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Original poster

How can I be with a man who I love?

53 replies

HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 19:38

Please help lovely ones!

Yesterday a guy got back in touch who had previously messed me around. We had a bit of a show down, 5 weeks ago, and then had no contact. Yesterday he messaged me and I was cool but friendly. We ended up getting into a text chat from around 8pm to 3am. The last hour of which was on the phone. We didn’t talk about the past, we just reconnected and had fun chatting with each other.

He wanted to see me today or tomorrow but I said I couldn’t. Part of me is scared that I’ll get hurt and part of me is embarrassed because I have gained a lot of weight since I last saw him. So I made some excuses. I can’t see him this week and, he doesn’t know this yet, but I’m on holiday next week. By the end of next week I will feel more confident physically, I think.

I love this man. I haven’t told him that but I do. However, I don’t want to get hurt. How do I move forward and build trust?

How can I let him know that I’m interested and open to a relationship with him without giving away all of my power and being exposed?

I would really like to be with him long term. I really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

I have name changed because I’m embarrassed about my previous threads for being a bit pathetic. The new me wants to be strong.

OP posts:
guineacup · 23/05/2023 19:45

I'd say to him that you're interested in seeing how things go between you... No need to tell him how much you like/love him.

Also, I can't believe you've that much weight on in 5 weeks! Even if you tried really hard, you'd struggle to make much of a difference to how you look in that time!

PollyAmour · 23/05/2023 19:47

You can't have gained a huge amount of weight in just over a month.

Leave off seeing him again until you've been on holiday, then arrange to meet up for a mid morning coffee and see how it goes.

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 19:48

Thank you. I haven’t actually seen him for longer than the 5 weeks. I haven’t seen him for 4 months for various reasons. I definitely look fatter! But he actually prefers bigger women so there’s always the chance that he likes it.

OP posts:
VirgoQueen · 23/05/2023 21:12

Are you the same person that posted several times about a guy that is in a Relationship with someone else and playing games with you? If so, you've received really solid advice all the other times on your several posts, so why are you still wasting peoples time on here.

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 22:28

No he’s single but he has been blowing hot and cold.

OP posts:
Mischance · 23/05/2023 22:33

Are you so desperate for a man that you are willing to accept one who blows hot and cold; and who has already proved unsuitable? What can you be thinking of?

aureus3012 · 23/05/2023 22:37

You really need to give a bit more info.....what was the nature of the relationship, did you go out on dates, met his friends/family, how long did you know him? Why haven't you seen him for so long?

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:03

We met online and have been on lots of dates. He has met some of my family and most of my friends. I haven’t met any of his but he talks about his friends and family a lot and I feel like I know them.

He’s not really had anything very long term before. 🚩

I haven’t seen him since he met a relative of mine in January. Nothing bad happened, he just backed off a bit. I walked away at that point because he wasn’t really committing to an exclusive relationship with me. However we kept in touch.

He knows that I only want a relationship with him if it’s exclusive. He knows that I don’t want to be friends. I’ve been very clear on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:04

Regarding hot vs cold. It’s hard because when he’s hot it’s amazing. When he’s cold, he packages it up as him being stressed, confused, overworked, underworked, overwhelmed or whatever.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 23/05/2023 23:08

This has disaster written all over it, he hasn't changed op.

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:12

Yesterday morning I woke up and it had been 5 weeks of no contact. It had been really hard. I had thought of him multiple times a day all throughout that time. But yesterday I felt good.

Then, after hours of texting and chatting I felt even better.

Tonight I feel like I probably mean nothing to him and I feel sad.

OP posts:
Rainbowsandfairies · 23/05/2023 23:13

You're worth so much than this man! Your true love ❤ is out there somewhere

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:17

I think he wants to have multiple women.

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 23:19

He's blowing hot and cold because he's snagging around.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 23:19

Argh autocorrect fail. He's shagging around.

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:20

I don’t understand why he always wants to pull me back in? If he doesn’t want me then let me go and let me be happy and meet someone else. I walk away from him and I don’t contact him and every time he wants me around again.

OP posts:
Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:20

Yes I think he’s shagging around

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 23/05/2023 23:21

HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:20

I don’t understand why he always wants to pull me back in? If he doesn’t want me then let me go and let me be happy and meet someone else. I walk away from him and I don’t contact him and every time he wants me around again.

Because he knows he can and you will come running.

meditated · 23/05/2023 23:21

Don't do it.
You think you love him - that will def cloud your judgment and make it painful.

It's mean to be easy. Especially at the beginning. Without the 5 week no contact suspense.

gelijkheid · 23/05/2023 23:22

He's probably not bothered about your feelings and making you happy, just about having sex.

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:23

My feelings for him are very straightforward. I like him, I enjoy his company, I fancy him, I want to get to know him better and see where things might go.

He sees the world differently. He’s always confused and he thinks I’m too specific about things.

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 23:24

Oh for gods sake stop making it more complicated than what it is. He's shagging around with whatever he can get his hands on. When he goes quiet he's shagging / texting/ chasing someone else. When he blows "hot" it's cause he's either been fucked off or he got bored of whoever he was shagging. He's not going to "let you go" because to him you are just another potential shag to keep warm and waiting in the wings.
You have to have the self respect to let him go yourself. Just block him. Don't engage in conversation with him.

Original poster
HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:26

I told him last night that of he wants me then he has to take the whole package. By which I meant the sexy side but also the emotional, loving side. He said he knows that I come as a full package. He seemed to understand it all.

Yet today I’m having a wobble, feeling insecure about where it might go (if anywhere).

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 23:29

Its not going anywhere. He's going to tell you what you want to to hear, you get all gooey, have sex, then he will go all distant and unavailable again.
Rinse and repeat.
You don't love him by the way, you are experiencing a chemical reaction related to infatuation. Real love isn't like this.

Aerin1999 · 23/05/2023 23:29

HinokiDream · 23/05/2023 23:26

I told him last night that of he wants me then he has to take the whole package. By which I meant the sexy side but also the emotional, loving side. He said he knows that I come as a full package. He seemed to understand it all.

Yet today I’m having a wobble, feeling insecure about where it might go (if anywhere).

You sound absolutely ridiculous.