Comment from my partner

[scaredysquiggle]

Hi,

I'd appreciate come perspective and I'm prepared to be told I'm in the wrong.

Today is the anniversary of my mothers death. She died unexpectedly at the age of 59 a few years ago. My dad has since died too and I'm also without siblings (my brother died a few years ago of cancer).

I mentioned it to my OH this morning when we woke up and we have gone about our day but I will admit I've been distracted. We've still done the shopping, had lunch together, he's tidying up the garage and I've been out to offer drinks and have stayed for an hour helping - maybe a bit useless at times.

After we'd had lunch (he made a nice salad), I'd sent him some links to a hobby he has which I thought would interest him (mentioning this as evidence I've not been sat crying in a corner). I've also cleaned the bathrooms, sorted all the recycling and done the laundry.

He then told me that he feels alone when "I'm like this" he said "he understands there's good reason and there always is but never the less he feels like he loses me and that he's on how own". I was a bit stunned to be honest and said I understand your point but can we not talk about it today when I'm feeling the loss of my mum so much. He said ok but he felt he should be allowed to tell me how he was feeling. I said that I felt guilty about grieving and I was finding today difficult enough to navigate without that added strain.

Things are now even more strained and the atmosphere between us is pretty bad.

Wise words please 🙏

Horrid horrid person. Go and don’t look back.

In a couple of months you will be glad he finished with you. He wasn't a keeper. Hold your head high

He sounds very intense, like an angsty teen in their first relationship. Demanding also.

Only you can decide if his good points outweigh that, as he won't change.
I'm sorry you've had a tough day and hope you've managed to get a little headspace to remember your mum and that the memories brought you peace.💐

So it sounds like you've actually been very nice and quite attentive to him on a day when you could've, quite understandably, been in bed crying all day.

He sounds like a baby who wants all of your undivided attention and sulks and moans when he doesn't get it. I'm getting the Ick just reading your posts!

Oh good grief, just read your update - what an absolute bellend!

I bet he'll "give you another chance" though - he's trying to train you to make him the centre of your world. Bad Op for being a bit sad on the anniversary of your dms death!

I'm so so sorry you're going through this!!!!!
It's almost like he was picking a fight so that he could blame you and have an excuse to walk away.
You don't deserve to be treated like this, you deserve someone who is kind to you and treats you with compassion when you have sad or worried moments. That story about when you were tile shopping sums him up entirely. He is NOT the man to grow old with, this will hurt so much now but you are better off without this areshole in your life.

Ps next time you have a grief anniversary could you ask friends in advance for company or support xxx

Ps very different context, but my baby's father was a bit like him - totally adored me for the first year and then started to change, couldn't tolerate me being anything other than upbeat and positive, I regularly said the words 'I'm a human being not a robot' to him, I thought the hormonal emotions and physical discomfort that comes with pregnancy were all in my head and blamed me for not trying hard enough. So mean!!! Neither of us deserve to pour love into unkind and selfish men like these x

Also I'm so sorry about your mum and know that she's probably the person you wish you could see now, I hope you have a lovely friend that you can call xx

No he shouldn’t say anything today. Tomorrow yes but today no. Op’s Mum died at a young 59 so today is about op, not him.

So sorry OP - he really doesn't deserve you.
Do you have somewhere to go? I hope you can disentangle your lives without too much upheaval.

Good grief. What a self centered attention seeker he is. You are not allowed to even grieve your parent, or to be distracted from picking tiles when the school calls to say your kid seems to be missing!

He sounds like a big man baby who needed all your attention. Gets jealous when you show interest in the slightest thing that isn't him.
Emotionally, you are required by him to always be fine and available to help him cope, but never the other way around.

He's timed this to create the maximum distraction to compete for attention with your dead mother.

No OP he wasn't there for you today.
Utter prick,go and don't look back.

Yup I mean, what's the point of having a partner if they're not there for you to support you in hard times

He's a complete and utterly that and he's done you a massive favour. Don't let him worm his way back in. He doesn't deserve you and you definitely don't deserve to be treated this way.

So very sorry for your losses.

Hopefully he's heading back to the cunt farm, it's clearly missing him.

I never cease to be astounded at these utterly selfish men, you're better without him and deserve age better.

In a few days time he'll probably apologise but you need to remember he chose today to end the relationship when you needed him to be there for you. Stay angry with him.

Thank you.

I'm with a friend as my ex has our kids this weekend. I will come back and read this thread for when he gets back in touch.

Selfish, self-obsessed cunt. Jesus. He’s a tot joke.

@scaredysquiggle

My friend and I have a running joke about how many times men say, “but what about meee?”
We text each other every time we hear it.

I miss my mum too.

@scaredysquiggle I'm sorry about your Mum & Dad, they were both wayyyy too young 💐

your 'Ex' was an utter Cunt & you're better off without him, but, of course it's hard to see that today!!!

what's your housing situation? Why did you leave, not him??

He’s a sinister controlling bastard.

You’re well rid.

when I got back from my volunteering commitment at lunchtime he was in a bad mood as he'd been doing chores which he resented. We argued and didn't celebrate my birthday at all really.

Does he expect you to be a skivvy? That would put me right off. As well as not making your birthday a special day.

He sounds selfish.

No doubt you are going to be sad and there will be tears, that's natural.
I would bet my life on the fact that before too long he's going to want to talk and once he's made you understand that you are in the wrong,and it was your behaviour that made him feel rejected he will want to get back together.
The fact that you couldn't get hold of your daughter, and she wasn't registered in class meant nothing to him, other than you were distracted and wasn't fully focussed on him and his bathroom tiles ffs.. A decent man who really cared would have shown you some support , not irritation that your focus was elsewhere . That's esp true for today/ yesterday, you have every right to feel sad, it's not your job to be keep him happy 24/7. What a knob!!
He sounds completely self absorbed and very immature . He's done you a big favour. It sounds like you go above and beyond to accommodate him. Stop that . He wants your relationship to be over, you make sure it stays that way. Leave the man baby to it .

I think it's obvious why he's not with the mother of his kids.

Selfish, self absorbed, unreasonable manchild.