Why an I so hated??

[Potter10]

This isn't a pity me post, maybe it is, but it's not meant to be!
I struggle to maintain friendships, even family members. I don't know what I do but people just don't like me and I'm at the point that it's gotten to much to cope with lately.
I'm married with 4 gorgeous children which I'm eternally grateful for and I have a normal happy life. But throughout my life people generally hate me.
A teacher when I was 6 would go out of her way to ridicule and isolate me from the class, my "nan" would leave me out of family Christmas cards (from the age of 3!!) Many family members have fallen out with me, not after an argument or anything they just don't speak to me (but will often contact my sister, who makes no effort with any of them)
Every good friendship I have had has turned sour with 99% of them a complete surprise to me. They usually slowly start to exclude me from get togethers, i hear about plans they are making with others, then I eventually give up trying, spend a few weeks being upset then Bury them feelings deep. The headmaster at my kids school won't acknowledge me any more (again no rhyme nor reason) he will literally blank me but say hi to others stood with me.
I just don't know what to do any more. I am, or like to think I am, friendly and very loyal. I don't bitch or back stab.
I don't even think there's an answer, this I suppose is just me venting and I'm unlikely to get any responses but feels good to get it out.

I think that’s slightly unfair.

It’s not necessarily a matter of superficial people ‘kissing up’ to those they perceive as cooler, higher status, richer etc, it’s also that a short interaction with someone with poor self-esteem (whose demeanour, body-language, behaviour etc is all saying ‘I’m boring beige wallpaper, and don’t think you need to pay any attention to me, because I’m not even interested in myself’) isn’t going to give you any sense of that person, other than that they have an overriding sense of their own unworthiness.

Yes, maybe there’s a brilliant mind, a witty sense of humour, an original personality etc deep inside, but if the person herself doesn’t think she’s worth getting to know, am I really going to do a lot of digging to find out if she’s right or wrong? Isn’t it simply more straightforward to interact with the person who knows she has something to offer?

@FictionalCharacter

Wow what a reaction from you for that me saying

'You are not invisible. Don't ever believe you are ❤️'

The fact that you felt the need to take that the wrong way says it all really doesn't it! It's not a case of invisibility it's a case or of being a hostile person

I would suggest you examine your relationship with your older sister very carefully.

I had similar experiences to you and never knew why I seemed to be so excluded from family/held largely in contempt. After my sister, who I had tried to support with her problems despite that not always being appreciated (putting it mildly) died I found from diaries and notebooks what a lot of lies she had told about me in an effort to keep all family relationships to herself. It was a tremendous shock as she had concealed it all so well and was utterly convincing.

If you were your brother’s favourite so early on, your older sister can’t have failed to notice that.

It is not a conventional suggestion but it can happen, as I know from my own experiences of having been manipulated and lied to.

All the best to you OP.

It was a few years ago unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to find it now.

Yes, that's true, perhaps some people in OP's life really are decent people and could be good friends, but just don't feel very drawn to the OP because she may have lowish self esteem and possibly some depression. For their sake, yes, it's worth it to work on confidence, social skills, etc., all of which can improve with practice.

But the types who are rude, cruel, ignoring, etc., are the ones I meant are just not worth fretting over.

Work on yourself for the sake of the nice ones, but don't lose sleep over the silly and superficial ones is what I meant to say! And, OP, know that you are worth it, whether or not people can see that yet.

I really struggle to understand how women who can't make friends managed to bag a husband?

What's your magic?

I get this too and now I'm at the stage of f them all. I've spent my life being nice, listening to others, helping out with their problems, never engaging in gossip or back stabbing, practicing unwavering loyalty and it's got me precisely nowhere. I've realised at my ripe old age that these qualities are not what people want. They'll choose the gossiping, bitchy folk for company because their charisma is worth more than what I have to offer. I give up. Problem is I'm bloody bitter about all the years of my life wasted and loneliness sucks.

My sibling spends a lot of time making sure everyone in our family views them as the sibling deserving more than an equal share with me. I used to think they did it subconsciously but they got very drunk once and basically crowed that they did it very consciously and successfully! They are very successful but I feel it must be a pretty exhausting way to validate themselves. We did have a very challenging childhood which damaged us both. It does make me sad sometimes but increasingly it’s like water of a duck’s back and I feel more sorry for them that me now. I enjoy having them in my life but I place hefty boundaries for myself now.

@Confusedpers Yes, adults who alienate a child are very weird
Yes

I thought exactly the same, ‘wow, that escalated quickly’. Some people creating their own drama out of absolutely nothing.

@Potter10

I think I’ve got to a stage now that I don’t give much of a flying f about what others think of me. I used to care, it used to bother me a lot - but in every scenario : work, friendships etc there are these unspoken battles for dominance that I just can’t be bothered with. People are weird, (including myself). I’m not going to let that weirdness impinge on my happiness. I will focus on my children. And people generally stop being c*s when they see they are getting nothing back of interest.

I remember many years ago at work, someone used to bully me. It bothered me at the time - and I gave it too much headspace. Then she was drunk once in a pub, and gave a bitter list of all the things she was jealous about. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and the amount of spite in her voice. If people want to play stupid games - and are consumed with those kind of negative thoughts about others on a daily basis, they really are the ones with the problem. Not you.

@SecondClassmyass
Me too. Mind blown 🤯