OLD - Tell me your corkers!

[ThisIsMySexName]

Mid thirties, seperated from my H and thought I would join OLD (Tinder and Bumble) so I can meet someone. Not looking for a serious relationship, but something more causal instead (which maybe explains some of my encounters… I don’t know).

Anyway I will preface this by saying I HAVE actually met some nice men on OLD and had some great experiences. But oh my god in order to meet THOSE guys I’ve had to wade through a sea of absolute weirdos! Below are some of the things I’ve encountered in the last two weeks alone!😂 This thread isn’t really for advice, more a place for people to share the ridiculous and sometimes hilarious things they’ve encountered whilst OLD!

So, enjoy my list and share your own! (Also, if there’s a current thread where OLDers can share their joys and woes, please link, or let’s start one!):

• Loads of guys announcing how big their cock is
• One guy claiming women who don’t shave their pubes don’t need to bother swiping right
• A guy I didn’t swipe right on finding me on Facebook and messaging me there
• A guy claiming he’s such a feminist because he was raised by women so he knows how to “manage” women🤢
• A guy straight up asking me what kind of sex toys I own
• A guy looking for a woman he can treat like “a Disney Princess”
• Several guys saying they can lift a fully grown horse or cow overhead. WTF! Is this a thing?

OK, your turn!😃

A guy asking me about my erotic dreams, and later joking about rape. Told me I needed to work on my 'blockages' to de-demonise the word. Blocked and reported.

Oh no bloody hell @newtb that’s not okay. How horrible for you. Well done for blocking and reporting.

Where do I start! In fact I’ve forgotten a lot of them.

I sometimes get the odd one who lives in another country but thinks it’s ok to just catch a plane to see me for every date because it’s ‘simple’. Like I mean… what do we do when he arrives for the first date? Go in one of the airport costas for a coffee then off he goes again back on the plane? 🤭

Some weirdo literally wrote this on his first message to me the other day “Hi ?? No long ting!! Just read my profile?? It will not happen if your genuine lets get it on!!This site is bollocks!!! bring it if you got it!!!200/ life changing bisnizz??looking for something like
rock????????????????”
If anyone can translate what he’s saying then please let me know 🤣

I get loads who say they have wonderful kids who they love dearly but don’t see them and haven’t seen them for years because the ‘crazy ex’ moved miles away and stopped him seeing them/ thought it was best to keep out of their lives as it was ‘heartbreaking’ having to leave them after visits! 🙄 Yeah more like you’re the crazy one and your ex moved herself and the kids miles away to get away from you!!

One who told me that the only way to get rid of Covid is to lay in a body bag 🤣

One who told me my eyes ‘tell a story’ and I look ‘sad’ in my pictures!

Another guy who after I rejected him told me he’s too good for me anyway because he’s a fitness instructor 🤣

OP, your experiences are nothing out of the ordinary at all, so
why are you making light of potentially dangerous situations
as though they are frivolous?
Do you not read the news?
Cock tales abound. They are the precursor.
Don’t give a landline number : don’t go home with them or
bring them to your home.

There are many misfits out there, ladies, be careful.

For all women reading who have been matched, are happy and
content, good for you.

I know women and men! who have found love online, say they
believe the timing was right.

The bloke who seemed to come on a bit strong but seemed ok so it went on the date
Went for a drink and he wanted to walk me home (no chance!)
I said he could drop me by the chippy as I was staving and wanted to grab some food
He insisted on paying (which I wasn't best happy about) and we parted ways
Got a message on my burner phone (I never gave out my real number) the next day demanding his £4 back as 'I bought you chips and didn't even get a fuck'

Endless dates that I thought had gone well but was ghosted after

The date we went bowling and he got shitty because my skirt wasn't short enough for him

The date where he was mute-the whole date he said about 3 words-longest hour of my life

The date where he told me that 'rape is just a bit of unwanted sex'-'women should just consent to any man who wants her,and that should be that'
I escaped through the pub toilet window

Dick pics-so many dick pics

The one who wanted to get me pregnant and have 'lots of sex during your abortion'

The date where he wanted a selfie of us-and messaged to tell me he'd gone on the date with me as a dare with his mates-something to do with 'pull a pig'
He won apparently
I hope he chokes on his next kebab

I met my now dp on okcupid and we've been together almost 8 years but if anything happened,and we broke up I wouldn't touch online dating again-its a dark world out there

I always remember the one who wanted to go to a pub that served kangaroo steaks for our first date. He was so keen and full on, and I tried to make it clear i would be happy just to go for a drink somewhere nearby, as we didn't know if we would like each other. He had found this pub miles and miles away, and had plans for us to sit there outside eating our kangaroo steaks. I just imagined how awkward it would be if we didn't fancy each other. I had to block him as he'd message me in the day asking what i was doing, and then offering to give me lifts with my shopping. Just too much

The blokes who, within 3 minutes of chatting on Tinder, told me he liked to cum on women's feet 😳

The French bloke who I was getting along well with after half an hour of intelligent chat, told me he was a dwarf and tried to get me to say I wasn't interested in meeting him so he could call me a bigot. (He then turned up on the same site with a different name and profile but same pic). Weirdo 🤣

OMG, feet cum, kangaroo steaks, body bags and burner phones😂😂😂 That’s why I started this thread😂😂😂

@SOMumm OLD can be dangerous for women in the same way as going for a lone run or a night out can be dangerous for women! I’m super cautious, trust my judgement and always let someone know where I’m going. But yes if I’m on a second or third date with someone I “trust” and feels good then I might go home with them - Judge me if you like!

By the way, never had an unsolicited dick pic, despite many years of online dating!

@Wilberthepig you had some disturbing experiences, but it sounds like you didn’t take any shit 💪 and I’m glad you met your DH now!

Blimey this thread is eye opening. I met my DH on plenty of fish but didn't have to wade through much.
My best friend has tried various sites and I thought attracted all the weirdos, but hers are tame in comparison!!

Several guys saying they can lift a fully grown horse or cow overhead. WTF! Is this a thing?

A quick google says that the weight of a cow can vary enormously, according to breed and sex. It can be anything from 360kg - 1800kg.

Meanwhile, the world record for weightlifting depends on style and equipment, but 580kg has been lifted.

https://giants-live.com/news/the-heaviest-weight-ever-lifted/#:~:text=The%20maximum%2018%2Dinch%20deadlift,the%202020%20World's%20Strongest%20Man.

So pretty unlikely, especially if he means an actual horse or cow, which I imagine probably isn't going to be all the cooperative with someone trying to lift it over their head, and isn't the easiest thing to get hold of, rather than the equivalent weight in heavy objects.

WHAT. THE. FUCK

There was a thread on here a while ago that a man started about his bad online dating experiences. They were just so benign compared to the absolute crap that women have to put up with.

Glad you found someone decent in the end after having to deal with all of that shit!

Not mine as I met my DH at work (thank god) but a friend met a chap OLD and they ended up sleeping together. He had a collection of swords and spoke elvish to her in bed 😂😂😂😂😂😂. It didn't last 😬

ELVISH. He spoke elvish.

That was years ago and my jaw is still on the floor.

One guy proudly announced on his profile that all the lucky women should pick him because his cock is the same length as two argos pens.

Who said romance was dead?

@OooYoureHard same circumference too, probably!

:Several guys saying they can lift a fully grown horse or cow overhead. WTF! Is this a thing?"

😂not heard that one before OP! LOL!

Hi OP, here’s the latest in a series of threads by people who are navigating the choppy waters of OLD. Great idea for advice and solidarity.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4801775-summer-is-going-to-be-great-for-oldaters-and-friends

A man who wanted me to watch him shove his electric toothbrush where the sun doesnt shine, one who wanted to do my ironing naked, one who sent me a pic of 3 pairs of boxers laid out on his bed and asked if id like to choose a pair for him to wear ,so many worse than those but thats off the top of my head.

The one who said hello then in the next sentence told me he had a child but that 2 children who had passed. I offered my condolences only to then be told his exs had their children terminated (he used the "a" word). He proceeded to then become angry with me, the woman he just met 2 seconds ago about his exs terminating the pregnancies. Apparently we are all "the same"

Sorry that's meant to say " he had two children but they had passed"

No thanks I aint old and I ain't one for liers,dreamers,fantasists etc etc so real world only for me and that's how I met my now hubby of almost 4 years and now 3 lil ones lol..couldn't be bothered with all the rude pics, crap chat etc

Lots of the usual, ghosters, breadcrumbs et cetera, but I dated a guy who turned out to be a voyeur. He waited 18 months to mention that. I finally got turned off.

Guy went in a huff because I was wearing cropped trousers ( said he hated women in them)
As I was meeting one, I thought to myself is he small or just far away? He was shoulder height to me and I am only 5 ft 4
One drove for hours to meet me, he was covered in dog hair and you could have planted potatoes under his fingernails, I had to get a friend to do the pre-arranged emergency/get out call
Any dick pics were immediately told "Oh, that looks nasty, I think you need to get that seen at a clinic" 😂
Ghosted multiple times

one who wanted to do my ironing naked

At one point, I did consider if I could end up with a spotless house, by using these men with weird housework obsessions, but they'd probably still want me to talk to them. Or have sex. And they might insist on licking the sink clean, instead of using Flash or something. So I carry on doing my own housework.

I've not had many bad ones, but there was the guy who kept telling me about all the terrible dates he'd been on, and as I sat there in the pub, I was mostly thinking, "Yes, and you are the common factor in all these awful dates..." Although the rest of my thoughts were, " my mates are going to love hearing about this one!"

Oh and those who after I’ve told them I’m not interested, continue to message me to try and convince me why I should give them a chance!!