I dumped him - which is brave for me - keep me brave please

[dividedself]

Many a post about me and dp - who is my landlord. I'm due to leave for 4 weeks (excluding returns at weekends) on work, it's my birthday tomorrow and he got in a stinking mood about something trivial yesterday so didn't turn up to spend the evening with me as planned.

He texted at 9.30 pm saying 'still coming?' but when I asked for an apology for what he admitted was poor behaviour on his part he refused.

Texted an hour later saying 'sorry xx' and I asked why he wasn't getting his arse down here since I'll be away for my Birthday. Reply was that he was ready for bed so would not come now. He is 5 mins away.

I said I am worth more than this and am sick of being shelved until he is in a better mood. Don't give a fuck how much stress he is under anymore, I don't need to be under it too.

Feel awful this morning. Very teary. I need to try and remember I am worth more.

Well done, really.

I have read some of your posts. You didn't have a DP, you had at best a recalcitrant child.

Of course you're worth more than someone who can't be arsed to make any effort, even for your birthday.

does he recognise that he has been dumped? because he may not you know. or may try to pretend it didnthappen. comee back toyou. pretend tobe really nice etc. and on an don.
but well done for finally doing something about it.
now, you need to stay strong, andyou need to get out from living under his roof. because he will make you miserable as long as you are there.
just keep tellingyourself you are worth more.

What you have done is from the 'gut', now you need to catchup with this decision iyswim.

We can all 'know' what the best thing to do is, and 'understand' that we are worth more, and wax lyrical to others .

Yet you 'will' get there, and realsie that you you DO NOT nedd this hassle /disappointment/lack of respect in your life.

Stay brave, keep reading this thread if it helps.

Thanks

Right about the 'catching up' because in my head I am wondering 'will he now realise his mistake?' 'Will it be okay when the divorce is over?'.

I want to banish such thoughts but in an ironic sort of way they are a shred of hope that keeps me going just for now. I hope the shred is like dissolvable stitches - they go when you no longer need them.

I think he may well try and pretend I was upset and confused and didn't mean it. I am away from either tonight or tomorrow so I can escape, which feels both a relief and dreadful to me. It's out of my view/control while I'm away. That scares me a bit.

sorry, im not sure i heard you correctly.
are you married to this man?
because if you are, then he is not your landlord. its a marital home. and you relally should not have ever been giving him any money fo rit.
also, ar e your kids his as well? because if they are, then , he cant afford to divorce you, because you will 'clean him out in court' which he will be scared off, and will therefore be back, groveling, and when he thinks he is back in your good books, he will treat you the same.

please tell me you are not married to him

Sorry! No, he separated from his wife last year and the divorce is in its final stages - court hearing next month. He has been very horrible since it all got rather stressful financially.

Sorry for confusion.

o thank god.
so the divorce has nothing to do with you. you simply mad e themistake of gettinginvolved with your landlord.
right. well done for the first step. now move on to the next, and get out from under his roof.

Fark I am rubbish. Why am I soooo upset at ditching someone who hasn't been very nice to me over the last month?

well done. you've done the right thing. i think it's a very good thing you'll be away for a while.

I am doing NOTHING. I have so much to do but I am just stagnating wondering what his reaction is. Tummy upset, can't eat and am going to be in trouble if I don't get all my work out of the way.

Am starting to feel the need to make contact. I'm driving myself nuts here. Been on Facebook and he has deleted his account. No big deal really, but just giving me something else to think about and stress about.

He called this morning but I didn't pick up. Am now wondering what he was calling about.

Told you I was dreadful at this.

stay strong. and get off the computer and go do something else. some thing real lifey

Sorry I couldn't stay chatting earlier- am all over the place with moving this week and still so much to do, a worrying amount in fact.

Will def be online between 10.30-11pm thereafter will be packing again but hopefully catch you later on.

Stay strong, keep focussed on work, your children, and (in my honest view) finding somewhere else to live which I think would improve this situation heaps.

Big hugs x

I phoned about a house in the paper. Then gave in and spoke to him.

Well done on leaving, it sounds like you've definately done the right thing and shouldn't waste any more of your life with this man. Of course it will be hard, but you'll get over it. Think of all the posibilities that lay before you now, all the other men you can meet who will treat you properly and respect you and be mature.

Use this time away to start making some postivie changes in your life that will help you move on, think of the future and try not to dwell on the past.

what did you say?

Oh Lord I am destroying my life here.

so, I can't follow good advice and do things the best way. Help me please please help me damage limit myself doing it my way.

dividedself - I am in the same boat as you.

Letting someone play mind games with me, it's making me ill too.

I spend days feeling strong, not texting him etc, then he calls and I practically beg him to meet me!

Read my thread - anyone elses DP keep talking about their ex.

Big hugs to you, I know how you feel xx

Hiya

Is your thread in activeconvos right now?

Poor you x It is AWFUL isn't it?

I have lost the roof over my head in the last 12 hours. Well, in principle.

Yeah it is. It's been hell this week, he dumped me a few days ago but now is sending me mixed messages.

I have made the decision to just be friends instead but it's hard, and he keeps saying he wants more. When I say we can, he goes cold. I think he likes the attention but I hate him being like that, but I still can't stay away.

It's a can't live with him, can't live without him kinda thing.

I'm sorry about your situation, him being your landlord etc. Make sure you know your rights though, he can't do anything on personal reasons xx

It is maddening that one can push them away and that seems to make them keener. It all seems like too much game playing to me. I just want to be myself but I think I mould myself to others expectations too much. That's where it goes wrong.

In this relationship I wanted to take things easy and he was full on, let's live together stuff. He even accused me of having a barrier up. Look at us now

Yep, it's true. When I start being serious about stuff, he seems to love it and then next day is cold! Til I start being cold and then he's all over me again.

It does my head in!

Mind games. Get rid.

It's hard when you dump even a nasty partner because you have a great gaping partner-shaped gap in your life. He may not be worthy of the position, and well done for recognising that, but you're so used to having him around that it's not surprising he's the one you think about when you need somebody. Hopefully after some time away, and perhaps some enjoyable holiday flirtations, you'll find it easier to make the break permanent. Then you will be in the market for someone who fits that partner-shaped vacancy just right.

Good luck, and don't hate yourself for showing weakness sometimes. It's human. You'll get there - and you ARE worth more.