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Original poster

TW (suicide/OD) - how many people do you know who have died?

76 replies

Whichwhatnow · 02/06/2023 09:47

Didn't really know where to put this. I'm just wondering if I and my social group are anomalies in the amount of peers who have either killed themselves, OD'd or died of addiction issues? I've averaged at least two a year since I was 16 (now 38) and have had two suicides of good friends in just the last week. In one case the partner of the guy who died by suicide lost her partner in exactly the same way two years ago, leaving her with two toddlers in her early twenties. This is fucked up isn't it? The other suicide was my sister's ex, and she already lost her fiance to addiction issues a few years ago when pregnant. I feel like I have more dead friends than alive. Is anyone's else's social circle like this or is mine particularly toxic??

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 02/06/2023 11:51

So sorry to everyone who's experienced similar. It's fucked up and so tragic. And I feel so desensitised at this point which I find upsets me more than anything - I should care, particularly about close friends and family members but most of the time it's just... another funeral to get through.

Sorry, quite sad today.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 02/06/2023 12:02

No, that is not normal OP. I've only known one person who hung themselves in their early twenties. He had apparently found his own Dad hung when he returned home from school when he was 13. My sister dated him for a while. My Foster son's biological mother took an overdose in March this year. Others who I know have died have died from natural causes such as car accident, illness or old age.

elliejjtiny · 02/06/2023 12:07

So sorry for your losses. 3 people I knew from school took their own lives and my fil and son attempted suicide but thankfully survived although ds very nearly didn't.

RuthW · 02/06/2023 12:16

None in my whole life. A few through work, maybe 5 a year.

My2pence2day · 02/06/2023 12:18

42 yo. I know 4. All I would consider close. One an aunt, one older cousin, one younger cousin and one a friend. All very different situations. The last 3 have been fairly recently.

Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 02/06/2023 12:19

Thank you everyone.

In the last few years I've had:

BIL/ex BIL x 2
5 friends by OD or alcoholism
7 friends by suicide
3 friends unknown - eg jumping off a building when so full of drugs there's no way of telling if it's deliberate.

Then there's shit tons more beyond five or so years ago. Seems to be getting worse as people head toward middle age.

Fucking hell, this song just came on randomly on my YouTube and it's very apt - the list of people lost is indeed too long. Sorry for the self pity, it's just a shit day today

Sad But True - Transplants

Download: http://smarturl.it/transplantslpSad But TrueTransplantsTransplants [2002]Hellcat Recordshttp://www.thetransplants.comhttp://www.facebook.com/transp...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AphuDGxFZDo

OP posts:
mindutopia · 02/06/2023 12:20

I think I've probably had 5 friends who have died since I was an adult - 3 from cancer or cancer related causes (one got sepsis after cancer surgery), one was sadly hit by a car, another OD'd. I lost 2 friends to menigitis when I was a child, but not sure that counts.

I think your experience is unusual, but I don't think it's unusual to have traumatic experiences happen across a circle of friends or acquaintances, or amongst people who have had lives that are more difficult than others. It sounds like many of your friends have had quite a tough time, and it makes sense that there is more addiction, mental health struggles, illness. I'm really sorry for all your losses.

My2pence2day · 02/06/2023 12:22

I've just remembered, someone from high school and someone at work. Both I didn't know, but I remember them.

Sometimes I find it helpful to have a moment and wallow in the sadness, rather than push past it. Sending you love OP Flowers

Isthatascratchonmygrandmother · 02/06/2023 12:24

Mine is. Once a month I wake up and think who's it gonna be this time.

WoofWoofBeachLife · 02/06/2023 12:25

My Sister died 10 years ago this July by overdose. She was 53 and I was 41. I don't know anyone else personally. I'm so sorry for your losses OP. I had support from a local charity and at that time there were so many young people giving up on life. X

MissWired · 02/06/2023 12:39

Two - one was a bloke I worked with years ago who suddenly hanged himself at the age of 36 with no explanation left behind to his wife and kids as to why he did it.

The other was an addict who drank himself to death at 26.

Soubriquet · 02/06/2023 12:42

One..and a bit.

My grandads sister Nancy, I didn’t know her, and my cousin Scott. Him I did know. He was found by his younger brother unfortunately

My2pence2day · 02/06/2023 12:43

MissWired · 02/06/2023 12:39

Two - one was a bloke I worked with years ago who suddenly hanged himself at the age of 36 with no explanation left behind to his wife and kids as to why he did it.

The other was an addict who drank himself to death at 26.

Why do you feel the need to describe it in that way. You really shouldn't as it is really harmful to people who have lost others in that way or have witnessed it themselves. I hope you think about this and be more mindful in the future that your words can be harmful

Fraaahnces · 02/06/2023 12:47

I’m sorry you’ve had all that tragedy around you. I think your social circle potentially contains more than average numbers of people with addiction and MH issues. Perhaps it is due to the demographics of your environment. Perhaps it is because you have all “trauma bonded” as a result of having similar issues and it has become your “normal.” I think you would benefit from some intense counselling. Your lack of response may well be a coping-mechanism and you are suppressing your emotions. That rarely works out well.

Phos · 02/06/2023 12:51

No-one in my "peer group" as I would understand it i.e. friends around the same age. A cousin by marriage took her own life during (and as a direct result of) lockdown and my uncle due to the CMA issues in the early 90s but both were much much older than me.

INeedAnotherName · 02/06/2023 12:55

I only know of one person but didn't actually know them. He was a neighbour on MILs street. That's it and I'm nearing 60yrs.

Know of three others who tried but are still here.

I'm sorry for all your losses, it must be so hard to lose that many Flowers

Monkmeister · 02/06/2023 13:04

2 suicides. Both when we were in our twenties. Both male. Both completely unexpected.

idrinkandiknowthings · 02/06/2023 13:12

I work in criminal defence and many of our clients have either overdosed accidentally or committed suicide.

On a painful personal note, my younger sister was a heroin addict. She managed to get herself clean and had secured a Prince's Trust grant to become a mobile hairdresser when she tried some methadone and it killed her in her sleep. She was only 20.

Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 02/06/2023 13:16

My2pence2day · 02/06/2023 12:43

Why do you feel the need to describe it in that way. You really shouldn't as it is really harmful to people who have lost others in that way or have witnessed it themselves. I hope you think about this and be more mindful in the future that your words can be harmful

Show quote history

I don't know which of the PP's bereavements you're talking about but I didn't see what she said wrong? One of my friends had a lovely Christmas with his fiancee and kids, complete with happy FB posts and declarations of happiness. Then hanged himself on Boxing Day with no indication of why. None of us had any idea. Other friends have absolutely drunk themselves to death or accidentally OD'd on heroin. It's just factual to say what happened.

OP posts:
thewillowbunnies · 02/06/2023 13:19

My boyfriend at uni killed himself - gassed in a car.
Then I found out my A level teacher did the same - jumped off a bridge.
My grandma hung herself
A neighbour took an overdose.

There is never anything that is worth taking a permanent decision over.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 02/06/2023 13:50

2, my cousin and a work colleague.

Two of the nicest and genuine guys you coud ever meet. Really decent and very alike, perhaps just coincidentally.

My cousin went into a downward spiral after a traumatic event - ended up turning to drink, marraige broken down, job lost etc - in engaged with services, got sober, had a new job, house etc. Ex wife, family, everyone supportive but he was just tortured and haunted by what happened (none of which was his fault).

Work colleague, I don't know as much and on the surface, no one knew he was struggling at all. He was a fantastic person and such a great loss too.

Fortunately, I know another who reached out after a suicide attempt & was found on time & has done extremely well since after a lot of treatment. I was almost a stranger to this person but they called me when doing it for the most bizarre reason & thankfully emergency services got there on time.

I've posted this before but Ohana do a free, online suicide prevention course. It's less than a half hour to do. I found it useful. https://www.ohana.ie/

Ohana

https://www.ohana.ie

Bowbowbo · 02/06/2023 13:52

This must be very hard to deal with, I’m so sorry for your losses. I had one BIL die by suicide 20 years ago and a SIL by alcohol 5 years ago. The pain of both reverberates to this day.

So I think your high rate is very unusual/fucked up. Is it common in the area where you live? Have you considered moving away to start again in new friendship groups? Obviously with family you can’t ever get away…

MMMarmite · 02/06/2023 13:56

I think you are very unlucky OP, and as a previous poster said, these events can cluster together due to a variety of factors. I'm sorry for what you've been through.

I'm mid 30s. I only know one person who died in this way, a school classmate who I wasn't very close to. In my peer group I've lost two good friends suddenly to health issues.

GreenMarigold · 02/06/2023 13:56

None that I knew personally. A friend’s husband died by suicide a few years ago but I had never met him. So very sad for everyone involved though.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 02/06/2023 13:58

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 02/06/2023 09:49

I'm sorry that you have experienced so many losses. I do not think your experience is typical. Hope you are OK.

I agree.

I am so sorry for your losses.

Im early thirties and know one people who has died by suicide. More friends / acquaintances have died from cancer to be honest - probably half a dozen, though (thanks be to god) no close friends.