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Original poster

I’m wasting my time aren’t I?

74 replies

Newnamesoembarrassed · 30/05/2023 04:20

I’ve been seeing someone since January. I think the world of him. See him 2-3 times a week mainly at his. Sex is great. He holds me and kisses me and makes me feel like nothing else matters. He has taught me to cook, got me to seek counselling for deep rooted childhood traumas, remembers important things. We laugh, talk through important stuff, share what happens in our lives.

He goes on dating websites and picks up other women for sex.

He’s honest about it and will answer any questions I have.
He says he can’t be a boyfriend to me because he might let me down- all related to his previous relationship breakdown and a nasty custody battle. It broke him. Says he needs to keep things casual between us but behaves with me like we are a proper couple.
Every couple of weeks he meets up with and shags a random woman. It’s breaking my heart.

He says it’s only fair I do the same, encourages it.
This wk after a night of having a great time in bed with me all night, he wouldn’t let me touch him the whole of the next day until I went home. Today he said he met another woman for sex. He might see her again just for sex then tried to make wkend plans with me. I can’t stop thinking that he didn’t let me near him Saturday so that he could save his energy/sex drive etc for today when he met her. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart.

Im wasting my time aren’t I? He doesn’t want me. He wants the convenience of me. He wants the girlfriend experience without the girlfriend.
Im not enough for him.

OP posts:
GoalShooter · 30/05/2023 04:24

Yes sorry OP, it's clear that you're looking for different things. At least he has been honest with you so that you can end things now, before your self esteem gets any lower than it already is.

WonkyPicture · 30/05/2023 04:35

Im not enough for him

God don't even think this, don't even utter these words. You're too good for him 100%. Yeah, get rid.

Zanatdy · 30/05/2023 04:49

You are wasting your time, you’re only going to get hurt. He won’t suddenly decide that he wants only you. Leave him to it, he will end up a lonely old man. You are enough. You’re too good for him. Walk away and don’t look back

Boomshock · 30/05/2023 05:00

He says he can’t be a boyfriend to me because he might let me down- all related to his previous relationship breakdown and a nasty custody battle.

It's all a bit pathetic really isn't it?
Men often struggle badly when their family breaks down but they tend to get over it.

He's clearly not concerned about letting you down if he's picking up other women for sex and telling you all about it, he obviously understands feelings and emotions and knows perfectly well that this situation could be a huge head fuck.

You are definitely wasting your time, he wants to have his cake and eat it, he won't put all his eggs in one basket in case he gets hurts again, but won't care if he hurts you.

Ditch him.

rwalker · 30/05/2023 05:05

He doesn’t want a relationship he’s been more than clear what’s on offer

Isthisexpected · 30/05/2023 05:26

You're not only wasting your time, you're disrespecting yourself spending time with him. He has absolutely no business dating whilst he is so screwed up he needs to have sex with strangers constantly in order to cope with the effects of divorce. The only person he should be seeing is a therapist. He is deflecting and avoiding dealing with his issues. You're caught in the crossfire.

barmycatmum · 30/05/2023 05:27

It’s not that you’re not enough for him. It’s that you want different things.
please honor yourself and honor what you need.
I would not be ok with this either.

Rubychews · 30/05/2023 05:29

He doesn’t want a relationship and he’s told you that. You are being unreasonable and naive to think this will automatically turn into a relationship. It’s shit but he has told you he doesn’t want anything else and you seem to have agreed to it, you can’t retrospectively change your mind.

Rubychews · 30/05/2023 05:32

Btw honestly I would move on, take all the good experiences and know you are worth it. Find someone who you can have a good life with if that’s what you want.

PrimalOwl10 · 30/05/2023 05:37

There's a reason hes got divorced op. His behaviour says it all. Sounds like he's got az sex addiction snhagging different randoms. Raise the bar you deserve more. He sounds like a prick.

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 05:49

He's been upfront with you. This doesn't work for you, it's alright.

If you carry this on it'll properly mess with your head. Throw mr potential STD back in the pond and find someone who doesn't meet women for a shag when leaving your bed.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 30/05/2023 05:50

Well he has his cake and a finger in all the pies! Literally.

I'd personally move on. This isn't anything to dp you with you. It's not that you're not enough. He isn't enough of a whole person to be able to give himself wholly to one person. He's getting some sort of weird ego boost out of this.

And, if he turned around tomorrow and said he would be exclusive with you, would you trust him 100%? I know, I wouldn't. I'd always be looking for signs of an affair.

It's also dangerous. He's putting you at risk of catching an std and destroying your self worth and self esteem. It's already begun to erode at you. For your own sanity please walk away. You deserve so much more.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 06:37

His dramatic reasoning is bullshit, by the way. He just enjoys shagging about. And you’re obviously very keen so he can keep coming back to you for the regular, effort-free stuff.

This way only madness lies. Bin him off. He don’t like it and will turn the charm up to 11, but be strong. He’s not for you.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 06:37

He won’t* like it.

standardduck · 30/05/2023 06:47

He's been clear with you from the beginning about what he can offer you.

I would end it now before you get even more attached and hurt.

pilates · 30/05/2023 06:53

Your mental health will suffer if you continue with this relationship.

Suprima · 30/05/2023 06:55

It’s not even a girlfriend experience.

girlfriends get taken out on dates, not ferried over for a shag

you need to get far away from this man. He honestly has you thinking that he’s helped you work through trauma, when actually he’s heaping more on you.

doozledog · 30/05/2023 07:31

Godness me, what an awful person he is! You are way to good for him! Get rid!

NothingbutaHounddog666 · 30/05/2023 07:40

Please get an STD check.

I bet his last relationship(s) failed due to his behaviour.

Get some self respect. He does not have genuine feelings for you. You are just one of his shags that stayed around. Bin him!

Yetisrus · 30/05/2023 07:45

I feel so sorry for you but you need to walk away.

Why are you putting up with a man shagging about? You're disrespecting yourself if that's not what you want. Are you that desperate for a man that you'll put up with this from him?

There are men out there who don't do this, go and find one of them, and also work on yourself. You'll be much happier.

Bargellobitch · 30/05/2023 07:53

You are worth so much more than this. He's set the bar in the floor and unfortunately you're accepting this low bar for behaviour. He won't change he's just stringing you along. But if it helps in sure it's nothing personal and just games he likes to play for his ego.

Gottobecake · 30/05/2023 07:58

Yes you're wasting your time. Move on. Sorry you had high hopes but he's shown he doesn't share them.

Shivvy120 · 30/05/2023 08:00

He is mind fucking you by showing you these great things about him and then telling you you can’t have them cos he can’t do a relationship. Ok sure he has had a bad time with an ex , but does that really mean he can’t move forward with you? I don’t think it does. If he’s meeting other women for sex that is so disrespectful to you. Get out of there as quickly as you can because this will continue to erode your confidence and self esteem.

FinallyHere · 30/05/2023 08:38

STD check and do your future self a favour: throw this one overboard.

This relationship is doing nothing for your self esteem. In general, the more you do to build your self esteem, the better you feel about yourself.

PimpMyFridge · 30/05/2023 08:46

This is a torturous slow death of your uncynical joy in what should be a deep and meaningful connection.

At least he's been honest, but really he's just passing on trauma by acting in this way because of his previous hurts.

He can't be true to the feelings he creates when it's nice and good, so it's an illusion sadly.

How awful. Sad for you both really, but to protect yourself you need to draw it to an end. Most people are not cut out for this set up.

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