Can you explain how narcissism presents in women?

[Itsallaboutsmee]

Do male and female narcissists ‘present’ similar traits? I’ve read so much about really ‘sick’ behaviour in male partners (it takes your breath away some times when you read about the horrible things these men say or do to control their partners) but do women have the same traits - do they use the same tactics ? I’ve also read about MIL’s (although not to single out Mils) who can never be challenged or control every one around them, but what about younger women ? What signs do you see ? How do you know if someone is just a bit spoilt ? Or protective because they’ve been so hurt or a bully that’s never been challenged. What actually lets you know there’s one in your midst ?

What happens if you challenge their behaviour ? If they’re young can they be persuaded to see a psychiatrist ? Would that even help ? So much on google but nothing that really answers my questions.

I've dealt with one female narcassist. The best what I can describe it, is they like to make you out to be the crazy one and make you doubt yourself.

Way*

women can be just as vile, although statistically more likely to mentally abuse their partners, while both mental and physical abuse gets directed at children

as to what happens when you challenge them - you're the devil obviously, every bad thing that happened to them is someone else's fault, every bit of abuse they served was well deserved by their victim, and if all else fails, you've made all of this up anyway and it never happened

This! Gaslighting to the highest degree. Also have zero empathy for others, very little self reflection. Very manipulative and also highly intelligent. Keep you close when you're useful to them but would just a quickly throw you under the bus.

Most narcissistic women I know are in leadership positions and positions of influence and power - a headteacher and a couple of CEOs.

My sister is potentially a narcissist. She's like a mean girl that hasn't progressed past teenage traits, for want of a better description.

i wouldn't give them all this much credit, sure, awful people do well in business but I've med one or two idiot narcissist. They're just easier to spot because despite their delusion of being the best thing since sliced bread they're pretty obviously failures in a lot of ways

dr ramani has a video on it

They love drama in their lives and fall out with a lot of people. It is never them. Also like to love bomb.

My mother is a narcissist, or at least has narcissistic traits. She's very self centred, can't wait, can't take turns. Can't listen, can't even pretend to. If she doesn't like what you say, she will either talk over you, minimise what you say, or just flat out ignore you. She's a champion gaslighter. She can be very caring, but it's all on her terms, and totally unreliable

My MIL was also a narcissist. Turned EVERYTHING around to herself, talked endlessly about all the things that were wrong with her life and her health, but had no interest at all in taking any responsibility or making anything better. The slightest challenge was met with DARVO from her (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender)

Both women were severely emotionally neglected in their early lives, and had fathers who were emotionally and physically absent. It's extremely sad, but boy did they do a lot of damage as adults

I'm reading a book on narcissim. There's no mention that I have come across
So far of any difference between make and
Female narcissists.

The inability to have any self reflection or self awareness, admit they were wrong, delusions of grandeur, bitter and twisted, emotionally abusive, triangulating and scapegoating. Always had it harder than anyone else. Appearances matter above all else!

Never known a proper male narcissist intimately enough to pick up on it but I imagine there’d be pretty similar traits.

My mother is the only female narc I’ve known intimately enough to pick up on it after a LOT of therapy and it took me a long time to believe and accept it.

When challenged, she totally cut me off. Completely dead to her like the biblical scapegoat thrown out into the desert! She absolutely could not accept that she’d been abusive. Her ego would not allow it.

I came across one or two in therapy training courses, one a therapy tutor as well as a therapist. Part of it was the gaslighting, which is easy in therapy training because students are required to look at their own responses and reactions to others' behaviours — this can spill into taking responsibility for one's emotions, leading to the person who is behaving badly towards you no longer being the focus. An intelligence disconnected from compassion, perhaps, is another sign.

The female narcissist in my family loves drama. She thrives on it and will cause it if there’s none.
Shes demanding, bossy, aggressive, selfish and takes no responsibility for her actions.
She lies and convinces herself said lies are true.
She will go to any lengths to get her own way and is convinced she is superior to others.
She’s usually entitled and very spoilt.
Very similar to a male narcissist.

I think many women show narcissistic traits as they age. They only want to talk about themselves, and do monologues instead of conversation.

I love my mother dearly but I do think she is a bit narcissistic. I read once that a narc trait is when you overempathise with others to the point of wanting sympathy yourself ie mums friend gets a scary diagnosis, mum acts like something terrible has happened to her. Even watching the news, she takes on suffering as if it's her own, which it just isn't.

You will feel like you losing your mind .. even over texts she would tell me she’d never said something , I’d screen shot the message where she’d said it .. and a ‘ normal’ person would acknowledge and apologise maybe forgot they said it .. she just completely ignores it and moves on to another argument. I don’t believe she loves her children she is emotionally abusive and they have learnt not to question her on anything as punishment is being ignored , refused food being made fun of and other family members encouraged to join in. The lies are ridiculous and often accuses people of bad things that she actually did 😂 Personally I think true narcs are not human and whilst it’s sad that they are that way because of abuse or trauma in their childhoods there is no helping them as to them they are perfect and whilst we get enjoyment from seeing others happy they enjoy drama, seeing people hurt or angry. One odd thing I noticed is that sometimes she saw something on the news and completely over reacted with grief or outrage like she thinks that’s how normal people would react and is putting on a show that she has feelings but was well over the top. They are evil no empathy no love everything is about them and if not they will make it about them somehow. Def need avoiding if possible.

The one woman I know that strongly fits the narcissistic type is very self-absorbed.

• They have to be the victim.
• In any situation they are never at fault.
• They will stir conflict or try to draw people in and anyone who doesn't play the game and refuses to be drawn in is painted a sthe oppressor or the bully.
• They can't stand it if you don't engage.
• They seem to have a lot of conflicts in their life, with romantic partners, exes, friends, family
• They seem convinced that any criticism of them is driven by jealousy
• They seem convinced that other people don't understand how brilliant they are, they're so cutting edge in their area of work, they're so much smarter than everyone else and anyone who disagrees is obviously stupid and doesn't understand.

I found it was possible to prompt explosive narcissistic rage by responding to most of their baiting with polite, utter indifference.

@Thequeenofwishfulthinking are you in my family?! The person you describe sounds exactly like the woman that springs to mind when I read this thread.

She manufactures drama to the extent we don't know who will be next to be cast out and who will be love bombed, it's a foregone conclusion that it will happen though.

She also takes making herself the victim to levels I've never seen before, to the point I think she may genuinely be a pathological liar. Highlights include telling a family member over and over about how awful I am for not attending her birthday, when said family member drove me to the event so could prove from texts saying "I'm outside" when she picked me up that I was definitely there...

My mother is a narcissist. She is manipulative, controlling and a professional victim. She never admits fault in something and she has to be at the centre of everything constantly. It is completely toxic and draining

Sounds exactly like my (male) narcissistic partner.

He yells lots of abuse too.

Plays the victim , pathological liar , extremely controlling , gaslighting , charming ,has to be centre of attention, expert on everything -never wrong, always at the centre of a feud - has to win at all cost , never accepts responsibility -always someone else’s fault, is a bully but claims to be bullied …I could go on !

It depends on the individual.

But imo a vibe of then never being there for you when you need them but whenever you're really busy with something important you can bet they'll expect you to drop it and support them in some way. The friendship you start to notice, isn't reciprocal.

They treat partners icily too. Or you start to realise their relationships always seem to involve drama. They may even brag about mistreating their partners.

You start to feel like they view your life as their competition. To notice they keep bringing every topic back to them.

They tell lies and exaggerate things right infront of you, to others and you think 'but that's not true/how it happened'. But at first you let it slide because its not a big deal...really.. is it? Until, it is. But even then, if you call them on it, YOU would look like the drama lama.

They may take an interest in the hobbies of you or other friends and make it 'their thing'. You then feel put off it. They may also steal your mannerisms, style, things you've said word for word...you think we'll, emulation is flattery. Until its not.

Other possibilities are bragging and boasting. Telling you how shit their life is constantly yet total disinterest in changing it...you realise they like being miserable.

And (common one) once you've spent time with them, you feel worse about yourself. You feel tired, sad, down about your life, have low self esteem suddenly.

They may ignore certain social boundaries. Eg: walk closer to you than others would. Bumping into you and making you think you're the clumsy one.

They may tell you other people don't like you or say or think certain things about you.

A good test - knock something over in public near them. Or fake fall/injure yourself. Do they hang back and help out? Or do they run away or look at you like you're a piece of shit? If it's the later two (and assuming this is someone who is meant to be your friend or partner) you might be dealing with a narcissist.

They bring other people into their drama all the time - if they don't have drama they'll make some.
They have to be the centre of the conversation, and if they're not they'll produce their phone to show you how boring you are.
They tell you stories about their conquests proudly, even though to the rest of the world they're just a cheat.
They go on and on about their triumphs, which might be their university years because nothing great has happened since.
They contact your friends to try and get them to fight their battles for them.
They bate you until you respond to their behavior, then point the finger at you, surprised when you are angry.
The don't respect you boundaries - then blame you for not having stronger boundaries.
They won't accept responsibility for their bad behaviour, even their apologies involve highlighting what a shit person you were.
They don't ever cry when you're upset, but they cry when they have an audience.
They can scream any number of abusive things at you, but when you point out their bad behaviour you may as well have chopped their leg off.
They will twist the narrative and tell the story to make themselves look like the injured party.
They'll tell you about themselves when they contact you after weeks of silence, as if you care about their news after the way they treated you.
They won't leave you alone after you leave and keep contacting you to scrape the barrel for more attention.
They will read about narcissists and never recognize it in themselves. They very rarely change and will stay miserable forever.

I could go on and on. Good riddance is all I can say.

SorryForTheRant - possibly. I live in the North West.

The ones I have met : very competitive they will try to top you and if they can't they will try to take you down . Totally self centred, and think they are entitled to things without working for them , it should just fall
In their laps . They very often have life plans . Very manipulative twist things , has light , make themselves a victim and you the aggressor. Good at manipulating others to do their dirty work and then stand back and feign innocence or no knowledge when the drama kicks off . They are good at planting seeds in peoples heads, very persuasive and convincing. They can come across as sweet and charming. They will destroy you if they see you as a threat or obstacle in their path . Avoid avoid run run . Trust your gut instincts. If I had of done I would have saved myself loads of heartache .