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Original poster

Cancelled date - text response

74 replies

theobe · 28/05/2023 12:32

Been dating someone if few weeks was going really well, strong chemistry, contact etc

We meet Friday and was a bit more intimate, no PIV. And he asked to see me Saturday but we didn't firm up plans

Saturday at 7pm he says sorry can't get childcare we can do tomorrow? I say ok that's cool

I've messaged this morning asking for time place tonight snd he's just cancelled again apparently due to childcare (though hasn't been a issue in the past) 🤷‍♀️ shall I just send this as response and leave him to it ?

Ok, I'm really sorry to hear that you have to cancel again, have a good bank hols weekend.

What sort of message does that text give ?

OP posts:
IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 28/05/2023 12:33

I wouldn't respond at all tbh

HeavenonEarth · 28/05/2023 12:35

I think that’s fine. Send it then leave it. It might be genuine so you can’t act arsey about it. It does sound like he might find it difficult to date,

VirgoQueen · 28/05/2023 12:35

I wouldn't respond at all. And if he msgs to ask you out next time, I'd say Sorry I already have other plans

Original poster
theobe · 28/05/2023 12:37

Yeah I don't want to come across arsey as it may be genuine but I do want him to know I'm obviously a bit disappointed, and also if he's no his job to put it right by making new plans if he's interested in my still

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/05/2023 12:37

I'd just say "okay" and not bother messaging him again.

TheShellBeach · 28/05/2023 12:46

Answering makes you look keen.
Ignoring him lets him know you're pissed off.

I would ignore him. He probably got a better offer. Sorry, OP. It's horrible of him.

Sux2buthen · 28/05/2023 12:47

Or....he's having a problem with childcare.

Zanatdy · 28/05/2023 12:48

If he’s genuinely got childcare issues why be arsey? I dated a single dad for a while. At the end of the day the kids come first. You kind of sign up to that.

holliebo · 28/05/2023 12:52

Sux2buthen · 28/05/2023 12:47

Or....he's having a problem with childcare.

If he was having an issue with childcare I'd expect HIM to text her proactively and suggesting an alternative date/place/time.

She already had to chase him this morning and at that point he already knew he had childcare issues and hadn't told her.

If it was genuine and he was interested I'd have expected him to instigate the discussion, apologising and making a new plan.

I wouldn't reply at all tbh

holliebo · 28/05/2023 12:53

Zanatdy · 28/05/2023 12:48

If he’s genuinely got childcare issues why be arsey? I dated a single dad for a while. At the end of the day the kids come first. You kind of sign up to that.

I'm a single mum and experienced this but I'd have got in touch first, when I first knew I wasn't going to make it. I wouldn't wait on my date texting me to check details then flaking without another suggestion

Freefall212 · 28/05/2023 12:53

Why would you ignore a text or be pissed off?

Sounds like you are getting responses from teens if that is how they want someone to respond to them. Be polite, acting like an arse just makes you look bad.

it may fizzle out or it may be a legitimate reason and it will carry on. You can always choose to end it if it isn’t working for you but don’t do it with head games or disrespect.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 28/05/2023 12:56

Why does his message require a response though? If he asks to go out again (and you actually want to) then respond to that.

It isn't "getting arsey" to not respond. It's pretty neutral

pictoosh · 28/05/2023 12:58

holliebo · 28/05/2023 12:52

If he was having an issue with childcare I'd expect HIM to text her proactively and suggesting an alternative date/place/time.

She already had to chase him this morning and at that point he already knew he had childcare issues and hadn't told her.

If it was genuine and he was interested I'd have expected him to instigate the discussion, apologising and making a new plan.

I wouldn't reply at all tbh

Show quote history

All of this I think.

It would be radio silence from me.

Freefall212 · 28/05/2023 12:59

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 28/05/2023 12:56

Why does his message require a response though? If he asks to go out again (and you actually want to) then respond to that.

It isn't "getting arsey" to not respond. It's pretty neutral

No it is basic social skills to respond to a text of someone telling you they need to cancel a date due to childcare.

The most basic of communication and social skills. Even a child would know if their friend told them they had to cancel a play date that no response and silence would be rude. I would say that is a skill that most have well before they are 10.

Chispazo · 28/05/2023 12:59

I think ''ok'' is perfect because if it is genuinely a childcare problem and if he genuinely wants to make it up to you that he cancelled you twice, then ''ok'' is not such a TAKE DOWN that he wouldn't dare come back to you. But if he's juggling offers then I think ''ok'' and no more would leave him aware that you weren't begging for his attention and that it's not ''fine''. Just text ok, and then don't reach out again.

Chispazo · 28/05/2023 13:01

Ah, actually, as @pictoosh said, if you had to reach out to him to find out where things stood, and he came back with childcare issues, then in that case, I think radio silence is the right response.

Pahpahpotato · 28/05/2023 13:01

Thumbs up emoji. He’s being a rude twat and I’d knock this one on the head tbh. Surely having already cancelled once due to childcare issues hed have sorted provisional childcare before reorganising the date.

OhBling · 28/05/2023 13:25

Well, I'd be a bit annoyed at the lack of proactivity, but I think that if you texted this morning, I can imagine that he hadn't really yet got his head around things to text you. I'd be more irritated by the 7pm last night text.

So the question is whether you want to give him benefit of doubt or not.

madeinmanc · 28/05/2023 13:32

I wouldn't send it, it sounds a bit sarcastic/passive aggressive to me due to the "you have to cancel again". And "sorry to hear" sounds like something I'd put in a work message, not to a date.

I'd say "Oh no, sorry you can't make it, have a good bank hols weekend" instead, it's less pointed and open to misinterpretation.

madeinmanc · 28/05/2023 13:33

Or "shame you can't make it"

Lampan · 28/05/2023 13:45

I agree in with ‘OK’. I’m usually a fan of the thumbs up emoji but it may be a bit aggressive on the grounds that he could be being genuine.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your planned reply though, it doesn’t sound overly keen or desperate, if anything it’s polite and a little dismissive which is good. Maybe take out the ‘really’ though.

CuntingSheep · 28/05/2023 13:46

Oh no, sorry you can't make it, have a good bank hols weekend is a good response. Polite, not arsey, not making a silly point, not being childish. Also leaves all the options open.

madeinmanc · 28/05/2023 13:50

Oh no, sorry you can't make it, have a good bank hols weekend is a good response. Polite, not arsey, not making a silly point, not being childish. Also leaves all the options open.

Yes, exactly. If he's cancelling to be an arse/follow up his other dating options then who cares about sending him a spiky message, you probably wouldn't hear from him again anyway and who even cares if you did. But if he's genuinely still interested in you or he genuinely can't make it the original message will put him off.

Sittwritt · 28/05/2023 13:51

His kids will naturally be his priority. Sorry, it comes as part of parcel of dating someone already committed, which you have to decide on. Coming between him and his kids will turn rotten for you. No one should ever do that.

burnoutbabe · 28/05/2023 13:53

I'd go with okay (actually I'd say no worries")

And nothing more. Leave him to get in touch

May be legit or maybe flakey, no well of telling. Just don't want to blow chances if it's legit (though of course also note he may be hard to date with kids and unreliable childcare)

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