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Original poster

Could he be with another woman tonight?

102 replies

Jems42 · 29/05/2023 00:36

I’m feeling stressed and confused. I’m on holiday with a friend and the guy I have been dating for 1-1.5 yrs is being weird on texts (he is in our home country).

Tonight, when I text him, he doesn’t receive the whatsapp message for ages, then suddenly replies and the same thing happens again. When I say ages, I mean 45 mins. Currently it’s on one grey tick and has been like that for 1.5 hours.

This happens on and off when he’s in his flat and I put it down to bad reception before. I asked him back then and he said it was the reception.

Now I’m wondering whether he’s with someone else and is putting me on and off flight mode. I have a very vague memory of seeing him turning flight mode on at some point, months ago, but he moves his hands very quickly on his phone so I might be mistaken. Maybe those other times in his flat he was also keeping me quiet because he was with someone else.

He has form for being a big ambiguous with other people. We actually broke up and recently got back together and now I’m paranoid that he’s with someone else tonight and I can’t sleep.

OP posts:
Quveas · 29/05/2023 08:14

I don't think it matters whether he is telling the truth or not. You don't trust him and monitoring his behaviour. The relatrionship isn't good for either of you. You don't trust him but it also isn't reasonable to expect him to account for his actions every second of the day. People are allowed not to watch their app's all the time or respond to messages immediately.

Stratocumulus · 29/05/2023 08:23

How old are you?

As someone has already said….
“You are crazy for wasting your time on this bullshit. All I can gather is that you must be absolutely desperate to be in a relationship to put up with this!!

Get yourself out there girl and enjoy your holiday! Put thoughts of him in a box for now and slam the lid.

MrsRickAstley · 29/05/2023 08:27

He's shown you who he is very early on. You ignored it.

DarkForces · 29/05/2023 08:38

I have no idea of what he's up to or his motivations but you sound miserable, suspicious and exhausted. Do you really want to waste anymore time on someone who makes you feel
like that, whatever he's up to right now? I promise you that's not what love feels like

ConstantlyConfusedBird · 29/05/2023 08:42

Put your phone down and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Creamyoda · 29/05/2023 08:43

He has ruined my past 4 holidays.

This is a very clear sign it's time to let him go! If you trusted him it probably wouldn't be an issue, its Bank Holiday weekend after all and certainly around here most pubs and places have terrible reception- it's only when you go outside that you get signal and could be something as simple as that. Due to his previous actions though you are understandably wary and you'll spend however long you're with him for feeling like this, it's not worth it.

Zanatdy · 29/05/2023 08:46

CallieQ · 29/05/2023 01:05

Not much point being in a relationship with someone if you have to keep checking whether they've got a double tick or not Confused

Can’t agree more. Been there, done that, not repeating

thisisasurvivor · 29/05/2023 08:52

Jems42 · 29/05/2023 01:41

He doesn’t treat people very well.

Yes this is my ex all over

Your instinct is correct

Call him and finish it

He is treating you badly

Why settle for this?

pendleflyer · 29/05/2023 09:00

Jems42 · 29/05/2023 01:40

My best friend (not the one I’m here with) was obviously worried that this would happen as she encouraged me to tell him I was having a detox from my phone before my holiday. She was worried that he would upset my holiday.

or possibly your best friend knew that you spend a lot of time on your phone, too much maybe, and think a lot, too much maybe, about what other folk are doing when they are not hardwired in? Have you spoken to/mssaged your best friend about your current on-holiday concerns?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/05/2023 09:03

You don’t trust him
why ? There will have been more red flags 🚩 for you to come to this surely ?

Blogswife · 29/05/2023 09:04

I think you are ruining your own holidays with your lack of trust . You can’t be much fun for the people you’re away with if you’re spending your time obsessing over your DP.
If he’s going to cheat he’ll do it whether you’re there or away so forget him , enjoy your time with your friend and deal with his infidelity/ your trust issues when you get home . If this is the 4th ruined holiday for the same reason then you need to address the issue !

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/05/2023 09:22

Jems42 · 29/05/2023 01:40

My best friend (not the one I’m here with) was obviously worried that this would happen as she encouraged me to tell him I was having a detox from my phone before my holiday. She was worried that he would upset my holiday.

And ruin the holiday for the friend who you're with. My friend used to do this with her bf, it used to affect our holidays massively. If you're being like this on your holidays, you'll be affecting their holiday too.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 29/05/2023 09:29

Jems42 · 29/05/2023 01:03

Maybe I’m being paranoid.

He has lied in the past and has seen other people and only admitted it when caught.

Just why would you put yourself through this.

Leave him and find someone worthy of your time, effort and love.

Original poster
Jems42 · 29/05/2023 09:34

I’m not going to message him anymore this holiday. I just want a break from it all.

When I get home I think I will go no contact with him as it’s awful at first but eventually I begin to feel better.

I haven’t said anything to the friend that I’m with. I haven’t ruined her holiday. I’m happy and cheerful around her.

I haven’t messaged my friend back home about it either because it will just worry her.

OP posts:
Laurabeee · 29/05/2023 09:44

Good for you! He will do what is best for him so you do what is best for you! I hope you have a great holiday.

I cried at every tourist thing and restaurant in Valencia over an ex boyfriend who wouldn’t text me back. Was not worth it. I am looking forward to going back with my husband who treats me well.

I hope that you find a partner who makes you really happy xx

Beadyeyes91 · 29/05/2023 09:50

He's just not that into you.

Annabelnextdoor · 29/05/2023 09:54

Op. This guy knows exactly what he is doing. He wants you dependent on him for your own well being. And he is succeeding. Men like him can destroy your self confidence. And that is what is happening. He wants to spoil your holiday, mess with your head and have you think about HIM all the time. He knows you will worry, but still keep going back to him. He’s trained you to need his affection and validation.
It will be very hard. But you need him out of your life. Don’t make a drama out of it. Maybe delete his number this holiday. So you can’t message. If he messages just ignore it. You’re on holiday and busy enjoying yourself!
Than when home. Send him a polite message that you don’t want to see him anymore. No blame. No drama. And then block. And if he finds a way to make contact just think ‘do I really want him to make me feel like crap again’ because that is what will happen’.

kernowpicklepie · 29/05/2023 09:59

Jems42 · 29/05/2023 02:18

I blocked him before and he phoned me. If I blocked him on everything, he’ll email me or write me a letter or maybe even turn up at my house. I don’t think he will let me go because he gets such a boost from me.

This is what they do.
Don't ever reply to anything, not even to say "stop messaging" because they take it as a sign that you're interested and will keep pestering.
The hardest thing is ignoring.
Block on everything you can and never look back

crew2022 · 29/05/2023 10:07

Get rid. He's messing you around and you're letting him impact your time off and enjoyment. What does he add in a positive way?

shieldmaiden7 · 29/05/2023 10:23

I met someone years ago, it was all in the early days we were chatting, hadn't met up yet. He kept going one grey tick on me for long periods of time I the evenings. Always saying his phone died. No signal etc.. when I pushed a little harder to meet he told me he had a wife and kids but hope that didn't change how I felt. He was instantly blocked.
I really hope it's a different situation for you.

Sarvanga38 · 29/05/2023 10:30

He has ruined my past 4 holidays.

He might have ruined one, perhaps even the second one. You have ruined any further holidays yourself, by allowing him to remain in your life and mess with your head. Stop playing internet relationship buzzword bingo and get him out of your life once and for all!

thisisasurvivor · 29/05/2023 10:40

Get rid x100

Value yourself

This was me a few years back and I got so stressed I couldn't sleep or eat

Do not tolerate bad treatment

It gets worse

VirgoQueen · 29/05/2023 11:48

I've been in exactly the same situation. One grey tick often. Caught him early on putting his phone on airplane mode. I thought nothing of it, until the one grey tick constantly happened and the puzzle clicked as time went on. He placed his phone on airplane mode when he was with the other chick or with me. I also felt uneasy and not at peace ever, but never sure why. Yip, he is playing you. Games written all over this.

porridgeisbae · 29/05/2023 12:37

My alternative is to block him but I don’t want to hurt him and confuse him. He won’t understand where it has come from.

@Jems42 He doesn't deserve you having this much concern for his poor little boy self. He doesn't care about your feelings after all.

If you really feel he needs a reason then message and explain to him, then block immediately before he can reply.

His reply would either be stroppy or wheedling/gaslighting, and would do you personally more harm than good.

QueenBitch666 · 29/05/2023 13:35

He's ruined four of your holidays Confused
Are your standards usually this low?

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