Active discussions

Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When you know deep down that divorce was a mistake....

86 replies

cherrytattoo · 28/05/2023 15:59

I appreciate that most people will say 'No! Best thing that ever happened to me!.....and for those people, I'm really pleased it worked out.

However, there must be others out there (like me) who truly believe that divorce was the wrong thing? My ex had an affair and within a week, I filed for divorce. We didn't talk things through and after 6 years there are still unanswered questions.

We don't speak but we bumped into each other recently and I just KNEW that he feels the same way I still do (we were married for 23 years). He's still with the OW but he's told the kids he's not happy.

Anyone else have a similar story? I just can't shift this thought from my mind.

OP posts:
GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 10:54

After a 23 year marriage, he must miss you and elements of his old life terribly, OP.

possibly but there’s no “must” about it

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2023 12:10

Of course he’s not stuck. Come on. And nothing stopped him from using condoms. You’re painting him as quite the victim after he trashed your marriage by having sex with her.

Who’s telling you details of their sex life anyway? Gross.

They're still together, they have a child. If he wanted to leave her he would.

Focus on your own life and leave him in the past.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2023 12:11

After a 23 year marriage, he must miss you and elements of his old life terribly, OP.

Why?

Autumntimeagain · 30/05/2023 13:59

Never. It was the right thing to do because I wasn't happy, and no-one deserves to live an unhappy life, for any reason.

NerdyBird · 30/05/2023 14:36

If they had a child, what do you envisage happening to that child if you got back together? Your ex will still need to be involved in their life (and by extension, OWs).

AcrossthePond55 · 30/05/2023 15:31

cherrytattoo · 30/05/2023 09:41

I should have added for context that the OW got pregnant (she was apparently on the Pill). She couldn't have a termination due to her religion. She's also from a a very poor country so he is basically stuck.

Of course he's not 'stuck'!! This isn't the 19th century and 'shotgun weddings' are a thing of the past. He is obviously capable of supporting a child without being married to their mother. Quit making 'fairy stories' that fit your needs.

He is there because he wants to be there. And if it's your DC who are feeding you this information they are doing you a disservice.

DurhamDurham · 30/05/2023 15:34

He's telling the kids what he thinks they want to hear. I think since he's still with her getting a divorce was probably for the best.

I hope you can move on and make a happy life for yourself, you deserve to be happy.

drawersmoe · 30/05/2023 16:20

I had a friend who cheated & it all came out. She stayed with the lover because her husband wanted a divorce & I think she convinced herself that staying with the lover meant she hadn't lost everything for nothing. She doesn't love him though, it was a distraction for her. I know she has huge regrets but exh has moved on.

Also some older relatives separated but got back together after 5 yrs. Still together.

morejumpingfrogs · 30/05/2023 20:05

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2023 12:10

Of course he’s not stuck. Come on. And nothing stopped him from using condoms. You’re painting him as quite the victim after he trashed your marriage by having sex with her.

Who’s telling you details of their sex life anyway? Gross.

They're still together, they have a child. If he wanted to leave her he would.

Focus on your own life and leave him in the past.

AnneLovesGilbert is talking a lot of sense here (as usual). Listen to her! And the others on this thread

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/05/2023 20:53

cherrytattoo · 30/05/2023 09:41

I should have added for context that the OW got pregnant (she was apparently on the Pill). She couldn't have a termination due to her religion. She's also from a a very poor country so he is basically stuck.

How is he 'stuck?' If he can leave you when you have kids, then surely he can leave her and be a coparent? He sounds like the kind of selfish guy that would do that if he wanted!

What's stopping you reaching out to him and asking to meet up for a chat, and explore what happened and if he's happy or has regrets? That doesn't commit you to anything. (If he's remotely up for a reconciliation he will definitely agree to that) then you would be the other woman (like that film 'it's complicated' probably worth a watch! )

How would you feel about being back with him and being a step mum to the child that is the product of his affair?

PaintedEgg · 30/05/2023 20:55

Having unanswered questions could be causing you to feel like this chapter is no closed

but don't kid yourself that he regrets the divorce if he is still with the OW - they'd break up by now if that was the case

New posts on this thread. Refresh page