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Original poster

Insane sex drive during ovulation…worried i will cheat!

66 replies

Reba73773 · 04/06/2023 22:09

This may sound dramatic …but it’s really how I feel. Since my periods returned after having my second child I really notice that when I’m ovulating my sex drive goes from reasonably high to pretty much unmanageable. I’ve really never know anything like it before and can only imagine it’s what teenage boys feel like or something …

I don’t usually want to be unfaithful…but for these 4 days or so I feel extremely tempted. Husbands drive is lower at the moment due to general tiredness of children and I think when I’m overly keen it actually puts him off as he feels pressured and he usually likes making the move / isn’t used to me throwing myself at him. It’s hard to describe but I feel like going for a walk so i can find a man to drag into an alleyway…I’m half joking but only half! I also can’t sleep when like this and feel like it’s a deep seated urge.

I’ve discussed our mismatched sex drives with my husband and he suggested an open relationship but it was more of a ‘I’d rather do that than you want to leave’ rather than him actually being excited about the idea and for the rest of the month I can deal with it. I wouldn’t let myself cheat as I hate dishonesty but I’d be lieing if I said I didn’t really, really want to sleep with other people during this phase (which I have told him).

anyone else have this?

OP posts:

baileys6904 · 05/06/2023 09:19

As someone else posted, imagine if this were a bloke posting.....
They'd get their arse handed them on a plate.

Buy a vibrator, have a wank, hump a pillow, there's many other options that don't include cheating on your husband

Leah5678 · 05/06/2023 09:26

Masturbate.

honeyy123 · 05/06/2023 09:34

Leah5678 · 05/06/2023 09:26

Masturbate.

I was just gonna say this masturbate cheating should never be an option

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 05/06/2023 13:11

If a guy posted this all hell would break loose!

ArcticSkewer · 05/06/2023 13:47

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 05/06/2023 13:11

If a guy posted this all hell would break loose!

I dunno, if he posted it on a male dominated forum he'd probably get a fair bit of sympathy. Not much here on a female dominated forum for a female poster.

She says she won't be deceptive. She has permission to open the marriage. Her dh isn't that interested in sex if he isn't the one initiating.

I feel for her tbh, but then I would open up the marriage if he wasn't going to step up. Life is too short for mismatched libidos

JoanThursday1972 · 05/06/2023 14:03

What a disgrace!

Boomshock · 05/06/2023 14:53

ArcticSkewer · 05/06/2023 13:47

I dunno, if he posted it on a male dominated forum he'd probably get a fair bit of sympathy. Not much here on a female dominated forum for a female poster.

She says she won't be deceptive. She has permission to open the marriage. Her dh isn't that interested in sex if he isn't the one initiating.

I feel for her tbh, but then I would open up the marriage if he wasn't going to step up. Life is too short for mismatched libidos

Show quote history

Life's too short for most 'open marriages'.

Most fail, so the couple would have been better off splitting in the first place rather than go down the open relationship route and have to endure the pain etc that tends to come with it and then split down the road.

This is also new for OP, she said she has never known anything like it before, for all she knows the hormones could settle down in a few months, so it's a huge risk to take that could change her marriage forever more or ruin it entirely.

Boomshock · 05/06/2023 14:57

I dunno, if he posted it on a male dominated forum he'd probably get a fair bit of sympathy. Not much here on a female dominated forum for a female poster.

Also @ArcticSkewer he might get some sympathy but also a lot telling him to get a grip.

And if a man posted on a male dominated forum from the OPs husbands perspective he'd get a few to say to man up and have sex with her, but a lot of responses saying to cut her loose so she could get all the dick she wants.

People complain about women hating men on mumsnet, but have you ever see the hatred directed at women on male dominated forums?? 😳

Always4Brenner · 05/06/2023 14:59

ArcticSkewer · 04/06/2023 22:19

Yes, but my partner was happy to oblige. I can imagine your misery!
You could try a mirena coil, it's supposed to kill libido stone dead.

It will with the pain you suffer.

happylittletree · 05/06/2023 15:05

I had one of these fitted recently. Can confirm that it has not affected my (high) sex drive... though I am happy with this!

JaneyGee · 05/06/2023 15:51

This thread is actually quite sad. Hopefully, as medical science advances, we'll find ways to both ramp up and dampen down libido. Mismatched libidos cause enormous misery and pain. At best it means resentment and frustration. At worst, the horny partner goes off and cheats. That in turn means a heartbroken partner, possible relationship breakdown, hurt children, and a financial mess. Not to mention the self-loathing.

CornedBeef451 · 05/06/2023 16:09

@Mrsmillshorse I have a long term relationship that exists entirely in my mind too!

Since I turned 40 and started having regular periods for the first time in my life I have found my libido a bit of an issue around ovulation.

Me and DH do not have sex for a variety of reasons so it is rather frustrating. I'm just relieved he has started going to the office 3 days a week so I can have some time to myself!

Moro93 · 05/06/2023 16:18

JaneyGee · 05/06/2023 15:51

I agree with this completely!

Life is far too short for mismatched libidos. If you’ve tried solutions and it’s still not working then you’re probably not with the right partner. Which can be difficult if you love them/have kids. But for some people sex isn’t a big deal and they can take it or leave it, but it’s very important to some people and that shouldn’t be dismissed.

And to all the ones saying if it was a man who posted this, yes he would get shit because this forum is female dominated! I don’t automatically think every man who complains about a lack of sex is a sex pest! It’s a basic human urge. There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex. As long as you aren’t pressuring your partner obviously.

Also, men don’t have the same surge of hormones that women do during ovulation so some of these points are redundant.

Swinglower · 05/06/2023 16:19

even If he says he’s okay with an open relationship he will inevitably be jealous which will cause more problems.

I have been in a similar position where it lead to me cheating and feel nothing but guilt.

Moro93 · 05/06/2023 16:21

I find it quite depressing that there are women commenting on here saying they hope their libido disappears with menopause. Why wish something away that is a perfectly natural human want because your partner isn’t interested. No one can try and say this isn’t sad…

Also, a lot of women are willing to give their partners hand jobs/bjs or participate if they aren’t able to have penetrative sex for whatever reason. Why is it ridiculous to suggest that a man could do the same?

mintbiscuit · 05/06/2023 16:24

I so wish I had this problem…

Swinglower · 05/06/2023 16:30

Completely agree there!

shouldn’t be one rule for one. Totally double standards

Boomshock · 05/06/2023 17:01

Moro93 · 05/06/2023 16:21

It's absolutely fine to ask if he would be willing to participate, but that doesn't mean he should feel obligated to if he doesn't want to.

I can't think of anything worse than having someone get involved if they didn't want to. It's completely different if they're ok with it and like to be involved.

Moro93 · 05/06/2023 17:05

Boomshock · 05/06/2023 17:01

It's absolutely fine to ask if he would be willing to participate, but that doesn't mean he should feel obligated to if he doesn't want to.

I can't think of anything worse than having someone get involved if they didn't want to. It's completely different if they're ok with it and like to be involved.

Show quote history

I agree, it would be a turn off if the person was forcing themselves to participate if they didn’t want to.

But, realistically, if he didn’t want to then should they really be together?

Moro93 · 05/06/2023 17:06

Boomshock · 05/06/2023 17:01

It's absolutely fine to ask if he would be willing to participate, but that doesn't mean he should feel obligated to if he doesn't want to.

I can't think of anything worse than having someone get involved if they didn't want to. It's completely different if they're ok with it and like to be involved.

Show quote history

And I didn’t mean that he should feel obligated, just that it’s something she could suggest to him and see if was open to it.

Swinglower · 05/06/2023 17:16

Moro93 · 05/06/2023 17:06

And I didn’t mean that he should feel obligated, just that it’s something she could suggest to him and see if was open to it.

Show quote history

I’m sure most guys would jump at the opportunity they normally don’t even need asking

Boomshock · 05/06/2023 17:21

@Moro93

But, realistically, if he didn’t want to then should they really be together?

Well I personally would need a man who would want to and who enjoyed it! Not all the time of course, but that's an aspect of a sexual relationship that I enjoy because it feels more vulnerable in some ways!

If they shouldn't be together then they shouldn't be together. I don't really get why people try open relationships so that they can stay with someone they shouldn't really be with. Especially when open relationship have a high failure and disaster rate!

And I didn’t mean that he should feel obligated, just that it’s something she could suggest to him and see if was open to it.

Yes for sure. It would be strange if they hadn't discussed it but then the OP also dismissed toys right off the bat too so it's hard to know!

Original poster

Reba73773 · 05/06/2023 23:16

I may not have been very clear in my initial post as some people commented that I may be getting regular sex and just struggling with the 4 days. Since baby 2 we don’t have sex much at all (maybe once per month) and I didn’t mind too much until my hormones went crazy and now I really do mind / find it unbearable on the 4-5 peak days.

i really wouldn’t cheat…but I hate feeling like I want to. It makes me feel trapped as I can’t / don’t want to leave or be unfaithful but I’m feeling really frustrated.

OP posts:

Original poster

Reba73773 · 05/06/2023 23:17

Toys to me feels functional…I can get off very quickly from masturbation alone but it doesn’t seem to help I think it’s a longing for intimacy / desire

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2023 23:37

Reba73773 · 04/06/2023 23:19

It makes me feel so frustrated not being able to do anything about it …I’m not sure a toy would help. I guess I’m every relationship there will always be one person with the higher sex drive. I just selfishly wish it wasn’t me!

Have you tried just going off and masturbating? Esp if he knows how you feel its easier to tell him you're just going for a little lie down and he'll know what you're doing and you can go off and sort yourself out

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