great, wait it out if she wants to. He doesn't sound that invested in changing his libido, that's all. The big clue being agreeing she can sleep with other people rather than him do it. I wouldn't waste my time these days on trying to change someone else's libido.

OP said she has never been like this before. So her having this kind of libido is new. Her husband is possibly depressed, or just exhausted with the kids.

OPs libido changed. And OPs libido could possibly change again in a few months for all she knows.

Seriously79 · 06/06/2023 18:35

I'd like some of what she's got.

Enjoy it while you can OP 😉

Boomshock · 06/06/2023 18:37

@ArcticSkewer
You seem to be ignoring that this is all so new and pushing the idea of the open relationship, even though the OP is uncharacteristically horny at the moment (which may not last at all)....and we all know that being crazy horny can lead to poor decisions.

An open relationship is something that there can be no coming back from so she would have to be 100% sure that she is willing to risk her marriage.

jackstini · 06/06/2023 18:40

Can you masterbate or use toys while he holds/kisses you to get the intimacy?

We rarely use toys when we're alone; it's much more part of our sex life together - especially if one of us is feeling hornier than the other

motherofbantams · 06/06/2023 19:23

Third trimester pregnant and all over my hubby! Not sure I could take anything to calm it down so he will just have to put up with it!

Swinglower · 06/06/2023 22:40

I didn’t want anything to do with DH until the final week of the third trimester then a switch flipped and I couldn’t get enough! Poor guy couldn’t keep up

Siameasy · 06/06/2023 22:49

You must be peri
Im the same! Was the same during pregnancy and DH refused me ffs
I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else but I scratch the itch by flirting a lot

Swinglower · 06/06/2023 22:52

At that point nothing fully scratched the itch! DH was just happy to get some initially

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