Cancelled date - text response

[theobe]

Been dating someone if few weeks was going really well, strong chemistry, contact etc

We meet Friday and was a bit more intimate, no PIV. And he asked to see me Saturday but we didn't firm up plans

Saturday at 7pm he says sorry can't get childcare we can do tomorrow? I say ok that's cool

I've messaged this morning asking for time place tonight snd he's just cancelled again apparently due to childcare (though hasn't been a issue in the past) 🤷‍♀️ shall I just send this as response and leave him to it ?

Ok, I'm really sorry to hear that you have to cancel again, have a good bank hols weekend.

What sort of message does that text give ?

Texting someone to say no worries after they cancel a date due to a lack of childcare is not evidence of someone with a lack of self respect. Even if you suspect they are using that as an excuse, I dare you find anyone who has never cancelled or stepped out of a date or lunch or playdate or friend date and given an excuse of some kind. It is normal human behaviour - and doesn't always mean disinterest. A simple basic socially appropriate response is not a sign that someone lacks self respect in any way

A woman sending a man a text to say, hey are we on for tonight is not a woman chasing a man.

Woman are adults - they are more than capable of communicating like adults.

@Freefall212 he could of let her know about not having child care, instead he has only my let her know once she messaged, which is a fob off and not acceptable.
Communication works two ways and he's clearly not trying that hard or cares about letting her down last minute.

Why should she say no worries?! She IS worried about it as she’s posting on here so it’s clearly not all fine and dandy. She does have a right to be a little annoyed that he’s cancelled twice now at last minute with no indication for another date. Ok is better as it’s not openly hostile but equally it’s not pretending his behaviour is fine. I don’t get why women have to just be fine with everything and pretend to be cool about stuff when they aren’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd go with 'ok' and just leave the ball in his court.

This!

Yes, a reliable man who suggested meeting up would not let you wait until 7pm for you to text him to check it was still on!

A month or so back, a woman said she was free to meet the following Saturday... i sent her a couple of suggestions. She didn't respond to them and just made general chit-chat. It got to Saturday morning and she still hadn't responded to my suggestions, or made any other hints about meeting up... so I called it off. I'm not sure being anyone's afterthought. I definitely wouldn't have waited until 7pm.

She has made herself available for him 3 nights in a row and twice he has cancelled.

It’s rude for him to not take time to say he’s tied up with child care, if true. I strongly suspect it’s not. So… why message someone like this?

The ball is definitely in his call now

That's a shame, thanks for letting me know.

After a few dating experiences myself..I would definitely reply but be casual. Of course there’s times when someone genuinely has to cancel..what I found was if they like you, they ask to rearrange. If they don’t, don’t chase. I was the one chasing one guy, I realised later he wasn’t that into me (he was also seeing someone else and he clearly liked her more - I always assumed men were dating other women, I was certainly chatting to other men). So yeah I would say “It’s okay, understand” and see if he follows up for another date. If he cancels again I’d be done.

How about "OK, thanks for letting me know" if he's got children you need to get used to this

When I first went on old, after about 5 guys I had my first 'sorry, my grandmother died.' I thought maybe it's true, after all it could be. Fast forward 2 years, and it was so so sad, 10 dead grandmothers.

I totally get that childcare issues will arise sometimes when a parent is dating.

It's how you deal with it that shows how keen you are on the relationship. I'd expect him to be apologetic and to be keen to get an alterative date in the diary ASAP.

So whilst I wouldn't just ignore him, and wouldn't write him off yet, I'd send a quick 'OK, enjoy your weekend' then leave it.

The ball is very much in his court to suggest new arrangements, having cancelled twice (even if with good reasons). If he doesn't get in touch to make new arrangements then he's showing you he isn't that bothered.

Not being able to get childcare is valid... But not contacting you until the last minute is rude and treating you like you have nothing better to do than wait around for him.

Unacceptable and I wouldn't be happy!

"Sorry I've got to take the cat to the vet." When he didn't have a cat.

trouble is, if we believe the child care story, isn't it equally possible to be true that childcare let him down at last minute? or he was waiting on a few people to get back to him (as he only made plans to go out Sat night, late Friday night)

So either he spends the day texting you updates - confirm somewhere but maybe subject to cancel or he just hopes it comes good and then does not.

to be fair, it sounds like neither confirmed plans until around 7 on Sat night - you could also have said at 12, what's the plan for later, to see how land lay and if non commital, made other plans.

so could all be just legit. or neither that fussed. or he is just laid back about stuff (and spending Saturday looking after his kids?). hard to say.

trouble is, if we believe the child care story, isn't it equally possible to be true that childcare let him down at last minute?

Its definitely possible its true but the lack of communication sounds like OP is having to pull teeth. He didnt let her know about the first cancellation until 7pm. The HE suggested meeting the next day. Then SHE had to text him ask what time they were meeting and thats when he responded it was off again. If you have suggested meeting someone the next day why would you wait until they text you to firm up times before telling them its now off? If that were me and it was someone I wanted to see, I'd have sent a text first thing saying "so sorry, Ive been let down again today, was really looking forward to seeing you. How about next fri at 7pm?- you pick the restaurant!" etc etc Or, if he was waiting for childcare to get back to him, why didnt he text earlier saying "quick update, just waiting for someone to get back to me re: childcare, sorry to mess you around" etc.

Its not the cancelling, we all know shit happens, its that OP is having to constantly prod him to get any answers about whether the date is still on or not thats quite a red flag to me. Its also kinda rude because it means she cant make any alternative plans if she is waiting around for him to let her know

Was op prodding him though?

She didn't text Saturday from what I can see (maybe in response to him on Saturday night to say yes to Sunday)

Then she sent one text Sunday lunchtime and got the sorry back.

She had to ask him on sunday what time they were meeting, then he said he couldnt make it. Why not tell her earlier? why wait until she asked?

Any updates OP?

If you have to prod, raise your standards.

What did you say in the end, OP?

I've literally just posted very similar on my own post on AIBU. I responded with ok. I really wanted to ask if I was wasting my time etc but felt it looked a bit needy as our 'relationship' hasn't been more than messaging so far. I got very similar responses about just leaving the ball I'm his court!

Have you an update?