Can you explain how narcissism presents in women?

[Itsallaboutsmee]

Do male and female narcissists ‘present’ similar traits? I’ve read so much about really ‘sick’ behaviour in male partners (it takes your breath away some times when you read about the horrible things these men say or do to control their partners) but do women have the same traits - do they use the same tactics ? I’ve also read about MIL’s (although not to single out Mils) who can never be challenged or control every one around them, but what about younger women ? What signs do you see ? How do you know if someone is just a bit spoilt ? Or protective because they’ve been so hurt or a bully that’s never been challenged. What actually lets you know there’s one in your midst ?

What happens if you challenge their behaviour ? If they’re young can they be persuaded to see a psychiatrist ? Would that even help ? So much on google but nothing that really answers my questions.

I’ve read each and every one of your replies. I’m still relatively confused as ‘my narcissist’ doesn’t have all the traits. Yes she’s a drama queen, she’s selfish, no empathy, gaslights, and manipulative but shows no signs of delusions of grandeur or needing to be better than others. Doesn’t seem to think less of others and can be loyal to friends but I have noticed she does tend to pick people who are slightly ‘damaged’ in some way

Wouldn't that be the difference between a grandiose narcissist and a vulnerable narcissist?

Besides it's a spectrum, one would imagine.

>>Wouldn't that be the difference between a grandiose narcissist and a vulnerable narcissist?

Besides it's a spectrum, one would imagine.

exactly - beat me to it. vulnerable narcissists also sometimes called "covert narcissists" - more dangerous I think as far less noticeable and can be hard to fathom that that delicate creature is playing games, consciously or not. Was involved with one for years - before I became aware of covert narcissism I would have done well to listen to myself for guidance and enlightenment - I recall once in frustration saying that she employed "aggressive victimhood".
also as you say theo it is a spectrum like many things and folk rarely fit squarely into boxes. Folk can be narcissists and also have many nice characteristics.
And as anyone who has been hurt/felt they have been done over in a relationship and gone searching the web for analyses of the other party, you often come across checklists that match in so many ways but not all. Still doesn't mean the other person doesn't have issues - which best stayed away from.
The "victim" I mentioned above turned out to be a bully when she felt stronger. The roots lay in the family I reckon - should also have looked at her dad's situation.

It is sad.

All you can do is help the child and the people around her with 'I wonder' questions. I wonder whether you really have to do it her way? I wonder whether it would work better if...

Conflict doesn't work, holding them accountable etc.

Just practice grey rock strategies.

After a while everyone works out how to handle it and a quiet life can be obtained! We tag team around ours. No one has to manage her for too long on their own. We try and take turns.

There is also the issue of whether describing someone as a narcissist almost provides a diagnosis or label that justifies their behaviour in some way. While it might help understand the personality type and how to respond or manage your relationship with them it should also not be an excuse for really awful behaviour.

This is my view and experience female narcissistics.

My sister is one.

She ‘kisses up and kicks down’ - very two faced - is impressed by wealth and class and is cringingly always social climbing but is often knocked back.

She surrounds herself with an adoring army of ‘friends’ who socially aspire to her which is nauseating to watch.

Never any balance, mutuality or reciprocity.

She HATES me because I am indifferent to her. She will publicly humiliate and bully me in social situations - so I ensure I am never in her company.

She’s incredibly vain. Always at the salon, having treatments. Spends 1.5hrs preening before the school run.