Doesn’t want relationship?

[YetAnotherBlokeLurking]

Man here (obvs from user name!) seeking female opinion.
I’ve recently been seeing a lot of someone and all the usual signs of our friendship developing into a romantic relationship have been present.
We’ve kissed and cuddled but she had said that she doesn’t want a relationship however she continues to want to spend a lot of time with me, meals, coffee, drinks, walks etc.
As a man I wouldn’t be still doing this if the roles and intentions were reversed.
Whats the female perspective in this kind of situation?

Have no idea - sounds as if she is giving off very mixed messages.

What reason does she give for not wanting a relationship

I would not be happy with mixed messages, ask her what her expectations are because if a man was doing the things she is I would assume she's up for a relationship.

Are you paying for all these drinks and dinners by any chance?

Oh goodness I hope not!

My exact thoughts!

I have a male friend in your position. It's quite clear to all of his friends that she's using him for company and 'dates' in lieu of a real relationship whilst he's hoping it will mean something and progress to more. She clearly likes him but not enough to date or give up being single for

It won't.

Exactly this, unfortunately. She's stringing you along until she gets a better offer, OP. I'm sorry.

Does she have children? How long have you been hanging out like this.

I had a relationship a bit like this. I didn't want anything more than dating and it wasn't enough for him.

I fancied him, enjoyed time together, cared about him but wasn't the right time in my life for more.

I might have been ready for more in time but not sure. I was upfront though.

OP, she enjoys your company and wants to be a friend but she is not interested in a romantic relationship.. I don't think that she is sending mixed messages. She has been clear. If you are continuing to invite her out expecting things to change, that is a chance that you seem willing to take.

I did this to a guy once. I was early twenties, still living at home and having a rough time there. His company got me away from it all, I told him I didn't want a relationship and was pretty broken.

6 years later we're together and live together. Of course don't assume it'll never happen, but also tread carefully and don't let her walk all over you. She may just be putting up a wall so you don't hurt her. You will know in your gut if she's taking the piss out of you or being genuine.

"I was upfront though" realise I said "though" and actually this woman has been upfront as well.

Being single can get lonely sometimes. It's nice to have someone who's company you enjoy for a dinner date or a coffee. It doesn't mean that you want it to develop into 'more' or that you see them as someone you'll eventually want to spend more time with or develop any more of a connection with.

Sometimes it's nice to have a bit of physical affection too although sex may stay off the table with them for any number of reasons.

Yeah, in her shoes, I wouldn’t like to feel pressured (into sex?) just because the relationship hasn’t progressed as fast as you’d like.

So, if you do like her as a person and that spark is there, be careful how you approach her about this, you may end up dumped if you’re not willing to go at her pace. She may have some past trauma which is making her over-cautious about progressing things.

She wants a relationship without being tied into a relationship.

You're a stopgap, a placeholder. She's single, probably lonely and wants company and comfort without having to stop dating or sleeping with other people if she wants to.

You know those full body pillows you can buy to cuddle in bed while your partners away? That's you.

Your call on whether that's something you can live with. There's nothing to stop you also dating outside of your non-relationship, whilst also using her for company and comfort, but you will be less appealing to other women if they see you all cosy with your friend.

What do people mean with ’mixed message’?
It’s pretty clear she just wants something casual.
Dinners and what-nots and some sex, but no commitments.
Just enjoy the easy mode op!

I'd say kissing and cuddling are more in the 'romantic' Camp than just platonic friends. Wouldn't you? That's why it's mixed messages.

@powerrangers
Obviously, she doesn't want anything more than what there currently have. It may be the kissing and cuddling that led her to say that she does not want a relationship.
She may view the kissing and cuddling as a limited type of FWB situation.

She has defined her parameters and the OP now has to decide if this is enough for him.

The reason is specific and identifiable. Are you okay with me answering your question by DM?

No. She’s not using me in that respect.

I could do but I’ve told her I don’t want to see her and accompany her as often under these circumstances and she was surprised so I think she just doesn’t see what the problem is with a friendship like this whereas I do, not least because people have commented on our chemistry and are always asking what’s going on. I don’t particularly care what people think but I just don’t want to be in this position.

Yes very similar situation.

Yes your last point is very relevant and one of the reasons I’ve stopped meeting her at the moment.

We haven’t been having sex. I don’t want I committed relationship either but I want our relationship to be more than platonic.
The reason for my OP is that all the usual signs have been there that the relationship was heading beyond the just friends zone.

I certainly haven’t been pressuring her although she knows my feelings. It’s more like she feels pressured by the comments and questions of mutual acquaintances.
As I’ve said in another reply I’ve let her know that I don’t want to continue like this.
I suppose the answer to my OP is that some women would act like this. Some wouldn’t.

OP if you don't reply to an actual post or tag the poster in your reply the whole thread goes to shit because no-one can follow anything!