Too tired for sex and bf I can tell is getting annoyed.

[Onetwothree45]

He initiates every night and I’m just getting more and more annoyed and I think so is he at my rejection. I’m just so tired I’m not in the mood and want to sleep.

We’ve got a six month old, she is cows milk allergic and has terrible reflux. She is very high needs and screams most of her waking time unless carried around. Screams in the bouncer, on the floor, in the car or in the pram. I’m at my wits end by the time bf comes home. He doesn’t understand how hard it is on my own all day with the hours of crying and will only contact nap. I do all the night feeds also, she only has one currently.

My older child, not his has started contact with her dad after many years not seeing him. She is taking it out on me as it’s all very new and scary for her. I’m emotionally exhausted. I also still have anaemia from a major bleed during babies birth.

Sex is high on his list and at the bottom of mine. Baby asleep by 9pm wakes at 1am for a feed that takes an hour and is awake at 5am. In between she wakes anything between 10 and 10,000 times. Bf gets up at 5:30am for work.

I need a break. I don’t know what to do as I’m just not wanting to have sex. What should I do?

Kick him out of your bed and then out of the house, he's being incredibly selfish and I doubt he will change. Any man behaving like that to the woman he's meant to love isn't worth bothering about. Initiating (expecting) sex nightly when you've kids (never mind a baby) is ridiculous, he should be doing everything he possibly can to make your life easier, taking the baby when he's home, encouraging you to get rest when he's there to share the responsibility of his child but instead he's adding to your load. Fuck that, you're worth more.

Teach him about self love, it will blow his mind.

@neverknowinglyunreasonable Lol he will sort himself out but I’m getting irritated by him constantly asking. He says night time is adult time but for me I just want to lie still and rest every inch of my body.

Bold move, but could you take your older DC away over night at the weekend? Leave him with baby for a full day and night on his own and then see if he fancies a shag when you come back

A break and a rest for you, some quality one to one time for older DC, a harsh lesson for him.

Win-win.

@QueSyrahSyrah that sounds like a good idea. He can’t cope with the crying for 5 mins as it is. I’m not sure I would want to leave the baby.

That's really sad, I think you need to think long and hard about whether you want to stay with someone you can't trust to look after their own child.

DS was like you DD and DH was as worn out as me from shared parenting and sex was the last thing in either of our minds. That's how partnerships work

I was going to suggest something similar.

My exh didn't understand.

Didn't understand how I could be so tired from being at home all day with a tiny baby.

Them, I went away for the week and left him with a nearly one year old and an 8 year old to look after. He booked the week off work.

He had loads of things planned for the week. Stuff to do with the children and plans to have a friend over a couple of nights to watch a film.

When I got home, he openly admitted that he hadn't done half of what he'd planned amd didn't se his friend once. He was utterly shattered. Was setting his alarm to go off before the baby woke with the intention of getting on top of things. He never did.

The house was clean and tidy but there was a huge pile of laundry to put away when I got home. He apologised akd said he'd never underestimate how hard it was again. He didn't.

If you haven't done it, you can't possibly know how exhausting it is.

How hands on is he at a weekend? If baby is ff then he should be doing at least one overnight a week (when he is off the next day)

Frankly as soon as I saw the thread title I thought "new baby and a man who does fuck all probably" and I was right. Why are they like this? Dickheads.

Go away for the weekend. Take your older child and leave him with his. He will then understand better

Yes I do all the housework. It’s not so much that he gets annoyed but more how he has the need and energy every night. He is putting me off him and it’s making me feel tired and a bit ugly.

He also grabs me inappropriately all the time like if I bend over to pick something up. It’s really bothering me. Or if I go for a cuddle. I just want a cuddle and that’s all.

Ugh, he sounds like a selfish, lazy entitled little man who is turning into another shit father. You can’t even trust him to look after his own baby. That’s so unattractive in itself, I don’t know how you can stand to be around him.

Would joint therapy maybe be an option?

He can either wank on or wank off for good. !

Every night?? And all that grabbing and shit like "night time is adult time". He sounds like a sex pest. I couldn't be attracted to him even if I had the energy. You have a 6mo and a hell of a lot on your plate. I'm sorry it seems too late to say this, but he's not a keeper. He doesn't care about your needs, only about his dick.

I just knew before I opened this post that you have a young baby. It's a tale as old as time: couple have baby, man expects nothing to change and is ignorant of the raft of changes that take place for a woman when she has a baby, woman is exhausted and wants to, quite rightly, prioritise rest. Bonus points that he does no housework!

Have you tried explaining this to him when you're not in bed?

'Night time is adult time' ... I don't think this is a fair statement.
I once had a boyfriend who pestered me fox sex. It was horrible and made me not want to do it at all. I felt smothered by it. It was what broke us up - I count handle it anymore. he would send inappropriate texts and if I didn't get back to him and play ball he would sulk. I look back now and wonder did he have an issue, sex addiction or something.
Obviously you are in a much more difficult position than I was, I can't even begin to imagine what life is like with a small baby and all of the other stuff you have going on right now in your life. his top priority should be to look after you, not to push you into sex when you don't want it. I understand its not as simple as just breaking up with him as you do need support but he isn't offering it to you.
I think unless he backs off this could become an even more chronic issue for you. This could end up turning you off of him for life. Id be laying down the law more clearly for him and telling him NOT to approach you in that way until you are comfortable with it. Let him sort himself out and take care of yourself.
Ugh, men.

Are you really that tired that you can't even have an occasional quickie? That level of tiredness is something that needs sorting out before you collapse or have a serious accident, never mind the sex.

If your child is as clingy as you're saying (and she's not your first so you must have a bit of a yardstick), then that's not normal at 6 months old and needs resolving. Otherwise they'll still be like this when they're 17! Maybe going away for an entire weekend and leaving her with your bf is too much to start with, so start off by leaving them together during the day at the weekend and increase it from there.

@altmember we have sex once a week. The baby is really high needs. Medically fine but she has been like this since birth. She has to be carried all the time. She screams if put in anything. I have to bath with her and co-sleep otherwise she won’t sleep at all, I don’t feel sexy at all. She jumps at every sound and gets so overwhelmed, she can’t self sooth. If left to cry she gets in such a state she chokes and vomits. I’m exhausted physically and mentally. If you’ve ever experienced this kind of baby you’d know.

Night time can be adult time, unless you're in the situation where you're run ragged, looking after a high needs baby and an emotionally disregulated child, while you're anemic and running on no sleep.

Then, night time is whatever the fuck you need it to be time.

If you can't trust him to look after his baby then there is no help in sight for the forseeable future, and this situation is unlikely to get better. I would be very very clear with him that if and when you want to have sex with him you will let him know. Until then, he is not to grope and grab you, ever, and you will cuddle him on the understanding that if you want it to go any further you will make it clear with your words.

Stand your ground, you're not property.

This isn't massively helpful, unless you've had a baby like this it seems exaggerated. Anyone who's had a baby like this will understand.

The notion of an "occasional quickie" for a peaceful life and to literally get him off your back when you're feeling like this is gross, as is any man that would use you as a service knowing that you're not into it. Vile.

I completly understand how your feeling OP, by the night time im completely touched out too and just want to be left alone, my partner sounds very similar to yours and i think the badgering and constant inappropriate touching is actually a massive turn off and makes things worst in that i then just try to avoid him. If only they'd understand that all we want at the end of a day is a cuddle and an actual adult conversation, abit of kindness, then maybe we'd actually WANT to be closer and have sex with them instead of being pressured into it 🙈

I’m going to say something different to others- you need to have a serious discussion about this rather than just avoiding. He’s allowed to want sex with you. But he needs to understand why you aren’t interested. And perhap you can find some changes to make for a more even share of childcare, housework etc. maybe plan the odd date night or try and get a night away?

@Boysmum92 its so difficult because I am at home day in day out whereas there lives dont really change. I can’t do anything, washing piles up, my clothes don’t fit me so I throw on stuff that does fit, I look old and tired (im 40), we eat quick and easy food. I love my baby to bits and she can’t help needing me so intensively but Im literally in survival mode, wondering around with earplugs in pacing round the house all day until she sleeps on me, still can’t do anything. He comes home and wants to go out in the garden and do stuff so I’m still holding the baby a lot of the time.

@Lcb123 of course he is but every night. I’ve asked why he can’t just leave it but he says he simply can’t sleep without doing something. So he is sorting himself out each and every night without fail. If he did more perhaps he would be more tired