Why being over 40 is the end of it all - according to NM

[PaintedEgg]

I keep seeing a lot of posts about being over 40 / in your 40s that imply this is some sort of end of life period.

Women are said to suddenly hit menopause, which apparently means turning into frogs and never having sex again, while men are said to suddenly lose all vitality, their erection and will to live.

Where is all of this coming from?

what's NM?

From lived experience lol.

Wait until you get to the end of your 40s then come and update this thread 🤣

a typo :) meant MN

Thought you were slagging off NetMums there!

I'm 51 and this is not my experience at all. I think it is v out of date thinking and maybe comes from the previous generation that had kids earlier, didnt work, were able to retire early etc.

Most 50 year olds I know now have childen still in primary school or early secondary and work full time. I think this keeps you younger and so fifties is, realy, the new forties.

How old are you? I am post 60 so well past the menopause and yes, it does feel like the end of an era when you hit menopause. but then so did being at school, living at home and moving out, getting married, having children, children leaving home. lots of eras end but new ones start. the menopause was fecking awful as there was nowhere near as much info on it as there is now. but I got through it and am very happy with my life at this age. but no doubt this will end and another new age will start when I become frailer. thats just life. its what happens.

While I am not 40 yet, mu husband is is his 40s and a lot of my social circle are people from mid 20s to mid 50s-ish? I genuinely don't think there is that much difference in behaviour, more so in life circumstances

Oh -- well I have had it then!! 😀

ah I see!

Yeah, sometime I do feel a bit despondent when some people are a bit 'the end is nigh' when they're just 48.

Definately never felt that the end was nigh just that a new and different life was happening. every stage of life has its good and bad bits. its what you make of it really that counts.

Really? I'm 60 in a couple of weeks (sounds awful 😀). Maybe I missed that memo.

I can still run 5k in 30 mins (on a good day), have a 14yo ds, am still working full time, and no less interest in male company.

I have developed clicky ankles though.

Oh bless you OP.

Look I thought the same and now im knocking on 50 and it’s true.

I’m on HRT but have no desire for men. I know some women still maintain a strong sex drive but the majority don’t. Men do start to have trouble maintaining erections as they age. Again that’s just biology. The amount of blood that has to flow to that area is huge. Once your body is older it’s just not as possible. Yes there are men that are incredibly fit and virile but the majority of post 50 year old men are knackered.

you are not 40 yet so I understand this sounds depressing. It really isn’t. Not giving a shit about the make gaze is liberating as fuck.

Also when people are all 'once you turn 50 you'll have no interest in ever having sex again'.

If you ask me, life begins at 60!

Children flown, mortgage paid off, good career established and good salary, no periods. What's not to like about being in your 60s (apart from chin hairs)?

Everything @RudsyFarmer @KnickerlessParsons said. 69 and apart from the aches and pains and the three monthly blood tests and check ins with the specialist I love my life.

We are both late 40's and feel fantastic. We are out every weekend, still shagging like rabbits and the kids think they are more mature than us. The only thing different to being in our 20's really is our bodies have changed slightly but we own properties and have more money. I actually love being this age and not worrying about the kids being small etc. Looking forward to old age and grandkids but not quite yet!

@RudsyFarmer - then again there are plenty of people having sex well into their 60s.

My parents are in their mid 50s and are living their best life. Sure they got older and look older, but it doesn't mean they both suddenly look, to put it simply, ugly. Same goes for a lot of other middle-aged people I know.

People are having children in their 40s after all

I don’t think it’s a case of the ‘the end of nigh’…more that there can be a lot of life changes in your forties, often that you don’t expect and compounded by general ageing and, in the case of women, menopause.

When I was 38 it’s didn’t occur to me that my forties would see me getting divorced or having to give up work to care for a dying parent.

I absolutely didn’t realise that parenting a young adult of 16-18 would be a million times harder than parenting a baby or child.

I didn’t realise that, rather than gradually feeling my age over the course of my forties, some things would just drop off a cliff with no warning! I have several friend who have been similarly shocked.

The impact of menopause didn’t even occur to me because I didn’t have time to think about it until I suddenly realised 6 months after my dad passed away that I could no longer blame my anxiety, panic attacks and inability to sleep for more than 90 minutes at a time on stress.

At 47 I’m still caring for my remaining parent, and about to experience the whole empty nest thing when my daughter goes to uni in September.

Your forties definitely shouldn’t be the end, but they are a time of massive transition for many people and it’s important to acknowledge that.

Those were the days!

@PaintedEgg I agree 🙌🏻 it’s only a number at the end of the day we all have stuff going on in life but it doesn’t mean it’s the end! My mum and dad are in there 60’s and in Tenerife just now and they are like loves young dream it’s too cute they have a new lease of life now it’s just the two of them and we have all moved out and settled down and I love it ♥️

It's a different phase of life, but I feel and look better now in my 40s than I did in my 20s. Definitely getting more sex.

Having said that, I have not hit menopause, yet..

I am in my 40's just because it is written a lot on on here does not make it true

@MintyCedric could it be more life stage than the age then?

I know people in their 40s who are childless and will never experience empty nest or different stages of parenting. Then there are people who have just had children / have gotten married for the first time...or ones who have long been divorced or only ever lived as single parents. Their experiences will be very different from one another

I think @MintyCedric has summed it up perfectly - it is a time of transition and one that many people are negative about. I am 49 and my DH is 53. Both fit and well, luckily always have been, and enjoy all aspects of our marriage. I had a hard time with perimenopause, not helped by lockdown and a very unhelpful GP but all sorted now. It also helps that we are financially secure, have a pretty stress free life and plenty of time and money to pursue hobbies, nor are we the squeezed middle. For me, this time in life looks like it will be an Indian summer before I get frail but there are a LOT of factors that make it so. I can understand people feeling like it is all over if they are exhausted, run down and stressed, juggling doubled caring responsibilities, full time jobs, changing bodies and a COL crisis that seems to have made life harder than it ever has been. It is also harder to cope with big life changes, like divorce - if myself and DH split up, I would find it harder to come back from financially and I shudder at the thought of dating at my age, for various reasons. But it isn't inevitable that this has to be a shit time or the beginning of the end.

Well it depends.
Career friends and fitness wise, life is great in my late 40s.
Relationship wise it's shit if you're single esp if you have kids.