His attention seems to dart away from me so easily

[heyimoverhere]

[Name change] There's someone I like and it's only a potential thing and nothing certain at all. I've known him on and off for years but just in passing.

The thing is, what I've noticed recently is sometimes it feels like I have his full attention and it's very intense- maybe too intense?!- and sometimes he seems slightly "absent" and he will focus on someone else and it's a bit like I've disappeared but not in a nasty way, it's just like I'm out of the "beam" of his attention.

E.g. maybe I'll be talking to him and it seems very intense and he'll look into my eyes but someone else like another friend appears and suddenly he switches away from me and I could walk off and he would scarcely notice. Or he might even turn his body to face them a bit and I don't exist any more, while that person is there.

Actually the first time I noticed this he was standing next to his (now) ex at a wedding reception, and he was focusing on me at the time and as I was talking to him, I thought to myself he was kind of ignoring his ex. They were very in love at the time so it wasn't that he liked me, it just seems to be something he does.

What should I make of this behaviour? Does it matter? Does it mean I'd always be struggling to keep his attention? Maybe it's a bad sign?

Sorry to hear it turned out that way op.
That sucks, when you have questions and hope she have been encouraged. Shame on him for leading you on.
Hope you have a weekend of pleasing yourself so you can begin to put this behind you. There are lovely guys out there who wouldn't dick you about, but he wasn't one of them. 💐
Be gentle to yourself.

Thanks, I've been really sad about it 🙁
Ultimately he attracts a lot of women and a lot of attention (he would even without doing his weird attention thing) and I'm more of a quiet type so we weren't compatible anyway.
I'd love to ask him why he messed me around but I don't think that he really knows he's doing it. He's charming so he gets away with a lot.
Unfortunately I will still see him from time to time as we know the same people, I can watch him go round being intense with various women (and men) and try and be glad I'm not with him while he's doing it!

I thought ADHD or coke but sorry about your update. Hate people who flirt 'for fun'.

Yes, ADHD and coke are definitely on the cards.

It's bad but I miss the way he made me feel (as one poster correctly pointed out), just as an example one day before the messaging stage out of the blue he brushed the hair out of my eyes, leaned into me and said "heyimoverhere you're one of the nicest people I know" and just gives me this intense stare! I know, I know, it sounds cringey af as I read it back! But it was sort of romantic too 🙁 Probably says more about me than him tbh 😕🙁

He makes you feel like you are special to him.

For a moment until he moves onto someone else...

He knows what he's doing too.
Those are moments of high emotional intimacy, universal human bond creation and connection behaviour... It's instinctive which means you will innately respond to that because anyone would.
And he knows it.
The thing is, in a genuine person that really would be a true moment of deep connection and personal emotion, it's only shit because he's using it like an interesting toy.

I've made him sound awful here but clearly he's not or there wouldn't be anything to feel sad about 😢

He's also intelligent, kind, caring and lots of other things that would make you like someone. Thanks for everyone's advice anyway, as it turned out you were all right.

Yep @PimpMyFridge beat me to it I was going to say he knows what he's doing.
All the romantic films and scenes that all the little boys and girls have grown up seeing has that moving hair off face thing and intense eye look it's a text book flirting behaviour.

I had the misfortune of crushing on a man who did this sort of stuff. When you are the sun and moon of his world you felt incredible, he really knew just with a look or a well timed crack of his voice how to create intimacy, I felt like I was in a romantic movie finally having my epic love story. Turned out, he was regularly taking coke, flighty and paranoid AF, would blow hot and cold, maybe he felt he did or said too much or overcommitted, panicked and then tried to backtrack to 'safety' by acting cold so you're gaslighted into thinking you've imagined it all.

We did this silly dance for far too long I'm actually angry at how much time I wasted on him. He was also dark haired with some greys now he's in his late 40s and also in a professional setting, married with several kids in London.

People like him, use others as a distraction. Whenever there is some big shit going on in his life and he's feeling insecure, he escapes in flirting and fantasies. I bet with your guy, while he's waiting for his main chick to call him back he'd go and seek a shot of confidence boost and distraction by flirting with other women who are just good enough for now and to provide him with that boost but not good enough to actually go and date. He's a user.

If he's like the man I have in mind, the main flavour of the month (the current gf) will soon be old news. she will do or say or not do or not say something and he will be looking for someone else. Because he's always looking for the next thing and never forges any real connection with that intimacy it's all a delusion and temporary. People like him are restless and see people as dispensable. They fake intimacy as manipulation. You know how some people might go for a run to feel better? He would go for a flirting spree to feel better.

@dontknowwhyshesaidthis Absolutely every word of what you said rings true. Maybe some of this is a coke thing, idk.

Sorry you went through that and got hurt.

And you've just made me realise that I was someone's side chick. At my age that's not even funny, it's sad.