Did it work out for you as a stay at home mum - do you regret leaving work? OR Are you a career woman & happy?

[Uktousa2022]

With a culture of woman need to be dominant and have there own career, but on the flip side I have seen videos on feminine/masculine energy (the man is the leader who goes out to work and provide) - I am curious what path did you take? and your experience of being stay at home mums - and on the flip side mums that still work and have there own independence money - are you happy? Do you wish you done things differently?

I think woman have been told to get a career and be financial independent, but I see a lot of these woman having to freeze eggs, and I question whether they are fundamentally happy - but I also see women that have had kids with there husband in there early 20s, never worked, man earns it all, and I genuinely wonder if these women are happy too! Albeit life may be easier! (once the kids are a tad older)

You first.

Otherwise, the first thought that came to my mind reading this is lazy journalist.

There are tons on threads on this topic on mn. Just use the advance search function. I cannot help but raise an eyebrow when a new poster posts disenguously about an emotive topic without explaining what their genuine concern is.

With respect @Uktousa2022 he's talking drivel. Surely you don't believe that nonsense???????

I don't know anyone, male or female (and I include my 80+ parents) who believes that.

It's rubbish. Do you believe he's cleverer, more capable than you? Do you believe his opinions matter more? Do you think he has more right to run your life than you do?

Went part time when had the DC,back full time when no 3 went to school
Started own business 4 years after that
DH and I share all chores equally
Absolutely no regrets ,but my career was always very important to me
Children all Young adults,and all doing good

TBF have seen no videos of masculine/feminine energy

Do you agree with him, OP?
Just because he says something, it doesn't make it true.

Can't you just ignore him? He sounds very unpleasant.

I have a career. I am also feminine as I am a woman.

I have always worked. Through choice. However, it came in handy when 15 years into my marriage exhibition seemed to have some sort of mental breakdown. He changed, pretty much overnight and became hugely paranoid and a flat earther.

I ended up leaving. Which was made so much easier because I worked and earned a good amount of women.

I have progressed in my career to a point where I work flexibly. Which has meant I am around alot. One is at university and one a young teen.

Aside from exh who now lives in a motor home and rarely seen, life is pretty great.

Financial independence isn't not 'masculine'. Deferring to your husband is not 'feminine'. Its passive, but passive is not a word that is synonymous with feminine or woman.

I wouldn't ever go near a man that tried to pitch 'women don't make good decisions so let the man lead'. Certainly wouldn't bet mine and my kids financial future on him.

Really unpopular opinion here but I think the single most important thing a woman can do, when she wants a husband/partner and family is chose the right man. The problem with saying that out loud is the amount of women who say... you never know, abuse can start when married or pregnant etc, when in an awful lot of cases, women have ignored a ridiculous amount of red flags. It never ceases to amaze me reading on here and in real life what shit women tolerate im their desperation for marriage and kids. I mean there's been 10's of threads since Monday written by women who are in utterly shit relationships. Society is still telling us that the best thing that can happen to us is finding a man, any man to be with.
My OH is a good man, he builds me up, does 50/50 or more in the house and with the kids and supports my choices. The reason I ended up with him is because I didn't tolerate ANY bullshit from previous partners. I wasn't afraid to be single and was prepared not to have children if I didn't meet the right person. We need to stop seeing women as people who are too weak to make those choices and empower them not to put up with shit for the sake of being in a relationship.
We both work full time in tiring jobs, have 2 kids but I can guarantee I'm not as tired or stressed as some SAHM'S with one school aged child who has a useless man child in the house too.
I have been accused of being smug on here before. No, I'm trying to show other women that we have our own autonomy and don't need to settle for any man.

I have been both-have to say I only enjoyed my job working nights.as soon as I went onto days I was bullied and picked on.worked up until my maternity leave and my little one is nearly 4 months old-unsure if I will go back to work after maternity leave.my husband is very generous with his wage and happy to support us.i obviously will h
ave to go back to work at some point.it was never a career i had as such,it was minimum wage in a care home.

when DS was young I won’t lie, there were times I wished I was a SAHM. I’m so glad I didn’t take that path.

we shared parental leave (9 months me, 3 months DH) and both went down to 4 days per week until DS went to school. this sharing of care means that DH is a very hands on father.

the fact is: Both DH and I have equal power in the relationship. I don’t bow down to his wishes, nor him to mine. I don’t worry about him leaving me: I can support myself and DS financially if need be. This gives me a massive amount of security. On the flip side, if DH and I divorced: custody would probably be 50:50, in no way could I justify anything else.

Aha, some useful context.

OP the real question should be - “what do I find acceptable in a life partner?”

You appear to have low standards and a warped sense of what’s ok.

I linked that thread but my post was deleted.

men think with facts women with feeling?? oh my gosh you've swallowed a red pill haven't you?
this is venturing into seriously unbelievable territory, well beyond the traditional housewife realm.

OP - WHY would you want someone else making all the important decisions for you???????

Seriously, just, why? Shouldn't it be a partnership which is balanced?

I'm the high earner, my husband is the SAHP. We make all important decisions together. I'd have NO RESPECT for him if I was left to make decisions on everything.

OP please remind this waste of space man, that the reason 80% of violet crime is committed by men is precisely because they cannot control their FEELINGS.

Also. I am both a qualified solicitor and chartered accountant. But I guess 'facts' are beyond me because I have a uterus.

The traditional woman does work.

This is the problem it's seen as "lower" work.
And that attitude needs to stop
If it was so great men would have been doing it generations ago

Plus "traditional" women did also bring in money, dragging kids along if need be. Cleaning, sewing, ironing, washerwoman.

Life is hard work for everyone.

If you have a controlling, knuckle dragging grunt of a prince then do not give the abusive arsehole complete financial control as well. You will live to regret it unless you want to be slapped about a bit and have to open your legs on his demand to stop him getting cross.

If you have someone who values childrearing and domestic jobs as equal to a salary paying job then you might have a bit more choice.

It totally depends on the two adults involved.

Men think with facts
Women think with feelings

Ha ha ha ha ha I hoped you laughed till it hurt with this one OP.

That kind of shows just how few facts he knows about thinking. You do see the irony right OP?

I assume he isn't a neuroscientist?

Women think will feelings, brilliant.

God even conversations with him are going to be terrible never mind anything else.

I was the perfect housewife and mother to my children from the time they were born. Luckily for me, I started doing online courses to qualify in Accountancy when they were in secondary school. When my youngest son was nearly finished, husband had affair and basically said he didn't love me any more. Now that I'm qualified (and so happy that I did this), I am struggling to find a well paid job, because of my lack of experience and entering in to the profession so late.

I would say to any young woman getting married, with a partner, or having children, never leave your financial independence aside for a man. You never know what's going to happen in the future.

I went back to work when DD was 10 months. I have a BIG job (as mumsnet puts it!). I work full time from home (and have done so since before DD). My exH was a SAHD until DD was 2 and then she went to nursery. She is now 12 and I’ve been divorced since she was 8. She lives with me and sees her dad EOW. I am very happy with my choice. ExH was workshy so we’d have been broke with him as the earning parent. DD has never known any different and is a gorgeous happy girl!

I wouldn't be a SAHM unless my DH earned a lot, like £100k plus, a lot. Even then, id be concerned. The pressure of being the sole earner is tough and I'm not sure I could do it to my DH.

Met DH when I was 16, married at 22, DD born when I was 30.

I was never going to be a SAHM, not for me, I love DD and love being her mum but I needed a role outside of the house, something for me to strive for and achieve.

DH has a slightly different mindset, he is happy working and wouldn't want to be a SAHD but not as ambitious career wise.

I earn just about 4 times what he does, took 9 months maternity leave and have had 5 promotions in the last 8 years since returning from mat leave.

He takes on more of the cooking/cleaning, I do the organisation/planning but we split chores and mental load as close to 50/50 as we can.

I was a sahm after having my DTs and still am pretty much (work very part time). I’d always envisaged being a sahm until I was one, and would recommend to all women if you can, stay working. Being reliant on a man, (however decent he is) is a really bad idea because if he changes his mind you’re fucked unless you’re independently wealthy.

I plan on drumming in to my children to get the best education they can, work as hard as they can and establish a career so they’ve got choices in life.

Why would you set up home with someone who thinks you're incapable of making sensible decisions? How on earth would you raise sons and daughters in that environment?

You are trying to frame everything within your narrow narrative. I personally don't recognise any of your descriptions as relevant or my life.

The latest is I asked him if men and woman are equal and he said no because they didn’t build the infrastructure of the world back in the day lol. But I said what about in a relationship and he said in the most part yes so I said would you hear me out before making a decision he said yes but ultimately he’s going to do what he thinks is best.

Are you actually in America with him at the moment?