Insane sex drive during ovulation…worried i will cheat!

[Reba73773]

This may sound dramatic …but it’s really how I feel. Since my periods returned after having my second child I really notice that when I’m ovulating my sex drive goes from reasonably high to pretty much unmanageable. I’ve really never know anything like it before and can only imagine it’s what teenage boys feel like or something …

I don’t usually want to be unfaithful…but for these 4 days or so I feel extremely tempted. Husbands drive is lower at the moment due to general tiredness of children and I think when I’m overly keen it actually puts him off as he feels pressured and he usually likes making the move / isn’t used to me throwing myself at him. It’s hard to describe but I feel like going for a walk so i can find a man to drag into an alleyway…I’m half joking but only half! I also can’t sleep when like this and feel like it’s a deep seated urge.

I’ve discussed our mismatched sex drives with my husband and he suggested an open relationship but it was more of a ‘I’d rather do that than you want to leave’ rather than him actually being excited about the idea and for the rest of the month I can deal with it. I wouldn’t let myself cheat as I hate dishonesty but I’d be lieing if I said I didn’t really, really want to sleep with other people during this phase (which I have told him).

anyone else have this?

Yes, I'd never really noticed it before but since turning 40 and having a 8yo and finally-better-sleeping 3yo, I've noticed that I'm incredibly horny like 2 days out the month. I have had some very weird crushes and fantasies about neighbours/colleagues that I would NEVER normally be attracted to...

Luckily I have no desire to act on it, and a fully relieved receptive DH when I am in the mood.

What I would say is the early years can be so brutal and all consuming, just be patient with each other and you will come out the other side.

Yes, but my partner was happy to oblige. I can imagine your misery!
You could try a mirena coil, it's supposed to kill libido stone dead.

Yes I'm exactly the same, my partner has a high sex drive but he gets tired of me especially from end of period to around day 16!!
I went to the gp about this, she said it was normal! I'm now trying some hormone balance supplements to see if I can balance things out a bit.
I can definitely relate, I feel like a horny teenage boy. I could have sex 3 times a day plus and still want more.

Unfortunately it hasn't dampened down my drive. I wouldn't say mine was crazy high like you describe but definitely higher than DPs and it's causing issues

Same here since my late 30s (now 40). Except it’s for 2 weeks instead of a few days. My DH has a lower drive too and it drives me insane.

How about getting a toy?

I have a much higher libido than my husband, meaning that 90% of the time I'm incredibly frustrated. It is worse at certain times of the month though. I've tried all sorts to try to dampen it. I have the mirena coil and am on antidepressants to try to cope with the way I feel. They help slightly but not enough for me not to still feel like you describe. Including very weird crushes/ dreams. I don't know what the answer is but I know how you feel. I keep hoping menopause will kill my sex drive... 42 and its been like this for at least the last 15 years 😔

It makes me feel so frustrated not being able to do anything about it …I’m not sure a toy would help. I guess I’m every relationship there will always be one person with the higher sex drive. I just selfishly wish it wasn’t me!

This kind of comes across as a bit disingenuous. What do you think women who aren't in relationships and who don't have casual sex or fuck buddies do when they get that horny?

Toys can be amazing. You don't just have to lie still on your back with one. There's ones you can grind one, ones you can do whatever on. You can just 2 or 3 at a time if you want. Get some peace and quiet (that's probably the hard part) and have fun.
Get a fantasy going in your head that someone is using the toys on you or telling you how to use them while using them and that helps it to feel less like using a toy on yourself.

I think it's shocking that you've told your husband that you really really want to sleep with others during this phase, and that you haven't tried toys to scratch the itch instead.

@Boomshock But being this horny can drive you crazy and not being able to have sex with your partner can be soul destroying! Toys, while pleasurable, aren’t the same as having intimacy and that skin on skin touch with another human being.

My partner and I are, luckily, quite well matched with our sex drives. At the start of the relationship I had a much higher drive than him but over the years his has increased to just slightly lower than mine.

OP, would your husband be willing to participate in other things if he wasn’t in the mood for sex, while you’re at your horniest (ovulation). Such as oral sex, using his fingers on you or even using toys on you or touching/kissing you or your breasts/neck etc while you use toys on yourself?
This could be a compromise if he wasn’t in the mood for penetrative sex and save the need for an open marriage. He might even get aroused some of the time from this for sex or mutual masturbation.

Recommend getting a fantasy relationship going and invest some time alone in the house to explore yourself!

You can do things in your fantasy that you don't even really want in real life, and let your libido go utterly wild for an hour or two.

There was a thread a while ago about maladaptive day dreaming where a poster described a long running fantasy relationship which had gone on for years. She had moved house, got pets, been on holiday, all with the same famous man.

I have invested some time in my own one for a few years now and can say my sex life with DH has improved massively because of it, I'm much more relaxed with him as feel like my fantasy meets a lot of my needs, DH can then contibute when he's in the mood and the pressure is off iyswim.

He doesn't know btw, I think it would be cruel for me to bring it up. I will always be faithful in real life, an affair sounds exhausting as hell and frankly I'd get pissed off having yet another person in my life who I had to be mindful of / wanted something from me.

Like many women, the choice isn't between two men but living with a man vs being free and never doing anyone's dishes / listening to their work drama /picking up their disgusting socks ever again..

Fantasy partner has no such limitations and worships the ground I walk on 🤣

@Moro93
But she was just instantly dismissive of the idea, which is ridiculous if she's so horny that she's worried she'll cheat. As I said, what does she think single women do in this situation?

And yes I know it's not a substitute for skin on skin contact, but she gets that at other times, it's just a couple of days of the month that she struggles with.

@Boomshock But she also didn’t say how often they are having sex or having that kind of intimacy. And the couple of days a month is when she’ll be wanting it the most, which is why I suggested him participating in other things on those days as a compromise.

Women that aren’t in relationships will probably masturbate/use toys a lot yes, but these days a lot will also use apps for random hookups or have one night stands.

And I think sometimes people are horny not just for sex but because you’re also craving that intimacy and closeness with your partner, single women don’t feel that urgency if they have no partner.

@Moro93 I agree she could ask if he's interested in participating in other things, but maybe he won't be. Many people have a sex life with their partner and also have a sex life with themselves when their partner isn't the mood.

Women that aren’t in relationships will probably masturbate/use toys a lot yes, but these days a lot will also use apps for random hookups or have one night stands.

Yes I know. In my first response I asked "What do you think women who aren't in relationships and who don't have casual sex or fuck buddies do when they get that horny?" because I am aware that some will have random hook ups....but many single women don't have random hook ups no matter how horny they get. None of my friends do.

And I think sometimes people are horny not just for sex but because you’re also craving that intimacy and closeness with your partner, single women don’t feel that urgency if they have no partner.

No but they also are more likely to have a long term 'skin hunger' from lack of touch so one isn't necessarily harder or easier than the other.

Either way I still think it's shocking to tell her partner she really wanted to sleep with others during that phase without at least trying toys. That must have felt incredibly hurtful.

If a man got particularly horny around a certain time and I didn't want sex and he told me he really wanted to sleep with others I would be devastated, I would also think it was very manipulative.

I can't believe how instantly dismissive you are of toys. As a pp says: You are getting regular loving satisfying sex all throughout the month, so it's not like it's a lack of intimacy or lack of skin-2-skin over these couple of days that is missing. Maybe you should consider deeper what is really going on here?

Yeah. Have a wank or 3.

We (quite rightly) expect men to deal with this at times in relationships and wouldn't accept a man saying he was tempted to cheat on his partner with small children because he was feeling really horny.

Sorry, OP, find other outlets for this and really think about how you are treating your husband here. I wouldn't want sex with someone that was saying they wanted to cheat on me and put pressure on me when they were horny.

Agree with this.

I doubt 3 would be enough. Would it, op?

For me, at ita worst, definitely wouldn't get anywhere near scratching that itch. Not would toys.

All the posts we see on here about abusive husbands and terrible boyfriends and we get someone wanting an open marriage and to shag around in a good marriage for the sake of being unable to control their libido for a couple of days a month, beggars belief. Go ahead and do it, and maybe the husband will find someone else permanently.

But being this horny can drive you crazy and not being able to have sex with your partner can be soul destroying! Toys, while pleasurable, aren’t the same as having intimacy and that skin on skin touch with another human being.

Trying to imagine the reaction to a man posting this while complaining about the lack of sex with his partner...

Are you looking for validation for a decision to cheat, OP? Have you got someone lined up? If you choose to have sex with someone else, that’s a decision you make with your brain, and can’t be blamed on your fiery loins - they can’t make you do anything. So there is no excuse.

Either take care of yourself, or tell your partner that sex isn’t working for you anymore and you’re ending the relationship. Then go and find someone who satisfies you.

You can’t just shag someone else and blame it on your hormones and expect that to be okay.

Personally I'd be delighted to feel this horny and would be on the internet buying toys as we speak. No libido at all any more since menopause 😭

Exactly this.

Seems like double standards.

If a man posted on here to say he was basically tempted to cheat as his wife's sex drive didn't match his he would be told to go sort himself out in the shower, make sure he was taking on some of the practical load around the house, and get over himself.

So I'm gonna give you the same advice OP.